By Earl McRae, Ottawa Sun, Sept 2000
I didn't know God's name was now The Big Guy.

Guess I'm wrong. Guess He changed it without me knowing. Because more and more I'm hearing people refer to Him as The Big Guy, not God. Now, I can't say for sure He changed his name from God to The Big Guy, but if He didn't, how come people are afraid to call him God, but have no problem with The Big Guy?

Hey, we're talking God. God has been reduced to nothing more than The Big Guy?

I'm watching a football game on TV, and an Argo player looks up at the sky, and commentator Chris Walby cracks, "He must be thanking The Big Guy."
The Big Guy?

I always thought God was a lot more than just a Big Guy. Big Guys are a dime a dozen, but there's only one God, right? To me The Big Guy was the guy who wanted to beat me up after school. I don't think he came from heaven. Guy Gibson was a Big Guy who wanted to beat me up after school, and he came from a tarpaper shack.

I'm looking at a Donato cartoon in the Sun this week on the late cartoonist Ben Wicks talking to St. Peter at heaven's gate. St. Peter refers to God as "The Big Guy." Guess St. Peter, for some strange reason, felt he'd be a laughingstock if he called God, God.

I'm watching a Democrat on TV, and he's talking about Al Gore, and he says, "The vice-president and The Big Guy upstairs have a good relationship." I wonder why the Democrat had trouble saying, "The vice-president and God have a good relationship?" Because God is a bad word, maybe? Everybody would groan if he used the word God, maybe? When and why did God become a word to run away from? When did using the word God become synonymous with -- what? -- wimpery?


Mind you, I don't hear people having a problem saying "God dammit."
Or, when they're complaining, "God, it's hot, eh?"
Or, when they're mad at somebody, "God, but you're an idiot."

Very odd, this. But, I get back to what I started out saying: Maybe God changed his name, but I'm sure it won't be too long now before it'll be obvious; it's just taking a little time for it all to become official.

Like, when a Brit wins the gold medal at the Olympics and I hear the band playing The Big Guy Save The Queen. When an American wins the gold medal at the Olympics and I hear the band playing The Big Guy Bless America.

When I hear somebody yell in frustration, "The Big Guy dammit."

And "The Big Guy, it's hot, eh?"
And "The Big Guy, but you're an idiot."
And a preacher proclaiming, "For The Big Guy so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life."
And the Bible saying, "In the beginning The Big Guy created the heavens and the earth."
And a children's choir singing, The Big Guy Sees The Little Sparrow Fall.
And an adult choir singing, Nearer, My The Big Guy, To Thee.
And a judge saying to a condemned killer, "May The Big Guy have mercy on your soul."
And a bereaved relative saying, "He's with The Big Guy now."
And a relieved person saying, "Whew, that was sure a The Big Guysend."
And a TV evangelist saying, "Hello, faithful followers, and welcome to the Church of The Big Guy."

But wait, what about Jesus? Well, that won't be long in coming, either.

The Slightly Smaller Guy.

Guaranteed. Watch for it. Can't say Jesus because somebody -- The Big Guy forbid -- might think you're a committed Christian; can't have that. Nope. The Slightly Smaller Guy.

I can hear the children singing now. "The Slightly Smaller Guy bids us shine with a pure, pure light," and then the Sunday school teacher reminding them: "And, at the ninth hour The Slightly Smaller Guy cried out in a loud voice, 'My The Big Guy, my The Big Guy, why have You forsaken me?'"

Sad. So sad. But, I'll really know it's all over the day I pick up a penny from the land of the free, the home of the brave and read the inscription: In The Big Guy We Trust.

Christian humour