Jake mislaid Marley. (No funny remarks, gentle reader.) He is wearing a funny hat and swotting up to go fishing. Marley returned and bugged him. He told her how easy fishing was. She couldn't stop laughing. She told him she'd told Donna he was behaving like a perfect gentleman. He asked what choice he had.
Donna phoned Victoria in California. Victoria was grumpy at having been awakened and changed the subject when Marley's name was mentioned. Donna told her she loved her and rang off. The fiancé cruised through. Donna told him she dreamed about Daddy laughing and saying she'd never see Marley and Victoria again. Michael soothed her.
Peter tried to intervene. Reginald overruled him. Peter said he'd take care of the baby. Brittany came over all nervous and babbled about horses. Reginald reminded her she'd had said she'd said she had something to say. She reasserted herself and said it was about the baby. Peter said they wanted Reginald to be the baby's godfather. Reginald accepted but said he thought there was more. She said there was. Peter made threatening noises. Reginald asked if Peter were intimidating her. She said NOT ANY MORE. Gomez interrupted with an important telephone call. With Reginald out of the room Peter insisted they leave with the baby and warned her she might have lost her son.
Jake: not napkins AGAIN. Marley: I thought I would get a little bit of sun while you were fishing. What are you staring at? Jake: when you talked to your mother on the Phone this morning, did you tell her that you were going to go out on the beach like THAT? Marley: Jake what do you want me to wear? Jake: why don't you wear -- the - the - suit that I - that I - I bought for you? Marley: THAT THING? Jake: what's wrong with it? Marley: Jake, I can't wear that. Jake: why not? Marley: it has a hole in the knee. He wouldn't let her help him fish. She insisted. She told him he was grumpy and proceeded to get him all tangled up in the line on purpose. She wanted a captive audience.
Nancy said she was glad Greg was leaving. Greg swept in and dragged her off to talk. Sam rushed in and threatened to slit her wrists if he didn't drop Nancy and talk to her instead. Nancy relinquished him. Sam said (hysterically) she'd phoned the McKinnon house and Jake wasn't there and wouldn't be for a week or more. She can tell he's on vacation with Marley. She's been dumped and THEY'RE having a great time.
Marley cut Jake out of the line and told him he could go fishing. He said he didn't have much bait and suggested she come along. She asked if he intended to use her for bait and then said he probably thought she'd poison the fish. He left, advising her to stay close to the house and keep the frying pan hot.
Donna feels better. Michael suggested they go to Hawaii next week. She asked what Daddy would think. He said he didn't care. She said she didn't either. He asked if she loved him enough to wear a grass skirt for him. She said they were so tacky. He said he had always wanted to see her in a grass skirt and himself with the ukulele. She gave in. They'll send Daddy a postcard. Tender Love. He said he'd take her to lunch. She said all he had to do was whistle. "You do know how to whistle, don't you? just pucker up your lips and blow." .* Donna said it was strange Daddy didn't look like a monster.
Reginald learned that Mary had gone out. (He calls her Marissa, but we know the truth.) He ordered Alonzo to find her immediately and call back. Gomez soothed him. He told her to tell Mitch to get a move on. He found Peter and Brittany gone and mused on Brittany. He can tell they can't stand each other.
Sam is very screwed up. Greg suggested hesitantly that she might have been trying too hard with Jake. She stormed out and he reverted to Nancy. Nancy's friend Julie with a Fine Arts degree cruised through looking for work. Nancy introduced Cheryl to Greg and said she was glad she was training to be a nurse because having a Fine Arts degree didn't cut it in the real world. (She sounded so holier-than-thou.)
The baby cried and Peter yelled at Brittany.
Michael expressed an interest in some of Daddy's old receipts. (They claim Daddy died in 1969. Curiouser and curiouser . They are messing about with the time. If Daddy died so early, why was Donna feeling deprived of being a mother to Marley? and when did she have time to marry Carl?) He found something thrilling. Sales slips for extensive renovations to the stables. A cash transaction. He thinks the trump was hidden there. A shipment from Tanquir.
Reginald ordered Gomez to find Mitch regardless of his mood.
Greg asked Nancy out to dinner at the Northwoods Inn. He said he'd do anything for her.
Jake returned with a little bitty fish. Marley teased him and took it to cook. He told her she had to cut its head off and rip its guts out first. She blenched and suggested he do it. She touched it and was horrified when it moved. He asked if she wanted The Man to do it. She refused. Marley: I might get good at this, you know. And I know just who to practice on next.
Nancy is walking her last mile. She has become attached to Greg and is not looking forward to being let down easily. Ada told her if she and Greg cared about each other a little distance wouldn't hurt. Nancy was not reassured.
Donna and Michael looked around the house for more swell stuff. They found nothing. Michael said his father had kept his very special things in a tackle box under the bed and asked if Reginald had had a similar habit. She remembered the storeroom beyond the kitchen pantry. They rushed past Peter. Peter told Brittany if she tried to ruin his relationship with his father he'd remove Peter Reginald from her sphere. He hit her. Donna and Michael returned. They [Peter and Brittany] admitted to having a disagreement. Brittany went and locked herself in her room. Peter advised Donna against getting married.
Marley served lunch. Jake did gentlemanly things. He tasted the fish and said it was almost as good as Uncle Vince's. He did not let on that Uncle Vince is notorious for being Bay City's worst cook; this IS the man who put cottage cheese on Buffy's cheeseburger. I guess they've forgotten. It was meant as a compliment.) Marley took offense. Jake : you don't have to get mad. Marley: why not? I worked very hard on that stupid tiny fish. Jake: I said it was good, did not? Marley: yes, and then you had to bring up your Uncle Vince. Jake: what, I can't even mention the guys name? Marley: he hates me, Jake, he hates my whole family, he thinks we're responsible for your aunt's death. Jake: did I lose something? I thought we were talking about dead fish, not dead aunts, he apologised and admitted he'd never cleaned a fish in his life. She attacked him. He suggested they drop some of their defenses. They heard a storm come up. Jake said (oh so soulfully) he'd thought it was the beating of his heart. Jake is not going to grow up to be a doctor.
Michael and Donna found a lot of peach preserves. Donna feels sorry for Peter and the baby. She's glad she found Michael again. Adam phoned to say something exciting. Michael fled.
Reginald took fits. Marissa and Mitch are nowhere to be found. He sent Gomez out again. Mitch phoned and said he was quitting.
* Ed note: I know they are referencing To Have and Have Not here, but it reminds me very fondly of this scene in the delightful Arsenic and Old Lace. Cabbie: Listen, buddy. This old cab has seen osculation, but --
Mortimer: You ain't seen anything yet. You're going to drive us to the station.
Cabbie: You'd better take her hat. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait. And her brooch.
Mortimer: You find any hairpins, you can keep 'em. Hold on to that, will you? Here's your hat.
Elaine: Just throw it. I don't like that look in your eye.
Mortimer: Why, what's the matter with it, hm?
Elaine: Father preached a sermon about it only last Sunday.
Mortimer: He did? He did? What did he say, what did he say?
Elaine: He was against it.
Mortimer: Ah, but that was only Sunday. Please, for heaven's sake.
Elaine: But Mortimer, right out here in the open with everyone looking?
Mortimer: Yes, right out here in the open with everyone looking. Let everyone in Brooklyn over sixteen look. (Kissing).
Elaine: But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too.
Mortimer: One thing at a time.
Elaine: Oh, there's that look again.
Mortimer: "There's that look again, Mortimer." You're going to get used to that look. You're going to see it often. It goes just before this. (Kissing.) You know what we're doing, darling, we're wasting time. Look, I'll go tell my aunts and you tell your old – no, you'd better not tell your father just yet. You'll run that cold of his into a pneumonia.
Elaine: Oh, I can handle father. He's a dear.
Mortimer: Look, why don't we wire him from Niagara Falls?
Elaine: Niagara Falls? So that's why you stopped at your office.
Mortimer: YES, certainly. We're going to go the whole hog. Niagara Falls. Everybody ought to go to Niagara Falls. You should have seen my secretary's face when I made the reservation. We've got a drawing room on the train, the bridal suite in a hotel, and tomorrow morning we go over the falls in a barrel.
Elaine: Mortimer.
Mortimer: Come on, darling. Hurry and pack.
Elaine: I don't have to. I started packing the day after I met you.
Mortimer: You see? You see? That's what I mean, that’s what I hate about women. (Kissing.)
Cabbie: I wonder what Mary's doing now?
Mortimer: Go on, darling. The train leaves in an hour. And hurry.
Elaine: It'll be a few minutes before I'm ready. Father may want to pray over me a little.
Mortimer: All right. Well, whistle when you're ready. Oh, Elaine.
Elaine: Yes?
Mortimer: When you whistle, open the front door first. If you see a tall dark streak of light going ――― it's me. ↩