Zane is helping Felicia with her luggage. Zane: didn't anybody ever tell you about CANVAS luggage? Felicia: look, Lana Turner always had steamer trunks, she never had canvas luggage. Zane: yes, because she never had to carry 'em herself. Felicia: of course not, she always had some handsome sexy man do it for her. Zane: well, you two have a lot in common, huh? He told her he had to break their farewell date. She asked why. He was evasive. ["Look, is there anything else I can do for you? Are you sure you don't want to take a couple of concrete blocks?"] She guessed he was seeing Edouard. He admitted it.
Chris told Tom he wouldn't let Nancy go. He intends to get the staff from her hotel and take off without her.
Carl fears that Daphne is unmusketeer because she keeps referring to "her" treasure. She has a tattered Frederick map of Arizona. He found out Nancy and Chris were in Arizona. He was interested in the map and was displeased to find she'd removed the statue from its hiding place. She explained that the McKInnons had found it. He is agitated by MJ's copness. He gripped Daphne and deliberated how they might get the statue past MJ quickly to Arizona. She told him Lesoleil was transporting props. He was relieved and released her. The map has 7 stars representing 7 caves "one of which holds the greatest treasure ever known. 'cept for friendship." [oh, CARL.]
Marley's plane is delayed. Chris arrived at Nancy's hotel room. She told him she was indecent. He asked why she was stalling and opened the unlocked door to find her dressed. He asked for the staff. She said it was coming. Chris: I thought you said you HAD it. What did you do, send it out to be dry cleaned? Nancy: look, I didn't exactly have it, but I know where it is. Chris: well that's a big difference. So. Where is it? Nancy: it's COMING. Chris: OF ITS OWN VOLITION? Nancy, I want the whole truth, and I want it now. Nancy: OK. I left it with Marley in Bay City and when I found out you needed it I called her and she'sonherwayherebutshecan'tbehererightnowbecausetheplane'sdelayedbecauseofbadweatherinChicagoandIliedaboutchangingmyclothes. Chris: wait. Did you say MARLEY was coming HERE? Nancy: yeah. She is bringing me the staff. Isn't she a great friend? Chris: Nancy. You can't involve anybody else in this. Carl Hutchins is probably after that staff. Nancy: well I told her to be careful. Chris: OH, OH, well I'm SORRY, see I thought she had what the most evil person in the world wanted, I mean what he'd kill to get, and that you hadn't told her to be careful. BUT as long as you told her to be careful — Nancy: Chris, I told her to be VERY careful. Chris: oh, VERY careful, well then there's no need to get EXCITED, is there? Nancy: you know I hate you when you're like this, you're a type A personality, you shouldn't be angry with me. Chris: but sometimes you say such INCREDIBLY — Nancy: if you say stupid Chris Chapin we're going to have a major fight and you can just kiss your precious staff goodbye. Chris: I wasn't going to say stupid. Nancy: OH? Chris: foolhardy. I was going to say foolhardy. Nancy Cole and Chris, only NERDS say foolhardy. She told him Marley would go straight home and nobody would get hurt. He asked she asked why he was there. He said he had to go. She made advances and said he was wonderful. He kissed her thoroughly and left. She: that sure felt like goodbye.
Victoria stomped by Marley's to spread a little sunshine. Dee told her Marley was gone. Victoria found and read a note saying Marley had gone off on quite an [unspecified] adventure. Dee was not pleased and told her it was none of her business. Jake arrived. Dee went to dress. Victoria told him about the adventure and rubbed in Ray, suggesting a link.
Felicia in her distress rushed to Wally and Grant. Wallingford: remember the ending of Passion and Penelope? Felicia: oh, Wallingford, please. Grant: what's that? Wally: one of Felicia's books. Felicia: it ended in a duel. Wally: well Penelope thought it was wonderful; These two men fighting over her, willing to risk everything for her love. Felicia: Penelope was all of 19 and had the IQ of lettuce. The men maintained that it was romantic. Wally let it slip that they were at the Pig Whistle. She said it was unsanitary. Grant said he'd give 2:1 on Zane. Felicia's convinced they'll kill each other. She set out to avert disaster in spite of warnings that she was dressed in a manner likely to attract thieves. [This is just paste and this is my FUN FUR.] She's mad at her men.
Jake said Marley didn't know Ray very well. He's going to find the guy.
Carl commissioned our old friend Terry the cream-faced loon to retrieve the jar before Rachel finds it under threat of terrible punishment should he fail. Carl attached a sounding device to the princess so Lesoleil could have the honor of transporting her to the southwest for them. This way they'll always know where she is. Daphne was flattersome. He said she was beautiful. She said she'd take a nap and likely be in bed when he returned. Exit Carl. "We'll be waiting" she said.
Ray told Victoria the date with Marley had been an early evening. She offered him $300 to go away for the weekend to give the impression they were away together. He got her up to $500 easily.
Chris has decided to live without the staff and cut out without Nancy.
Zane and Edouard don't get along real well. Zane told Ed if he hurt Felicia he'd hurt him. Edouard told him he [Zane] was jealous and afraid of losing Felicia. They decided to take it outside. Felicia rose up in their path. "wonderful... just wonderful."
Jake found Ray and bashed him about until he admitted nothing had happened or would happen with Marley and he didn't know where she was.
Marley's plane has been horrendously delayed. Nancy talked to herself trying to rationalize Chris' fleeing behavior so that it appeared he loved her. She cited Casablanca. She imagined him coming to the door as Cary Grant and attacking her saying things like "we've had this date from the beginning." it was unsatisfactory so she tried him as Humphrey Bogart. She argued with Bogie about accompanying him until she yelled CUT. She decided she knew Chris wanted her with him but HE didn't know so she'd have to trick him into seeing sense. She wished he'd knock on the door and beg her to come with him. The knock arrived; It was the plumber.
Chris assembled himself to depart but Hawk was carried in having lost a lot of blood after being thrown by his horse and left alone in the sun for a long time. Doctor Chapin to the fore. Hawk came to and set about raving.
Felicia and Zane and Edouard quarreled. The men argued over which one would see her safely away. She told them they were like a couple of seven-year-olds arguing over a toy truck. She told them not to call her and swept out threatening never to speak to either one again. Outside she laughed and was set upon by a horde of men who found her clothing appealing.
Dee told Jake he behaved like a jerk with Ray. He wonders about Marley's adventure. He thinks she's been flaky lately. Dee intimated that he was the flakier. Victoria dropped in. Dee slipped out. She's unfond of Vic. Victoria tried to talk about Ray and Marley but Jake told her she [Marley] was alone. She tried to convince him to skip off for a wild weekend with her. He refused. She called him a drip and left.
Felicia screamed.
Carl: why, Daphne, you're still in your jammies. Daphne: I told you I might take a little nap. Carl: well I mustn't disturb you then. Daphne: I just woke up. I don't want to sleep anymore. I missed you. Carl: did you? Daphne: mhm. Carl: well I've only been gone half an hour. Daphne: it's too long. Well — I was thinking — you've been working so hard — perhaps you're tired too. Carl: your concern overwhelms me but actually I'm fine. Daphne: well I think I know how to make you feel better. Carl: Daphne I don't know quite how to say this to you but you're giving me ideas. Daphne: what kind of ideas? Carl: waves, crashing on rocky beach, that sort of thing. Daphne: I was hoping you were thinking about ME. Carl: Daphne my dear you give new meaning to the word literal. Daphne: oh, I like it when you do that. Carl: while how clever of you to have two ears. Daphne: well you must stop now. Carl: must I? Daphne: Mhm. Just for a moment. I have a little surprise. Carl: I love surprises. Daphne: well why don't you just get ready for a little nap and I'll be right back. Carl: shall I pour us a glass of bubbly? Daphne: yes please do. Carl: well I think we should have a toast. Don't you? What say you? What shall we drink to? Out of sight she removed a snake from its box and kissed it. "Fangs for the memories."
Hawk raved about the caves and eagles' nests. All gone. Chris pronounced him delirious. He is worried about infection. They sent for the Indian doctor.
Zane and Edouard continued their argument while fighting off the attackers of Felicia. When it was over — Felicia: are you all right? Edouard: [sound which to me could mean either yes or no] are you all right? Felicia: course I'm all right, I wasn't in the fight. Zane: you're sure you're all right? Felicia: yeah, I'm sure. Zane: THEN WHAT IN THE — are you doing down here dressed like that? Felicia: it's my FUN FUR. Edouard: your FUN FUR. We almost got KILLED because of your fun fur. Zane: are you OK? [you see Ed's breathing rather heavily] Edouard: NO. I'm too old for this. And YES I would very much have liked a stunt double. Zane: hey, what does a cracked rib feel like? Felicia: oh, no — Edouard: rotten. Zane: does it make you want to go "ghoo" every time you raise your arm? Edouard: if that's a symptom then I've got one too. Felicia: oh I'm so sorry you got beaten up like this. Zane: well now wait wait wait a minute, we won this fight. Don't you go saying we got beaten up. Edouard: we were wounded in noble combat. Zane: YEAH, over a FUN FUR. Felicia: all right, I admit that I am the obvious cause but the two of you brought it on yourselves. Zane: now wait a minute. We didn't come down to the Pig Whistle wearing a tiara. Felicia: it's a CLOCHE. Edouard: oooh, I guess that told YOU. Felicia: all right now I'll retract my first statement — do you want me to drop you off at the emergency room? Zane: well only if it's got a very hot bath. Felicia: I think you should see someone. What if yourselves get hurt? Edouard: no. I couldn't face a hospital — in my condition. Zane: me either. [These men know hospitals for what they really are... say, do you suppose Chris is exempt on account of his doctorhood?] Felicia: well. All right then. I guess I'll be going. I think you're both JERKS. But I do thank you. Thank you. Exit Felicia. Edouard: well. She was half right.
Daphne: Goodnight, sweet prince. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. She put the snake down on Carl's sheet.