Zingers:

TWO LIES AND A TRUTH:The highest court of the United Church of Canada has elected a moderator who now says that he does not believe that Jesus is God, or that he rose from the dead.In similar news, the Canadian government has appointed broadcaster Howard Stern to the UnityPortfolio, and the holocaust denying Ernst Zundel as ambassador to Israel.

THEOLOGICAL HEAVY-WEIGHT:Bill Phipps declared that Jesus contained all of God thatcould be contained in a human being. Modern theologians suggest that if Jesus hadn't fasted somuch, he might have had a body that could hold a bit more of God.

A FAITH FOR TODAY: Since Jesus was not divine, his death was just a tragic accident, not anatoning sacrifice for our sins. His authority to forgive sins is called into question and without theresurrection from the dead, there is no certainty of eternal life for Christians. "That's allright,"says Phipps, "A religion without love, forgiveness, or hope is a lot easier for the people ofthe 90's to believe in."

MODERATOR PISSES ON ATHANASIUS ? When asked whether he would have sided withAthanasius (the good guy) or Arius (the heretic) in the definitive debate about Jesus divinity, themoderator (and I'm not making this up) said, "I don't know, that was a long time ago. I probablywould have gone to the bathroom before the vote."

UNITED CHURCH HEADED FOR PRIME TIME? Conservative Christians within the UnitedChurch of Canada have called Phipps to "repent or resign", Phipps' reaction was to resent andrepine. Phipps wonders, "Since when did you have to be a Christian to lead a church?" and hecites Jim Bakker, Mary Baker Eddy, and Dan Ackroyd (of the situation comedy "Soul Man") as examples.

To Laughter is the Best Theology with Brian Wilkie, author of Zingers.