As soon as something is lost, it instantly becomes The Best Thing Ever. So. I well could have written the Best Entry Ever. Damn it all. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.

What if there was a surprise gathering and nobody came because we all avoid people will have nothing in common with and in the end it's all matter-energy interface with islands of carbon based life forms in between. Krista said today I talk like a writer. She probably means that my sentences are long winded, drawn out, floundering in qualifiers, and thus difficult to get through. Babble will always do us good though. I mean, just look at that tower.

Seriously though, slogging through back entries was like. raking leaves with a snow shovel. or something. and then, once in a while, I enjoy being told off by a book that real jokers question like nothing else while remaining happy being a mechanic. So really, the rest of us are just ants on our circles, smugly satisfied with the little radii we do know. but more depressingly,

we've found our latest obsession now. And it's comparing these percentile things. On pieces of paper. Like in Aramanth. And then we're told or somehow, in a silly-way, intrinsically think, that these numbers to tell us how deserving we are, whether we will end up as we like. And in the worst kinds of ways, this can be true. For example: me, dallying my way through three years, mindlessly pursuing this ideal of learning -- y'know, as long as I'm getting this knowledge, I'm enjoying the type of inflow, I'm good. w00t index of refraction. whoa sound as kinetic motion of air molecules dissipating with friction. neat a biography of leonard cohen in his nonmother tongue.

Then suddenly! The quantitative assessment matters! Wanna do science in a challenging environment? Better get that 92. Don't want student debt? Devote yourself to the minutia of rubrics and the freaking strands of freaking learning. Communication is worth 1 in 10. Being able to inquire? 2 in as many. U>M>E>0 Umeo taco bell. So now. I'm a marks junkie. Hit me one. Come on, give me a shot of the good stuff. You know I'll be here, gasping over the top of your algeo test from last semester. Quizzing what you got for a world literature tutorial. And all this after WAKE UP YOU DUMB WANKERS your very existence is cause for wonder in their infinitessimal meeting of coincidences. How many ancesters were required to not die in childhood - in wars, famines, droughts, plagues, invasions, so that you exist? You being me and my ancesters being I'm still getting back to the obsessive addition of grade 11 u/m courses to see if I stand getting to happyfununiversityscienceland.

will in the future attempt to leave conversations one sided tracked towards grade comparison - 100! 200! - and talk of the impending future(opposed to the nonimpending kind, 'course). Including those initiated by me. It'll be as though one of them fresh breath things will conk me on the side of my head.

Dedications: for birthday cakes, chapbooks and graduation bylines:

To mom, who smells nice, cooks soybeans and tofu often and smells nice.

To the spider on the shower curtain when I was washing my hair, your drowning escapades have proved inspirational in my present success.

To dad, who watches Chinese mini-series until early morning, enjoys making fires in the place. Such cornerstones of childhood they have become.

To Ajax, I could have never made it without the alternating dishwashing nights. Though you took Saturday and left both Monday and Sunday, bastard, at my insistence.

To Krista's Dana sister and Aaron Munson, yes, the joys of playing water polo without knowing how to swim was a profound one. Thanks a bunch for inadvertently bringing it to my attention during that Gr 10 poetry showcase.

To Susan; the busted up bunny keychains and the just because you can make people cry doesn't mean you shouldn't school of thought.

To Mr. Steve from whom I have garnered the valuable knowledge that losing students' summatives, posturing and griping about ineffienct fundraisers as it is in progress can earn one a stellar reputation.

To Chen, differences in locale and all, who taught me about curling irons and SUV's as NEEDS.

To Dan, because uncouth is cool, and screw telling people that you're upset with them. Things always turn out in the end after all, don't they?

To Krista, with your scarves, cool and becoming unpinned, during French class.

To Simon, observation tables and excel guru, preaching the joys of being generous with lab answers and the uses of profanity as a valid method of livid expression since 1987.

To Anran, and strawberry yogurt tasting good after a geography slide show at 04:00 and the import of keeping stationary hostage to homework spats.

To Julia, yes, the wonders of small casing i are pertinent after gr 10 and messenger decorum.

To Mr. Gurofsky, and that's fucking funny don't you think? but without that haha-larity, I probably would have passed that French exam, going down a disillusioned life of civic service.

To the total of 4 people who read this, stop. and droproll. Pick up your laundry or something.

To Ms. Barkley, if I ever go into teaching, I will also make sure to tell many tangential personal stories of Foosball High.

To Jordan, whose very high sodium and the one peer with the not focused comment has left an indelible mark.

To Mr. Wade, who has reminded me pursed lips are selfish-brat-who-wants-straightforward-lab-directions-I-hate-this lips.

To Brendan, Re: handwriting, own words. The audacity of it all, why, I think less of you dear, but more about you. Thanks Frederick Nims (b. 1913), filching, and learning about public address email.

To Sonia; I can love racist parents as well.

To Jordan, yes, they are especially anti-semitic, anti happy-rainbow-unicorns, world peace, not name calling, not berating, not being mean, no child harrassment, not putting down people as well. In fact they're super duper anti-Jordan, expressively anti-Jordan, undoubtably and incredibly anti-Jordan. Even anti-anti-anti Jordan. And people still think the sun goes around the Earth.

To God(sp?), if there was ever anyone showing a path, we accidentally broke the porchlight bulb. Sorry about that.

and finally,

To me, how I hae bitched and pettified and sent spools of materials to be edited by those who can't, won't, don't want to, hae the ability to do so.

music's been used to bustle out the rest of the bustle. It always must be on because for some reason the silence has gotten to irritatble. And then more so by K-k-k-Keane Keane that comes blaring out and the non silence and the inability to apply the Protestant work ethic. No, not so Protestant either in the faith end of things.

Today, there was a roundtableful of adults becoming frustrated in a meeting about meetings. I made comments and we will have to have a meeting about meeting about meetings. This meeitng will be online, over a forum. This is my story. Of the day.

I borrowed Confederacy of Dunces. And The Solitaire Mystery, this is from that philosophy book guy, you know, the one with Sophie? And the wicked gadfly ending?

This is from three weeks ago. I wrote it. And then chemistry lab happened.

From the print media:

"About Mircrosoft Windows, they [The Rebel Sell: Why the Culture Can't Be Jammed, Joseph Heath, Andrew Potter writers of] write, "Expressing your individuality by wearing a funny tie to work is not the same thing as expressing your individuality by using file formats on your computer that are incompatible with your co-workers." In other words, "not all uniformity is bad uniformity nor is it always coercive." Sounds good, except for the fact that Microsoft actively restricts competition, builds hidden features into operating systems to collect data on users, and colludes with corporations to prevent unfettered peer-to-peer file sharing.

"Heath and potter are right: Using a different operating system is nothing like wearing a weird tie; it's exactly the kind of pragmatic, substantive insurgence these writers should support - a free, open source operating system would reduce the cost of computers and software, and could potentially lessen the control corporations have over culture. This is a small-scale solution to the problem of a world in which we are all listening to the same songs, watching the same movies, and taking the same pills for our mounting sense of anxiety and depression at being hemmed in by pre-packaged options.">

I liked the jump from computers to the quiet desperation of life.

Holocaust and genocide studies in universities -> "new generation of hugely apprised and impatient young people emerging to swell the ranks of human-rights organizations." whee, human-rights. "vigorougs scholarship is also the best answer to the Zundels of the world." whee, vigorous scholarship.

This is from today:

I like the click of things into place. Don't you? And centripedal acceleration?