1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of  

 the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time  

 of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if  

 you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.  Have one for  

 me. Have two.  It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on.  

 Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.


4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's  

 skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole  

 point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.  You can do  

 that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying 

 a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas  

 cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge Have as  

 many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the celebratory calories, but  

avoid at all cost. I mean have some standards,
Unless of course you LIKE it - then by all means, Dig In!

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table,  

 you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just  

 around the corner. 


Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a  journey to the grave

with the  intention of arriving safely

in an attractive and well preserved body,

but rather to skid in sideways,

chocolate in one hand,

body thoroughly used up,

totally worn out and screaming

"WOO HOO what a ride!"


 Have a great Christmas season