This kid walks into a talent agent's office and says he wants to get into show-biz. The agent says "O.K. kid, show me what you can do". The kid tells some jokes, does a little softshoe, sings a bit, does an acrobatic act, and is good enough to impress the agent. "Great kid! Just great!" says the agent, "You're going places! I think I can get you a show on T.V. By the way, what's your name?"

The kid says, "My name is Penis Van Lesbian." The agent says, "Hey, I'm sorry kid, you're gonna have to change your name. Nobody is gonna hire a guy called Penis Van Lesbian." The kid says, "I'm not changing my name" and he leaves to find another agent.

A few months later he returns to the same agent who says, "Hey kid! Good to see ya again! Have ya changed your name?" The kid says "You were right, no one would hire a guy named Penis Van Lesbian. So I've changed it". The agent says, "Great kid, great! So what's your new name?"

The kid says, "Dick Van Dyke!"

These three old guys are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. The seventy year old guy says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

The eighty year old guy says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The ninety year old guy says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow.

"So what's your problem?" asks the others.

The ninety year old guy says, "I don't wake up until nine!"