My best .sig file collection
- Back to Joke index -
Bestsigs Part 2 -
Bumperstickers - (snarfed again)
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Home is a place where you are without having to justify why you're there.
- Ian! Allen idallen@REMOVE_THISncf.ca
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V--- Keep out Sig. file below found to be structurally unsound ---V
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My own little saying (from the Foothills Hospital Nurses Station, Ward 22):
"CAUTION: Men at work ... Women always work, but men have to put
up a sign when they work" ...
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Psychic in training - I see the present, not the future.
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Q. Why do they put a little reset button on the front of computers ?
A. Because the designers know it will have to run Windows.
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A train stops at a train station, a bus stops at a bus station.
On my desk there is a workstation...
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Day 0x2C: God created plain-text documents. And Lo! It was very good.
Day 0x4AF1: somebody emailed me an MSWord file. Sacrilege!
Jeff East (an972@REMOVE_THISncf.ca)
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Someone asked me today which was worse... ignorance or apathy ?
I told them I did'nt know - and did'nt care.
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......... exit to bit-bucket in the ether.... dw413@REMOVE_THISncf.ca
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All brown, wobbly things sent back where they came from.
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Almost anything you do will be insignificant,
but it is very important that you do it. - Gandhi
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This post is made entirely from recycyled ones and noughts
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I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
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If man wasn't meant to eat animals, they wouldn't be made out of food.
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown
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Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes.
That way you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.
Jason ullscarf@nospam.demon.co.uk
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"A man is measured by the depth of his anger."--Eddie (graffiti)
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Day 0x2C: God created plain-text documents. And Lo! It was very good.
Day 0x4AF1: somebody emailed me an MSWord file. Sacrilege!
Jeff East (an972@REMOVE_THIncf.ca)
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Steve Firth . You know it's going to be a bad day when...
. You put your bra on backwards and it fits
Message and .sig (c) 1998 . better.
$500 to reproduce either. . ukm@REMOVE_THISfirthcom.demon.co.uk
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Steve Firth . Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Message and .sig (c) 1998 . Sigh! There's so little hope for
$500 to reproduce either. . advancement. --Snoopy
ukm@REMOVE_THISfirthcom.demon.co.uk
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I live by the nanosecond and burn the candle at both ends.
With a blowtorch! JIM
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Uncle Al Schwartz
UncleAl0@REMOVE_THIix.netcom.com ("zero" before @)
(Toxic URLs! Unsafe for children, Democrats, and most mammals)
"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?" The Net!
Rahul Dhesi dhesiREMOVE_THI@spams.r.us.com
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"Frankly, sir, nobody is that much of an expert on anything, at least
not on usenet." -- Andy Greenberg werdna@REMOVE_THIgate.net
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Politicians are like babies: They need to be changed regularly
and for the same reason."donander@REMOVE_THIats.com.au (Don Andersen
martinh7@REMOVE_THIgower.net
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"When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep - like my grandfather
- not screaming like the passengers in his car."
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I have yet to see a problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at
it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. --Poul Anderson
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Incontinence Hotline, can you hold please?
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/* /\ \/ */ P(char x){putchar(x);}main(){char *e="P-=-H000D>00B0=-",
/* __/oo\__/ */ b,p=0;P(10);while(p16){for(b=6;b;)(e[p]-31)&(1--b)
/* / /_/\_\ Eric Nadeau */ ?P(b|p+97):P(32);++p%4?:P(10);}P(10);}
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Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
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Gordon Dewis | Tired of using "military intelligence" as an example
BA Hons Geography | of an oxymoron? Try "ethical bulk emailer" instead.
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Thanks. The next time I think about playing at politics I'll save
myself the trouble and shred my face off with a cheese grater. ;-)
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"Richard H Huelin" allspamreported@XXXplanefacts.co.uk
No, I only quote facts, I leave it to you to make a fool of
yourself, why should I help you when you do it so well?
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If I had my life to live over, I think I'd like to live over a liquor store.
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Born free........Taxed to death.
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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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WANTED: Meaningful Overnight Relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
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WINDOWS 95 - A 32 bit adaptation of a 16 bit overlay for an 8 bit operating system
written for a 4 bit CPU by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
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"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody
thinks of complaining."
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... then anyone who leaves behind him a written manual,
and likewise anyone who receives it, in the belief
that such writing will be clear and certain,
must be exceedingly simple-minded.
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You can build a throne out of bayonets,
but you can't sit on it for very long. -- Boris Yeltsin
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Ed Pugh, edpugh@REMOVE_THISncf.ca
Richmond, Ontario, Canada (near Ottawa)
"Bum gall unwaith-hynny oedd, llefain pan ym ganed."
(I was wise once, when I was born I cried - Welsh proverb)
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"Question everything." - Douglas Coupland
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"Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will
despise the wisdom of thy words." - Proverbs 23:9
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The problem with this country is that half of the
population is below median intelligence.
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The trouble with doing something right the first time
is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
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Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
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Communication is the lubricant of civilization.
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WebTV: bringing the Internet into the shallow end of the gene pool.
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>Command, n.:
> Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
> such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
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"life is an ever swirling mass of dispair, with brief flashes of false
hope shining through in a collapsing universe." - "i lose."
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The respect you give is the respect you receive. Genuflecting does not
count except in the dispersal of brownie points. When I die I want to
have 1,345,658,947,947,048,069 brownie points.
I remain, James Hall 792-3257
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"If you ask nicely, I will tell you what you are arguing about,
since you apparently have no clue." -Sean McFee
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WINDOWS 95 - A 32 bit adaptation of a 16 bit overlay for an 8 bit operating system
written for a 4 bit CPU by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
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"I've seen you on TV, and you're ugly as hell."
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If you're looking for the Key to the Universe, I've got some good news and
some bad news: The bad news: There is no key to the Universe. The good
news: It was never locked.
- #9 in Swami Beyondananda's Ten Guidelines for Enlightenment
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The better you do your job, the less people will notice you. - Tom Reingold
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My flying instructor taught me, "A superior pilot uses his superior
judgment so that his superior flying skills are never needed." By
analogy, superior networking experts will use their superior network
design skills to design networks that don't need superior network
engineers to build and operate them. - David S. Isenberg
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to err is human. To moo, bovine.
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Advertising (n): the science of arresting the human intelligence
for long enough to get money from it." -Stephen Leacock
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"were you but a glove upon my hand that I might wipe my nose"
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The hardest thing in the world to open is a closed mind.
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"i feel as if i've been struck by cupid's arrow, then
gutted by his opportunistic evil twin, Skippy."
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But don't bother ordering the oysters. They're supposed to improve your sex
life but I had a dozen there and only nine of them worked.
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We're all broken; it's just a question of where.
an972@REMOVE_THISfreenet.carleton.ca (Jeff East)
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"An NT server can be run by an idiot, and usually is." -- Tom Holub, a.h.b-o-i
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For reasons of non-integrity, this transliterate agglomeration has
been interstitially decollubriated to a phorphasic dissonant slurry.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. ( news:ncf.general )
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Genetic engineers make better lovers.
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An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. - Ghandi.
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79.84% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
The other 42% are made up later on.
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"Boromir, with three arrows in your chest, you ARE the Weakest Link, g'bye!"
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'At times it appears the fate of the world is in the hands of a brave
little band of lawn ornaments.'
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"When critical philosophers point their finger at reality, bourgeois
philosophers study the finger." --Paris, 1968
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