if/when I manage to graduate I will say A Monkey Can Do It! because I feel like a monkey, monkeying my courses, monkeying my tests, doing things by luck and somehow I will have managed to get something with a shiny stamp.

picking apples for kings and queens of things I've never seen

I was going to read electrochemistry to fall asleep but then I started a page of Paulo Friere and then suddenly I wanted to do readings for my thesis, which I made a blog for, but haven't worked on since. But I count my lucky ducks before they hatch and hope to eschew controversy. What else can anyone ask?

Also, today, a kiwi-the-bird video made my heart hurt. And Brendan, I will tell you that you are wrong about the nature of good and evil, but I hate/love the internet & We're missing quizbowl practice for FakeStudentPolitics which I hope to livetweet. (as if tweets can anything but) so let's visit Scarborough together!!

Chewed up and spit out, rinse and repeat. Gosh o mite is this shit draining. I feel like I have no interest and no use (value, trade value, distinctions between). YOU WIN!

I told Nathaniel and everyone else in the kitchen then that I had an emotional writing place that I used a lot, before, when I didn't talk about emotions in spoken words. and how useful it had been as an outlet, and also the secret knowledge that people were reading, even if it was cryptic. If it's been told, it's a thing in the world. Little oppugno birds slowly blinking.

Warm (hot) drinks are more healing than cold ones. My parents hope for the best.

And I told Nathaniel and the other two in the kitchen that maybe I should return to writing in that place and maybe it will help and maybe it will be documentation. Not that I've read the archives in years. (hurts)

After a pysch appointment a while ago I started a notebook called My Head Tracker. I try to track sometimes but then there are times when I need to be tracking all the time and it's no more useful if I have to be writing in the book all the time instead of doing things.

The psych person says the reason I feel so chewed up might be because I have survivor guilt.