Tony’s Daily Journal - 2023

On 18 January 2022, Laurie-Ann and Tony Copple returned from South Africa. This daily journal focuses on their time in Etobicoke as caregivers to her father Steve, and looking after their own health challenges. Please start to read at the bottom. Latest postings are at the top.

Jan 2023 | Feb 2023 | Mar 2023 | Apr 2023 | May2023 | Jun 2023

Sun Sep 17    Med - the final post

I am afraid this jornal ends here. I no longer look forward to writing it each day. My health gets worse by the day with chest pain and breathing issues. Many days I wonder how many days the Lord wants me to continuue on for. A couple of important events should however be recorded. On 18 Sept I checked myself into Etobicoke General Hospital primary with the pain in my legs from Pitting Edema and wanting to know just how serious it was, and secondarily from the increasing breathing issues and chest pains. In the few hours after I arrived they put me through all the machines from ECG to CT scan, and then checked me as an in-patient. My phone ran out of power, and this time the trusty Blackberry Q10 never recovered. I was there 4 days as various tests were done and injections were given. A doctor visited me once and explained nothing about any results they may have been seeing. My bed was uncomfortable and the room was cold, which I shared with Liza, a middleaged spinster with many problems in additional to medical ones. I was happy when they finally discharged me, but the days since the discharge have seen no redution in my breathing pains.

Two days later we had one of the most joyful and unexpected events. Around midnight on Saturday 27 July, L-A woke me to say James had come to see me from Las Vegas. Can you imagine the feelings on both sides?! In addition to wonderful conversations, he flew his drone in our side garden, he reconditioned my guitar, and he set up my new iPhone 18. He was very generous with gifts. When he left on the Tuesday we naturally wondered if we would see one another alive again. He was off to Alaska to see if Kathy and Sagan would feel comfortable there should James confirm a good job he's been offerred.

Sat Sep 16    Med

Woke with a wellness factor of 0. Took a nausea pill at breakfast which may have helped with the rest of the day. Or it may have been the Monster I had at lunch.
I went through the laundry for the cotton fitted sheet for Steve's bed. He had been kicking off the nylon fitted sheets.
Message from FNB asking where was the signed document they had requested; I sent again my reply saying I couldn't read it on my screen. But are we talking about the same document?
After finding Top Medical's email with their invoice for Steve's ambulance trip back from EGH, I put together a dossier of Steve's owings to us which Tara can delete from his bank account and send us by EFT. But by 6 pm there was no sign of her. This minor achievement allowed me to clear up quite a lot of paperwork gathered round my desk.
Sent a follow-up email to Mike Finlay saying I planned to contact all term mates and see who had a Mesothelioma diagnosis. It never drew a reply and now I am not sure I am well enough to get into controversy.

Fri Sep 15

At about 3 am I went for a pee and discovered Steve on the floor just inside the front door. He was asleep but seemed in no trouble, so I decided to leave him there. Fast forward to morning, and he had got himself off the floor and was sitting on the Deacon's bench. 8 am and he was now sitting on the floor. Allison came about 8:15, and I gave her an update. She grabbed one of his arms, and I the other, and he had enough energy to stand up, and we walkered him back to the bedroom. She was extra careful he didn't fall, and gave him his wash. When she'd finished she left him on the bed. I had my wash. I walkered him back to the kitchen, but as he approached his place setting, he had a sudden energy loss, and I was unable to hold him. I let him down to the floor carefully. L-A and I applied our lifting skills, but we were unsuccessful, and he remained on the floor a couple of hours. I finally got so sorry for him and his mournful look, I insisted he crawl, and this time his brain finally cottonned on, and he turned over and crawled to the kitchen door. With verbal encouragement from both of us, he was finally able to get his back legs up. I guided him back to his bedroom. It was a day of falls and recoveries, but no serious damage. Yet I worry that the strange behaviour that accompany them indicate a lessening of brain power. He had absolutely no explanation why he would have gone to lie down on the hall floor, and by tomorrow will have no memory of it. Tristan Blackwood called about 1:30 for our first financial planning meeting, and I had some problems with Teams. Laurie-Ann watched on an iPad. However it worked well enough to continue. I was embarrassed when he asked me how much pension income I have and I couldn't remember where I even got pension money from. Laurie-Ann was on the ball and was able to answer most of his question on behalf of both of us. I asked him to send me a list of the data he needed and I would reply with it in accurate detail. Despite these problems, Tristan handled the meeting very well, and I will certainly send him back accurate figures. He homed in on planning opportunities where we would cash out some registered monies, and put into TFSA, saving overall income taxes. It turned out to have beeen a good meeting.

Thu Sep 14    Med

I woke with a strange dream - very rare to remember my dreams. I was in a remote area of Asia where the rocks were all white - as if white-washed. Turned out this was done thousads of years ago to honour their dead, but today's survivors were washing off the white and re-consecrating the dead, and that is what I was involved in. I called Allison and found out when she was planning to come. The 45 minutes she gave me allowed me time for my shower, except that I had forgotten that I'd switched from showers to baths, and had a bath, with some physical actions proving very hard; just one more example of the brain's deterioration. It took so much out of me that when I slumped back on the bed after dressing, I fell asleep, and when I woke Allison had been and gone. I called Eddie, yesterday's technician, who said he was off today, so I called Vital Mobility, and they said I could expect someone at 2. This actually happened, and two men arrived with the new mattress and pump. It didn't take them long before the key parts of the bed looked (and were) new. I tested the systems and all worked perfectly. In fact I suspect the previous pump had never worked fully. I wasn't well, and my legs felt as if they had plaster casts on. I had worn the compression socks several days, and then given them a break, so it was disappointing the legs were still painful. But this plaster cast feeling was really quite painful, and made itself known whenever I stood, or sat.

Wed Sep 13

We were all up, washed, dressed and fed well before 10, but there were no calls to us, and I eventually realized the technician (Eddy) only called his next customer when he'd finished with his last one. So we got a call at 2:15 to say he'd be here about 3 pm. He unplugged all the bladders of the mattress, but heard no rushes of air, and turned his attention to the Domus 4 unit. It didn't take long for him to realize that the main air pump was defective and only blowing at a fraction of its normal power. Then he suggested we buy a new mattress anyway, since there is a major saving on the two bought together, and we would always have a spare mattress readily available. So we went ahead on the deal and I got out my Mastercard. The good news was that the Domus controller and the matress were in stock and could be delivered and installed tomorrow. I turned my attention to the washing. Items in the most recent wash had not dried properly, and some of them were large blankets. I made up his bed with dry blankets, and put some of the smaller ones to work providing acoustic protection from the noise of the low power alarm on the Domus 4

Tue Sep 12

L-A spent a fair portion of the day making elderberry pear crumble pie. We all enjoyed it at dinner. I called Vital Mobility and asked when we might expect the service call, and the best they could say was a phone call around 9 and a visit after 10. Though we received no 9 am call, knowing that we needed to be ready by 10 was helpful.

Mon Sep 11

Tristan (our new IG rep) called to clarify the $10K redemption which had somehow got lost in Carlos' hands, and not for the first time. I am glad to have talked to Tristan who speaks English, getting to be a rare thing these days. My concern for more Mesothelioma in our naval group triggered me to email Mike Finlay, the final line being, "I believe it is urgent to inform all survivors of this. It is possible some have died already. One option would be a short message to all survivors asking if they have Mesothelioma, and if so please to contact me for information that could be very beneficial.">

Sun Sep 10

I attempted to send R200 to Bella via PayPal based on her phone number. I knew most of the additional information they asked for, and I am fairly confident the money went through. She should have it by Wednesday. My body and particularly stomach suffered severe discomfort most of these days. In an effort to relieve it I took odansetron today and on Tuesday, and I believe it helped.

Sat Sep 9

Bruno called back at 6 pm last night! We have a plan. The problem is probably caused by damage inside the mattress. This can be repaired, but takes time. Such damage can be caused by someone sitting down heavily on the mattress, as Steve does. I am to call him at 10 am tomorrow Saturday (I did) and book a service call for next Wednesday 13. Sept. He hopes to have someone there when I call in who can tell me how to turn off the beeping - low pressure alarm (he didn't). I tried out the bed as it is and it's comfortable. I will try some acoustic ideas to reduce the sound of the alarm. I am expecting a time and material's charge. They have gone out of their way to accommodate me.

Fri Sep 8

Ian McCallum died. This was a shock to me. I determined to get the word out about awards being availanle from the MoD for Mesothelioma cases. Steve slept though all the beeps from his bed. He was pretty wet when Allison got here quite early. I served him a mixed grill. After breakfast I called Vital Mobility home health care, but Bruno was going to be round and about throughout the day so I left my name and number. I brought up the huge pile of washed and dried clothes; it was the most strenuous thing I had done in a long while and I needed a long rest afterwards. I sent Tara the latest information about our dealings with Vital Mobility Home Health Care. 'I have been in touch with a very helpful technical specialist there named Bruno. It is possible he'll be able to solve the problem remotely (if he gets back to me). The situation is confused by the fact that the bed was resold to John (or you) 2 months after being sold to the first owner. I wouldn't expect the warranty to have survived the resale. We hope you are feeling better than you have been.
The Domus 4 mattress controller settles into low pressure mode, and activates an alarm every few seconds. In an effort to make Steve's night somewhat comfortable, I put sheets and blankets on the defective mattress, and I put the controller in a cardboard box surrounded by cloths and small blankets, and covered with items of bed linnen. It worked very well, and with our bedrooom door shut, we could't hear it.

Thu Sep 7

The day started with a shower instead of my regular Thursday bath. I thought it would be less strenuous than the bath, and so it proved, and I found it more relaxing. Hartley Silver had got me thinking about compression socks. I realized that it was since I stopped wearing them my pitting Edema had started in ernest. This morning I put them back on and intend to wear them daily. So far they have been comfortable. We need to find a way to send Bella additional cash. If my FNB account could be resurrected, the problem would be solved because I could send her cash from there. So I started with the help chat line, and they gave me the customer service email, fnbkyc@fnb.co.za. I sent them a message. I also contacted PayPal to ask if it is possible to send money with them to South Africa. Tara had sent us details of Vital Mobility Home Health Care, and I called them in Vaughn, armed with a copy on my screen of their original invoice. I got through to Bruno, who wasn't sure why I didn't appear to have the name of the buyer, though I had everything else. Later, L-A was able to tell me that the bed and mattress had been used for 2 months and then sold to John (Sinclair). Bruno then tried another tack, getting me to move to the bed, and, as I turned on the pump, tell him what went on with the lights. Then he directed me to a couple of large tags, both labelled 'CPR.' He said that the tags indicated (amoung other things) if air was escaping, and indeed it was. I plugged the valves back in the CPR side, to stop further air escaping. Then, when I turned on the pump, it actually (if slowly) inflated the mattress. He said to call him when the mattress was inflated, but by then he had gone home. I will have questions to ask, because once the metress was inflated, the 'Low pressure' lamp came on, and beeped. If Steve wanted a more comfortable night, he would have to put up with the continual beeping. Steve said, "Yes" to it. I had a rushed meatloaf dinner, and then a rushed trip to the church, where I couldn't find the chapel where tonight's connect group was due to be held, so I sadly missed it, and came home to do the remaining clearing up. My left leg compression sock had become painful as it rubbed on the bunnion so I took it off. The right leg sock was still comfortable, so I left it on for the night.

Wed Sep 6    Med

My last day to take Tobradex eye drops, a 5 day anti-biotic, but although it has been very effective, I was still waking with some hard deposits around the eyes, though far less severe than in the past. Steve slept on the white couch for much of the morning, but when he did wake for a pee, I took my opportunity to give him his exersizes. Paul and Lamberto hadn't given me a summary of the exercises they had introduced, but I figured that in the overall scheme of things those that Humail and Christine had used would do just fine. This morning they did better than fine, particularly considering that a few days ago I had given up in the middle. Steve performed the exercises better than he ever has before with me, both the brain/memory aspects and the physical aspects. It was a joy to work with him, and it will have done him a lot of good. Afterwards he had a good lunch in the living room. Late afternoon Steve grabbed his walker and beetled off towards the toilet, but unfortunately didn't make it before depositing some poop on the bathroom floor. His effort to sit on the toilet after taking off his diaper was only partially successful, so the toilet seat was treated to poop that should have gone down the toilet. Between the two of us we handled the fallout from these events and soon he and the toilet were cleaned up. I returned him to the white couch, but a little later I discovered him lying on the broken bed, so it can't be that uncomfortable. Dr Makar called me at 6. Further study of my blood test revealed my thyroid is borderline hypo (lazy). She wants me to come in 2 months (on a Wednesday) for a further test. As a bonus she said I can stay on the Tobradex for 5 more days. She also wants me to be taking vitamin D3 2500 IU.

Tue Sep 5    Med

Steve had a chiropody appointment with Dr Hartley Silver, but I felt it too risky to get him there on a walking stick, and this situation would only get worse. Allison had mentioned that it's possible to find a chiropodist who does home visits. So I decided to take over Steve's appointments. I had recently cut my own toenails with some difficulty and risk of drawing blood, since the LED lighted head magnifying visor James had given me would not allow sharp enough focus on my toes, though I had used it regardless for 7 months. I explained the situation to Shanna, Dr Hartley's receptionist that day, and she was happy. When she invited me into one of the two consulting rooms, I explained things to Hartley, and he was happy. In fact we had an exceptionally good chat. I asked him about my Lymphedema. He said the name of my condition is Pitting Edema. Come to think of it, my situation had got worse when I stopped wearing compression socks. He didn't recommend surgery for my bunnions, and didn't seem to think they were particularly serious. He cut my toenails and then smoothed them down with his special burnisher. It wasn't umpleasant.

Mon Sep 4

Steve very weak. We gave up on physio after a few exercises. I gave him lunch in the living room on the table. L-A managed to find Tim Hortons decaf coffee deliverable online. Troy Black has profesied about coming food shortages, and maybe we are seeing this in our deliveries. I knew there were a couple of wheel chairs in the garage behind the matress, and Steve was getting to the point where he might need to use one. I went out and investigated. The first is foldable, but had a flat tire. It's possible there is a repair pump hidden somewhere in the garage. Or I could take it to Canadian Tire. The second chair is in excellent shape, but is not foldable, so its use is limited to short walks up the street. L-A judged me too tired to help her with a regular dinner so we settled on (very nice) egg sandwiches and grapes.

Sun Sep 3

Despite the odds Steve slept through on his deflated mattress and didn't wake us in the night. In fact I slept too well and was woken by Allison at the door. It seemed unlikely that we would get the bed fixed in the middle of the Labour Day weekend. I thought it unreasonable to expect Steve to spend the day on the broken bed, so after breakfast I set him up on the white couch. He has often spent hours on it, and he did this today. with pee breaks. Before phoning Sam d'Angelo, I made a diagram of the pump and the dozen lights on its panel, with its model number 9P 077000. When I did phone him, he assured me he had given all the paperwork with warranty information to John when he picked up the bed. It turned out he was a middleman, introducing clients to the manufacturer. He knew nothing of maintenance. I left a phone message for Tara stating this and asking if she was able to unearth said paperwork, though it seemed odd that he wouldn't have brought it here with the bed. But he certainly hadn't given it to me. Worried about where he would sleep tonight, I piled a few blankets onto his broken bed, making the mattress effectively thicker. Steve started shaking his hands uncontrollably as he finished his apple pie dessert at dinner. In fact I fed him the last four mouthfuls. But this had only been a warning, for soon he dropped off into an 'episode' where he lost the power of speech, and I strapped him into his chair. I had plenty of clearing up to do as I kept an eye on him. For a while he appeared to be getting worse, but eventually he turned the corner and became strong enough to walker himself to another part of the kitchen for an apple, and then to walk with my supervision towards the bedroom. We stopped at the bathroom where I replaced his one diaper with two, so that if he did pee in all the layers of bedlinnen, it would only be a minimal amount. But here our problems began, for he sat down heavily on the wrong part of the bed, and although he had just had enough strength in his legs to walk with the walker, it wasn't enough to stand from a sitting position on the bed, however much I helped him. For some time he attempted to bump himself towards the middle of the bed, making almost no progress. I just sat in the chair; it was 10:30 - past my bed time. After a while I thought he might have regained some strength, so I placed the walker in front of the bedside and he and I tried one last time to get him up. It worked! This 2 1/2 hour exercise was complete. He sat down on the mat and then got his head on the pillow.

Sat Sep 2

I woke earlier than usual, remembering the load of clothes in the drying machine, so I brought them up, not an easy task. About 10 days ago I had dropped most of the contents of a large coffee cup on the floor in front of the stove. By now the heavy kitchen mat from in front of the stove was dry after scrubbing it and leaving it in the basement, so I brought it up and put it in its place. Late yesterday Bella had reminded us of the cash she needed from us in early September, and when I took a brief look, it appeared more was needed than the South African government allows in a month. But when I revisited the situation this morning, prompted by Bella's figures, it appeared we would just be able to satisfy her needs, TKOG. I set up the three XE Money Transfers and sent three explanatory emails so she'd know exactly which expenses each should cover. Tara and Kennedy arrived late afternoon, excited at birthday gifts about to be given to Kennedy. Taylor Swift's Speak Now - Taylor's Version and some pastel gel pens were our contribution, and she spent the next hour or so listening on a CD player in Tara's room. Tara isn't well and went downstairs for a nap that lasted several hours till about 9. It was while she was sleeping that the pump on Steve's air bed failed. The lights became uncontrollable, and eventually the pump wasn't pumping and the bed deflated. Before she and Kennedy left she was able to give me the name of the person who had sold John the bed: Sam d'Angelo, 416 347 2233, samdangelo@bell.net. Huston, we have a problem! My subconscious mind started trying to figure out answers. During supper I asked Steve, "Do you want pumpkin pie or berries and ice cream?" "Whichever is fastest," said Steve without hesitation. After supper I took him to his bedroom, knowing it wasn't going to be a comfortable night for him. This had been a busy day for me, but I was feeling a little better physically so was able to accomplish these things.

Fri Sep 1

We were awakened by Allison arriving about 8 am. I try to be up by the time the PSW comes, so instead I stayed one jump ahead of her as she washed Steve, and had his cerial ready when he was clean and dry. I felt too tired to join him at breakfast, but once he was back in bed I had mine. It being the first of the month I sent promised money to Bella by XE Money Transfer. Two hours later Paul and Lamberto arrived so Paul could show Lamberto the exercises he had chosen for Steve. I was embarrassed to see a wet patch on Steve's bum as he walked assisted from the bedroom, noticed immediately by Paul. Lamberto went through the short list of exercises with Steve, monitored by Paul. When they left, I walked with Steve to the bathroom. I took off his trousers which were wet across the backside. I then removed his diaper, which had remained dry throughout the last 2 1/2 hours. This was more than a mystery! An answer could explains endless items of clothing that I have lugged down to the washing machines, perhaps unnecesarily. It would appear to me that Steve removes his penis from his diapers, and then uninates freely into his clothes. Of course he remembers nothing of this, except ocasionally a warm sensation which he mentioned such as when I questioned him this morning. I sent the most urgent R10,000 of Bella's begining of month needs to her. Though I had lots to do on my 'Don't Forget' list, I still spent time on couches attempting to recover some energy.

Thu Aug 31    Med

Paul came again and spoke about getting a transit chair to avoid the risks of unsteadiness. I think we are unlikely to do this at Steve's present general health level, but if he deteriorates below being able to handle his walker, it will be an option. I felt sick and ill most of the day. Tara told L-A she may bring Kennedy here on Saturday. I tried the eye drops version of Tobradex and was immediately impressed. Soothing and effective.

Wed Aug 30    Med

I had been looking forwared to my appointment with Dr Makar, and rightly so because the results of the blood test she had taken showed a clear improvement since my first iron infusion. Since I hadn't felt better to match these results, they were all the more significant in encouraging me. She seemed keen on having the second infusion soon. I took the opportunity to see if there was an alternative to the Tobradex anti-conjunctivitis ointment she had prescribed, which left a film on my eyes, and she said Tobradex was also available as eye drops. I said, "Yes please!"

Tue Aug 29    Med

I was extra tired while making Steve his breakfast, which had needed some ingenuity because the last two sausages were growing fluff, and the mushrooms were hard. So we had scrambled egg, fried tomato and prosciutto, which needed two frying pans. After breakfast I just got more and more tired after exertion, and I went to bed shortly after noon. I was woken by a phone call from Dr Brezel's assistant to ask if she should send through a prescription with an alternative to his glaucoma eye drops. I suggested that instead she send an email with the name of the alternative and I would discuss with Dr Dang. I felt a little better so went into the garden and harvested some more elderberries. I spent part of the time sleeping on the grass. To get still more elderberries would need a longer ladder, but I wasn't prepared to take the increased risk of falling off it. L-A and I spent some pleasant time on the porch, she with tea and I with pumpkin pie and milk. We decided to have pizza for dinner and I went to Pizza Nova (the first time forgetting my money) with the recipe: chicken pizza with spinach, sun dried tomatoes, red peppers and red onions. Everyone liked it.

Mon Aug 28

Since the drying machine had some clothes we needed in it, such as my vest, the first thing I did when I got out of bed was to bring the dry clothes upstairs. They were really heavy for me but I made it, dumping the clothes on the end of my bed and then taking another 20 minutes sleep to recover. When I delivered Steve his morning Tylenol, I judged he would be fine till Allison turned up. I brushed my teeth and shaved and then dressed slowly. Allison was here for the first time since Friday 11 August, and washed Steve normally. I asked her about the new diapers I had bought for him and she said they were good. Paul the physiotherapist arrived about 11 and established part of his assessment by watching Steve walk with his walker into the living room. Late afternoon there was a bang from Steve's room. He had used the table instead of the walker to get himself across the room to use the teapot, which he had successfully done, but on his way back to bed he's lost his balance, and he, and the table were lying on the floor in some disarray. At least there was no pee on the floor. I pulled him with his legs to where there was more space, got him to roll over onto his front, brought the walker to be in front of him, and persuaded him to pull himself up with the walker while getting one leg standing. He knows the routine quite well by now. Soon he was back in bed for a while before joining us for dinner in the kitchen.

Sun Aug 27    25 years ago I asked Laurie-Ann to marry me.

We weren't sure if CBI had been efficient enough to restart the PSW service on the day after Steve returned from hospital, and if they hadn't I had lots of work to do. By this morning he'd had no help to clean himself. It would work well if a PSW came before the bed was soaked. I called CBI and confirmed that a PSW, Shivorn whould be coming around 11. I thought he could hang on till then. She's efficient and I told her to decide if he was steady enough on his legs to go into the bathroom. She decided in favour and there were no problems. So when she was done with him, she brought him to the kitchen for a very late breakfast. The fact that he had breakfast in the kitchen was a victory. He spent the rest of the day in bed except for lunch (served in bed) and dinner, shared with us in the kitchen. James, Kathy and Sagan video-called on this the occasion of Sagan's 8th birthday, and the talk was about bicycles. I should have had an hour or more in bed but I didn't. I felt desperately tired particularly after a trip downstairs. When I went to bed the drying machine was dealing with a full load.

Sat Aug 26

Dr Dang had delayed Steve's departure to enable me to receive the training from hospital physiotherapists in getting him in and out of bed. I have been doing this for months so I'm not sure how much I learned. More significant were the several pieces of equipment they recommended that we buy, notably a stationary commode. so that his toilet funcltions could all be conducted within the bedroom. They also recommened a 2-wheeled walker, a transport wheelchair, and an adjustable bed rail, and gave me a list of where these things could be bought. Steve's nurse Cuito promised that his personal belongings wouldn't be left in the hospital. I called Top Medical and booked the ambulance for 4:30, and informed Cuito. I went home via Valley Farm Produce in a thunderstorm, feeling pretty exhaused when I reached Alanmeade. L-A was preparing Steve's evening meal, and I went to bed for 45 minutes. The ambulance trip home for Steve was accomplished without incident, though Steve told me later it was a bumpy ride. The two ambulence men had just enough strength to lift him up the porch steps and onto his bed. They also mentioned in answer to my question that any hospital sheets and blankets that arrived with him were his to keep. I received a message on the landline from a physiotherapist named Paul offering to bring him exercise therapy twice a week, and we set Monday at 12:30 for the start. Steve was quiet for the rest of the night; I couldn't persuade him to let me remove his hospital diaper and his other wet clothes. He did eat a healthy portion of pork tenderloin and roast vegetables sitting in his inclined bed, and he was very pleased to end his meal with berries and ice cream.

Fri Aug 25

Dr Dang called L-A to say she had set up a training for me tomorrow morning from some physiotherapists in basic moves to get Steve in and out of bed. Tara and L-A spoke about the current situation re whether Steve would be better off in a long term care facilty, and they agreed as an alternative that we could hire a professional nurse who could come in between 10 pm and 2 am when Steve can sometimes be at his least co-operative

Thu Aug 24    Med

Late morning I was at EGH to see Steve. He was fast asleep when I arrived, and his bedmate Alfredo claimed my attention. Alfredo was unable to pee, and had used a catheter for two months. This I could relate to. He asked me to bring him iced water, but when I found the kitchen the ice container was empty, so I filled it. I took him tap water and some iced orange. Shortly after a nurse removed the water. Steve showed no signs of waking, but a little later his main doctor, Dr O'Brien came by. She said they had been trying to check the reasons for certain episodes he had been having, such a variable heart rated. She suspected the glaucoma eyedrops were to blaim. Then she said she was looking into the effects of the fall that had brought him into the hospital. I told her there was no fall; it was a misunderstanding promulgated by the firemen after seeing him prostate on the bathroom floor. Hearing this she said there was no reason why he couldn't come home. She said I should organize an ambulance for tomorrow afternoon since he was unsteady on his feet, and gave me the number of Top Medical, 416 716 6167. Dr Liederman called me! I took the opportunity to apologize for bugging him with my misunderstanding of how long the pain would persist. I aked when I should arrange a pre-iron-infusion blood test, and he said late September, and he would send me a requisition. About 2:30 I called Top Medical and ordered and ambulance. Their next window was 4:30-5 so I paid $209.51 with my Mastercard. Then I called the clinic at the hospital only to hear they had postponed his departure to give time for me to receive training in transfering him from from and to his bed, and they would call me when they have a time. They had told me this was on the cards earlier, but it was a pity they hadn't confirmed it. So, with some difficulty I cancelled the ambulance. During the day Tara called L-A and received an update on these things. All day my chest ached, even with the mild pain of typing onto this keyboard, and whenever I exerted myself physically I suffered the pain of fatigue.

Wed Aug 23    Med

I was back in Eringate clinic in the morning and Rhianna collected the blood samples. Since yesterday I had read the article 'What to expect from an iron infusion' (see Sat Aug 19), and while my new knowledge didn't reduce the pain, it gave me extra strength to handle it from knowing what was going on. It would take a while (a few weeks?) but eventually I should feel much improved all the time. It now seems very naive of me to have expected to feel better almost immediately. Maybe my experiences with blood transfusions gave me that idea. But I still think I deserved 5 minutes of Liederman's time to tell me something of what to expect.

Tue Aug 22    Med

It was good to be welcomed by Dr Makar, and so as not to miss anything important I read out my anaemia pain story since 16 August (just 5 days ago). I wanted to know if my experience was normal; an increase in chest and body pain when I exert myself to even the smallest degree. She impressed on me that when I call the (TGH Haematology) Clinic I ask a minimum of two questions: when is my bloodwork set to determine my next iron infusion, and when is my next infusion. These are a little 'in your face' because Dr Makar has had the same problem with communications there as I have. L-A had been concerned that my thyroid might not have been tested, but Makar had done so twice when I first became her patient, and there was nothing untoward. It turned out that this clinic did blood collection and analysis every Wednesday, so I was booked in for tomorrow at 10:50 by Rhianna, her second assistant, and it was to be a very comprehensive set of tests in case something had been missed. Bella responded positively to my questions last week, and I told her I planned to send her the first half of the cost of new glasses - R6,000 on 1 September plus some known needs for September, so that I send money in R5,000 chunks as much as possible. Although I had suggested to her that her prescription wouldn't have changed, the store thought otherwise and re-tested her, finding a significant deterioration. This may turn out to be an unexpected benefit of this sad accident.

Mon Aug 21    Med

I called V and made an appointment to see Dr Makar at 10:40 on Tuesday. I'm worried about the tiredness pain in my chest, becoming much worse after the slightest exercise, and L-A suggested it could even be the fault of my thyroid, or other organ, so time to have these things checked out. And I am not getting the feedback or support I would expect after the iron infusion. Today was the first day of our Numeris online radio survey. In the afternoon I went to see Steve in his new room (7052-1) - for cardiac patients, following an incident last night when his heart rate fell quite seriously. He had recovered by the time I saw him and I used it as an opportunity to watch two nurses clean his backside. He had not lost his teeth, his glasses, or his electric shaver during the move from the 10th floor. I was pretty tired when I got home about 6.

Sun Aug 20

We both went to church, which celebrated community day instead of a message. As part of community day, Catherine and Bob spent some special prayer time with us. Community Day was for the kids, and there was plenty for them to eat and occupy themselves.

Sat Aug 19    Med

No apparent let-up from the anaemia pains 3 days after the iron infusion. However, if I had read What to expect from an iron infusion, or Dr Liedernan had explained it to me, I wouldn't have expected immediate results. Starting Monday we are going to be tracking all our radio listening for Numeris for a week. Ever since we set up the stereo so we could watch Netflix, we haven't been able to listen to radio on it. I did switch round a number of audio cables. But for L-A to track her radio listening. she needs a radio! So this afternoon I fixed the FM and AM channels on the stereo. Truth to tell, I don't know what I did, other than check wiring, but FM studdenly started blaring from the speakers. We then spent the rest of the day listening to 96.3 Classical FM. It had been bright sunshine all day so I waited till dusk to photograph the newly shorn bushes in the garden. Here's the one outside Steve's window. I sent pics of all the shorn bushes to Tara, and also a photo of Steve shaving in the hospital.

Fri Aug 18    Med

We were woken by the landscaping team in their 4 trucks getting to work trimming the bushes round the house. What had started with a comment from Steve that he couldn't see out of his window had become a comprehensive exercise in beautifying the gardens all around the house. They did good work (though I understand they were paid well). L-A had a call with Steve's dietition, who told her that that the cause of his heavy cough was a condition caused by drinking liquids, and recommended 'Thicken Up Clear' to be added to his foods. She said she'd leave samples in his room. Laurie-Ann was able to source some on line in Laval and ordered 3 cans. As the contractors left, I harvested what I could from the elderberry tree, and when I took it in, L-A immediately started work on what would become elderberry pie. As the day progressed I still didn't feel any better, so during the morning I left a phone message for Dr Liederman, that I was actually feeling worse after two days, and should I be worried? I also asked if I should be expecting a second infusion any time soon. After lunch I went to the hospital to see Steve being fed by a nurse. Apparently when he feeds himself, too much goes onto the bedsheets. I had brought him a couple more bananas. I got him his fully charged shaver so he could continue shaving for a while. While he did so I said, "Hi" to his room mate Josie, and ended up praying for her, which she was touched by. I picked up the Thicken Up Clear and was on my way, stopping whenever I spied a bench. L-A had texted me suggesting that we dine on Pizza, so I aimed for Pizza Nova.

Thu Aug 17    Med

I woke hoping to detect some reduction in the fatigue caused by my anaemia, but if there was any it was wishful thinking, unless you count a determination to visit Steve during the morning. He was all smiles when I arrived. He'd just finished his breakfast and was wearing his teeth and his glasses. I had brought his shaver, and suggested that he should do some shaving right now, which he did, with good work particularly on his upper and lower lips. By the time I was leaving he had also worked well on his chin. He had a new room mate called Josie, and she was keen to chat with him, and tell him how handsome he is. Someone in the nursing station told me that if I rang his bell, his nurse would come, and that's how I met with nurse Kiren, who wasn't able to tell us much, but I thought it would be good for Steve to hear anything she had to say. On the way out of the parking lot I photographed the red notice telling visitors they should pay inside the building. Now this is nonsence, as admitted by the parking staff, who had some BS reason for why the notice is there. I wonder how many visitors have scrambled back into the building unnecessarily. Back home I gave L-A her breakfast, shortly after which she returned to the bedroom for more rest, and I joined her in such a good idea.

Wed Aug 16

Hot news (for me) as I scanned today's headlines: Monster (energy drinks) pulled off Canadian shelves. Their labelling doesn't come up to scratch, though there have been no (zero) reports of illness from drinking Monster drinks. This sounds like it comes from the same government watchdogs who want to ban all non prescription drugs. Monster has been of major help to me in battling fatigue. I hope the company is engaging really good lawyers to fight it once labelling issues and the like have been resolved. I went to TGH for my iron infusion, somewhat apprehensive, and taking breaks. First I needed to attend the TGH pharmacy, and they seemed to take forever as they prepared my particular dose. I was worried I would be late for the infusion appointmennt, but I needn't have been as nurse Michael, wearing a rainbow watch strap swung into action. The process was much as with other infusions as the rich brown-red fluid cursed into my vein and body. Someone mentioned this was the first of two infusions, which would explain why I had two prescriptions. Someone else mentioned it wasn't covered by OHIP and cost $600, but no-one else has yet confirmed that. The process took about 90 minutes plus half an hour flushing. Shortly after I returned home, feeling neither better nor worse than when I left, James called and I took the video call. He was extemporizing on his piano to get himself in the right frame of mind for a job interview with an ajent company for Amazon. In their project to greatly expand the use of drones for online deliveries, Amazon is hiring a group of drone experts. This group will go to Seattle for three months intensive training in the skills thought to be necessary, and the group will be pruned as members demonstrate (or not) their skills and ability to fit in with the Amazon culture. I asked James if I might pray for him before the interview, but he turned down the suggestion flat saying that he didn't want a job won with any divine assistance; he wanted it to be achieved through his own efforts alone. Now when I was an atheist, I believed exactly the same. So after our call I prayed that he would have a successful interview and be selected for the group, since all good things come to those who ask, or someone asks on their behalf. Then I had a thought come into my mind, that a company like Amazon is more interested in attracting staff who will follow the Amazon culture, than their technical akills, that can always be taught, so I texted the the gist of that to him in hope that it could help with the interview. He didn't get the message till after his interview call. In the evening we watched the movie Blackberry, a pretty scathing indictment of how not to run a company, with a sideswipe at why few Canadian companies have achieved lasting international success.

Tue Aug 15

James called after breakfast and we went droning around his part of Las Vegas, while being able to chat. He has overcome a number of technical problems to get to this point. His worst issue now is that Luna barks at the drone. See 3 Aug: The problem I had obtaining my discount for the September Conference was resolved satisfactorily by an email from Catherine to ana.mijailovic@catchthefire.com. So I can attend everything at half price. I failed successfully to call Steve's nurse at the hospital, and I won't be able to visit tomorrow, but I am confident the hospital will call us or Tara when they are ready for him to move out. Bella needed cash for Cathy's scans, and I was able to send it plus two family allowances without exceeding the R25,000 maximum per month. I am still unsure how the MasterCard interest is calculated on cash outlays to fund international transfers, so having sent Bella's money I paid off the MasterCard in full. We are going to need more money from Carlos soon. Tara called L-A with news from the hospital. Steve has a urinary tract infection, so we are unlikely to see him for a few days. I was relieved there had been some communication between us. I plugged in his shaver, and next time I go see him I'll attempt to shave him. I thought a lot about my iron infusion tomorrow, wondering if I'd really feel a difference, or whether it would only be marginal. I certainly didn't relish the idea of the discomfort of the last few weeks in my body becoming the norm.

Mon Aug 14

I woke after an hour's lie-in with two goals for the day. After getting breakfast for the two of us, I gave the bathroom a major cleaning with some of Carol's very strong-smelling disinfectant, a scrubbing brush and the mop. This left the floor pretty wet, and it wasn't dry by the time Laurie-Ann needed to use the facility. She came up with an excellent idea: lay the front door mat on part of the bathroom floor, and the pink bathroom towel on the other part. Feeling like Sir Walter Raleigh I then invited her to enter. One goal accomplished. Next I went to the hospital to see Steve. I took several rests on the way to his room. and I did see him, but he didn't see me. He was either in deep sleep or drugged up. There was a nurse working at a computer outside his room, and I asked her if I could speak to Steve's nurse. After 15 minutes or so, his nurse Achmar turned up. She was awaiting the doctor's visit. She said he had spent quite a lot of time talking in his gibberish language, and they felt his dementia was worse. She was concerned that if I took him home I wouldn't be able to get him safely into the house, and that an ambulance may be necessary. She assured me that before sending him home they would have a detailed talk with me. My impression was that there was nothing wrong with him that would prevent his return home. I left him a couple of bananas, and went downstairs to the cafetaria where I had a burger and a coke. It's getting to be a habit. I used my credit card to leave the parking lot, but found the audio instructions confusing. They suggested I could insert them in either order, but after my credit card was rejected twice, I inserted the parking ticket first and everything finally worked, probably to the relief of the line up of cars behind me. L-A cooked a comprehensive everything root vegetable stew with turkey which used up some of the vegetables that we have because od Steve's absence.

Sun Aug 13

L-A was determined to attend CTF although she didn't get to say more than "Hi" with Bob or Catherine. The worship was excellent. The speakers were Mike and Robbie Frank. Mike had been an extremely successful businessman turned Christian public speaker. After church we decided to have hamburgers at Zula Burger Pizza as an alternative to cooking dinner that night; instead we had eggs.

Sat Aug 12

I was woken by watching the sun rise over Las Vegas - live - via James' drone, and even able to talk to him for part of it. I was still sleepy so was seeing some things double, but it was still special. I had a bath, which was harder than usual due to my continuing diminishing iron. Then I cooked us porridge which made up for it. I packed up a bag of basics for Steve, and drove to the hospital about 1 pm. The hospital reception didn't know his room number but knew he was on the 10th floor. On the 10th floor it wasn't obvious which window was a reception, and I must have looked confusued because a passing nurse directed me to the one in front of me which had shown no interest in me thus far, and had no sign such as 'Reception.' They asked me for his name and and told me the room number was 1059. Steve was looking very clean and tidy, and at first dozy, in his bed, as he figured out who was this person? Then he recognized me and was happy to chat. I looked around for his belongings, and found a plastic bag labelled 'Patient belongings.' Inside were the clothes he came in with, and I greedily grabbed at his grey jacket, and in one of the side pockets was his upper denture! I cleaned it as best as I could and then sought out his nurse. I showed her both dentures and explained that he would now be able to eat solid food. She got the importance of the point as I recommended she inform the local food distribution people. I showed Steve the things I had brought him: his glasses, his comb, his shoes and a change of clothing. By now he was a very different person from the man who had lain all night on his bathroom floor. That person had the mental illness symptoms of dementia which we haven't seen before. This man was gentle, communicative and glad to be safe in a hospital bed. When I was leaving he stretched out his hand to me in a firm handshake. I told him I'd be back in a couple of days. On the way out of the parking lot, I read a notice: 'Please pay at paystation before returning to your vehicle.' so I reparked the car, and took the parking ticket back into the hospital, and payed my $14 at the paystation. I then went to parking services and complained. 'Why couldn't I pay on exiting the parking lot?' Well it turned out I could. So I complained that their sign was misleading. Their response was that it was helpful when there were lines-up of cars waiting to leave. I repeated that their sign was misleading. Back home L-A asked for salmon dinner with pasta and fresh vegetables, which I found challenging to prepare. I dislike Pan Sear salmon but my main problem was that the anaemia had exhausted me. But I was very happy with my visit to Steve and his reaction to it.

Fri Aug 11

I was conscious of a weighty decision as we turned in on Thursday night. If Steve didn't wake in the morning, whose fault would it have been? Yet his history showed a habit of falling to a low ebb, but then recovering. In the end it was the thought of Allison coming in the morning, with her experience that suggested we could leave him where he was and monitor him through the night in the hopes that at some stage he would 'awake' from his 'turn.' In fact the major challenge of the night was finding a way for Laurie-Ann to pee. While I was able to stand over Steve in the bathroom, there was no way for her to get in there, so she ended up using a kitchen pot with my help. Steve hardly moved in the night, but we knew he was OK from his occasional gruff words, intelligible or not, which we could hear from our room. I got up at 8 and unlocked the door and brushed my teeth and shaved. Allison arrived as I was putting on my shoes to discover the grand scheme for herself. It wasn't long before she agreed we call the fire service, so I did that, and they arrived within minutes. Getting him off the floor took longer. While in the early stages last night Steve hadn't wanted to co-operate with me, now he was confronting a higher level of authority, and also the early stages of sanity had returned. It took two strong skilled experts finally to get him on his feet and, via the walker, onto his bed. It was now that the team leader called in medics to establish his current physical status. Allison was still here and took the opportunity to sponge-bath Steve on the bed, and make him more comfortable. She was a good member of the team. They came with the equipment to move him to the ambulance. The medics plugged their devices into him and found no serious issues, but it was his brain that had led us on an unmerry dance, so I wasn't sorry when they carried him off to Etobicoke General. I cleaned the lower denture that he'd taken out in the bathroom, and searched for the upper one, not finding it anywhere in the bathroom or bedroom, and mad with myself for not checking his coat pockets before they took him. Laurie-Ann informed Tara of the various happenings in the night. Tara was unwell herself. Suddenly the house without Steve seemed a place of extra peace, and we both decided to take several hours on the bed. I woke the better for it, and had a small lunch and a Monster. I checked my upcoming appointments and have my next CT scan on 18 October. By then I'm really hoping for progress with the anaemia under the supervision of Dr Liederman. I called the hospital, and with some difficulty found Steve's nurse. They would be running tests on him and I can call tomorrow to see if there are any conclusions.

Thu Aug 10

I felt better when I rose - early - probably from the blood transfusion. L-A had an early appointment in Etobicoke General Hospital to do with her fatty liver disease, and she had decided to go in by Uber. Before even waking Steve, I fed L-A her breakfast, and got the walker out of the Chevvy. But at about the time she expected the Uber, she received instead a message saying no drivers were available. I was available so I took her, but first went inside to get the car keys. Then I had a bad idea. I locked the door with the door blocker as its very first trial for real and went out via the rear door. It was only when we were on our way to the hospital that I realized I'd forgotten that Allison could arrive before I returned. Best available plan: get L-A to the hospital asap and get myself back asap and hope that that was before Allison arrived. I was lucky; the traffic was light, and I was indeed back some while before Allison came, so the problem disappeared. Quite early I received a call from Dr Liederman's staff with the full details for an iron infusion at TGH next Wednesday at 1:30. L-A arrived home - by Uber - earlier than expected after a reasonably helpful visit with Dr Sarah Wong, and a booking for a Fibroscan, which L-A arranged for 11:30 on 11 September at Liver Scan Direct. James had set up the technology so that as he flow the drone and its camera sent back the views he wanted to capture, he was able to forward the video footage to me. This was exciting stuff. It was a 'first' for me, but also for him. By lunchtime the benefits of the blood transfusion seemed to be wearing off, and I had a Red Bull. I asked Chat GPT how to tell which oranges, nectarines and mandarines, etc are more tart and which are sweeter, receiving information I could have done with for years. L-A went off by Uber to Bob and Catherine's leaving me to supervise the ever more erratic Steve. He was having a bad day from both a physical and mental health perspective. In mid afternoon he tried to put on his shoes (for no good reason) and fell heavily on his backside. As the day continued, his behaviour and speech became stranger. At the start of dinner, I found him drinking from my Lactulose-Pharma strong laxative, which probably shouldn't have been on the dinner table, but I hadn't seen him before actually taking medications not prescibed for him. Around 8:30 he started crawling, searching for tiny things on the floor, and refusing to get up. I had had difficulty getting on to the Zoom call but we had figured out the problems. I reloaded Zoom on my machine with the latest version and I think that helped. So I enlisted the prayer power of the group to ask for mercy for Steve as he enters definitely a new phase of his illness. L-A got home close to 10 pm and Steve was now stretched out on the bathroom floor, his lower denture on the bathroom counter, still searching for little bits and talking gibberish, with his face prone next to the toilet and refusing any help or advice to get up and into bed.

Wed Aug 9    Med

I had 3 scheduled appointments at PMH today, but just getting to the hospital while fatigued was my early concern. I stopped to rest three times while walking from Queen's Park station. I went to the blood collection centre, and then to Medical Imaging for a chest X-Ray. I was preparing for the X-Ray (ie taking off my shirt) when Dr Liederman's assistant called and confirmed I would be hearing from them about iron infusion. Mystery solved. There was still 20 minutes before my appointement in the Lung and Sarcoma clinic, so I went to Tim Horton's for a Bacon English Muffin and coffee, my first food of the day, and wondered what news I would be hearing following my CT scan last Monday (the one before being 24 February, when Dr Bradbury had been very pleased to see some tumour schrinkage.) On my way up to the clinic I made friends with Bo, a volunteer stationed near the elevators, whose job is to help everyone, but particularly first time patients as they navigate the hospital. Soon I was in the clinic, disappointed not to be seeing Penny Bradbury, but pretty happy with Dr Jamie Feng. All of Dr Bradbury's staff are high class. He delivered excellent news, that the recent scan, 31 July, had shown continued significant shrinkage of the Mesothelioma tumour. Now this was really good to hear, particularly after immunotherapy had shown far less dramatic results. He confirmed that Dr Liederman was indeed planning on an iron infusion. Most of my significant discomfort is caused by my hemaglobin and the low iron levels, not by the cancer, so I am very happy with the way the treatment is moving on the cancer front, and on the anaemia front. But Jamie wanted to give me some more immediate relief in the form of a blood transfusion. He sent me to the blood Collection Centre for the extra tests they do before a transfusion, and then organized a transfusion for me at 1:30. This gave me 90 minutes rest before I reported to the Day Clinic, where I met Dr Robert, and not for the first time. This transfusion ran more smoothly than the previous two. Robert couldn't have been more attentive. Getting home from PMH had been marginally easier than on my previous visit for the CT Scan, possibly because I had received the blood transfusion. But I still stopped for rests every so often. I stopped off at Valley Farms and bought some nectarines, which were quite nice but lacking in tartness.

Tue Aug 8

I took Steve for a haircut with Ben. Just getting him into the car was dangerous for falling, but we hade it, and Ben recognized him from the store entrance. I asked him to cut it extra short because I really didn't feel it wise to bring him in again, and thought I should cut it myself, or find someone doing home visits. I had taken $25 of Steve's money from his wallet (with his permission) to pay. While he was in I went to Silvertime and bought a new leather watch strap to replace the original which had failed on Sunday, and then bought a 6-pack of Pale Pilsner from the LCBO. This had proved to be my favourite local craft beer from 6 bought there recently. When checking in online for tomorrow's hospital visits I noticed that two medications had been added to my list on the UHN Patient Portal: Cyanocobalamin 1,000 mcg/ml injection, and Monoferric (Iron Isomaltoside). My guess is that they were added by Dr. Liederman's staff. Steve decided to try and dismantle his walker seat just as we called him into supper. Normally it would be food trumps all with Steve, but tonight he was determined, despite the fact that the food was left-over souvlaki. I was far from my best and something triggered me to break my own rules and threaten him. I said that if he didn't come into the kitchen for his dinner I would throw it in the compost. Now, he can detect an empty threat at half a mile so he just stayed in the living room until I capitulated and went in there and cajoled him. He came, and really enjoyed the souvlaki, saying so a couple of times. He was way behind us and we had left the kitchen while he finished his meal. Suddenly we heard a crack of glass. I was in there fast to see that his previously full glass of ginger ale was now all over the red table mat and the glass itself was in two or more pieces. I wheeled him towards the bathroom, where I changed his trousers and diaper and took him next door to bed. I returned to the kitchen and tackled the clearing and washing up, beginning with placing ramikens under the red table cloth so it would dry overnight.

Mon Aug 7

When I took in Steve's morning Tylenol, I asked if he was dry. And he said he was. I decided to experiment. I took him into the bathroom and had him drop his trousers and diaper, which were indeed dry, and then invited hime to pee, which he did with some volume. After pulling up his dry trousers and diaper, I returned him to his dry bed. He was sill dry when Allison arrived after her vacation of some weeks in Europe. It was good to see her again. I had forgotten to upload a Brian Wilkie podcast for Sunday, but when I got into it the situation was worse. Brian had been away and I only found one suitable sermon to upload, but it wasn't till I was quality checking that I discovered I had completely forgotten the previous week, 30 July as well. I posted a notice saying podcast missing on that day, and if I can possibly find a sermon of his I haven't already used, I can recover. My eyesight was compromized by blurredness since I had applied Tobradex last night, although it had fought off the conjunctivitis. I had a Red Bull with my lunch although it still tasted awful, because I wanted to be productive for the afternoon. Cathy contacted L-A about Pat Codner's 'memorial' service. It seems it could happen as soon as next week, when we have nothing planned at present. I opened up uFile, after praying for inspiration, studying the second of their suggestions, soon realizing they were referring to L-A's colouring book business. I obtained the missing NAICS code from the previous year, and now I just need to how to key in her sales for 2022. So that was some progress. I changed Steve's trousers and diaper before they wet his bed.

Sun Aug 6

Neither of us was up to going to church, so we watched the CTF service on line - until the signal failed after the first half hour. This was particularly sad since Steve and PSW Amy happened to be watching at the time just after she had finished cleaning him up. Both L-A and I were extra tired for much of the day. For dinner L-A ordered in souvlaki, and the three of us shared dinner for two, and there should be enough for tomorrow night. There is a change going on with my taste buds. As well as some individual foods losing their appeal for me, I wasn't enjoying some whole meals, such as the souvlaki as much as in the past.

Sat Aug 5    Med

This was a tired day for me, which at first I put down to the three trips to Home Depot yesterday. But my tiredness today was unrelenting, letting the Home Depot and installation of the door blocker off the hook. I have never felt like this before, and spent a lot of time dozing on the couches. I twice felt it necessary to help Steve change his trousers and diaper.

Fri Aug 4

The PSW this morning hadn't been before; her name was Mary Loo. When she was done I played Hello Mary Loo to her and she was intrigued. Mid morning I gathered my energy together and drove to Home Depot. My intention was a rent a small hand-held drill, but to them, 'small' was the largest drill I had ever handled. It was industrial capability, and heavy as I found out lugging it back to the car. The rental was for 4 hours. When I got home I soon found my first hurdle: the 2" drill I had bought yesterday left an inch of screw sticking proud, and no extra strength would persuade it to burrow through further (and incidently preventing our front door being closed). Either I must buy a 3" drill, or I must be satisfied with the reduced security of 2" screws. Not forgetting the time limit on the rental, I chose the second option. The chance of buying a 3" drill appeared a lot less after yesterday's experience, and surely it wouldn't be hard to buy 2" screws. I removed the drill with a wrench from the basement because I had jammed it. I drove back to Home Depot, and had the most frustrating time trying to find 2" Phillips screws. A passing customer service assistant was no better than I and I asked if he could send a specialist, but no-one came. I was trying to decide whether to ignore the 4 hour deadline when I found a small box of square-ended 2" scews. I then searched out the aisle which had yielded the Phillips adapter, and was able to find a square adapter, size 2, the smallest. I bought the screws and the screwdriver adapter and returned home, where L-A had got the potato-parsnip-leek soup heating up on the stove. I tested that the screwdriver adapter fit the new screws and it did. We were on our way - again! But we weren't home and dry. There is an oblong screw hole in the flat steel part that will hold the door blocker into the door post, and a short screw is provided to use half way along the oblong, so that the door blocker can be temporarily put in position. When I did this. the door blocker would not reach the closed position. So I loostened the short screw and gave the door blocker more room, and this time there was too much room and the door wouldn't fully close securely. So I drilled a different hole for the short screw, and this time the door blocker was in the ideal position. I drilled 3 2" holes and screwed in the 3 2" screws. Something must have slipped because the door blocker wouldn't block. I ended repositioning the three 2" holes twice more before the door blocker fit, locking and unlocking perfectly. Without further ado, I drove the drill back to Home Hardware, and was delighted when the nice Muslim receptionist forgave me the extra hour, so that I only paid $21.63. for drill rental. 'Installs in just minutes...' had again proved itself nonsence except for someone doing this job regulary, but I was pleased by the final result. I know that this device is designed to stop forced access from outside, and it will, but our usage of it depends on Steve not being able to figure out how to unlock it. Our strategy depends on not ever discussing the device in his hearing, so that in the heat of the moment he would have no clue why the door wouldn't open for him.

Thu Aug 3    Med

I awoke feeling extra tired, which would normally have been depressing but this morning was appropriate since I was booked for a video call with (my) haematologist Zachary Liederman, and what I wanted to discuss with him was why I can become so very tired after making minimal physical effort. I found it quite hard work just getting Steve's breakfast, which this morning started with fresh cantaloup. Steve had soaked his bed through to the plastic mattress, so while PSW Elizabeth washed him, I stripped the bed and squirted the mattress with 'Scrub Free.' I had her deliver him to the living room, but when he got tired of that he returned to his room and lay on the mattress which by then was dry. My chat with Dr Liederman was good and helpful. My iron defficiency was only marginally worse than the average patient in my condition, and fairly stable. There's a possibility I have anaemia of Chronic Disease. I found this on line: values for serum iron and transferrin are typically low, while the serum ferritin value can be normal or elevated. Dr Liederman suggested a couple of options: a bone marrow biopsy, and an iron infusion. I preferred the latter because it promised as much as two months relief from extreme fatigue, while the biopsy offered no such relief. So that's what we are going to do. If it has no effect, that would be the time to have a biopsy. I have been impressed by the way the specialists at UHN are prepared to take patients' opinions into account when deciding on treatments. A small part of me however thinks that they have run out of ideas and that's why they are more ready to listen to the patient's ideas. After the call I moved Steve back into the living room while I made his bed with a dry fitted sheet and a clean pad. Ten minutes later I told him he could return to the bedroom whenever he wished, and he did so almost immediately. Then came my favourite moment of every 2 days: opening a can of Monster, and drinking it all in one session sitting on the grey couch. It's like the Monster greedily sucks up the tiredness and sharpens up the brain to enable enything I need to do to be done more efficiently. The first thing I did with my extra energy was to call CTF and leave a message for the September conference ticketing staff to sort out the fact that when I registered online on 30 July I wasn't able to use my IMFAMILY code to get 50% off, so I used a legitimate (?) alternative of just paying half price, namely $85. Maybe they already approved my ruse. Continuing with my extra energy I got started with the chisel on the front door, hammering out an indentation the size of the part of the door blocker that will be screwed in between the door edge and the door post. I was very glad I had bought a new, sharp, chisel, and the work went well. Next step is to rent the drill. However, exact positioning of the device will be vital making use of the oblong hole, and for the online advertizing to say, 'Installs in just minutes using 3" hardened screws (included).' is sales BS. I will have to be right on top of my carpentry game to get it right. When I was making quite a noise chiseling, Steve came by, and I needed to give him a plausible explanation of what was going on without revealing we were going to be locking him in. So I said, "I'm making some minor improvements to your house," and that seemed to satisfy him. TKOG.

Wed Aug 2    Med

At 11 I had a video call with dietician Dr. Meredith Barwin. My pitch was that I had almost no appetite, and with some foods this was exacerbated by my taste buds. I might walk through Loblaws but have no wish to try or buy any of the foods on display. Formally liked foods included chocolate, Red Bull (but not Monster), shortbread and other cookies, orange juice. She quizzed me on my daily diet and supplements, and recommended I not take so much Vitamin C as Linus Pauling, but reduce it to 2 gms a day. I'm not prepared to do that but maybe strike a compromise. At the end of the session she admitted I was typical of other cancer patients at the same stage of the illness. So I didn't learn anything that might give me my appetite back, or help me appreciate some favourite foods again.

Tue Aug 1

After breakfast I drove to Home Depot and asked for the tool rental department. What I really needed was to understand the world of drilling and power screwdriving since the days when I had these tools of my own. The agent at the rental reception soon gave me some good advice; before forking out rental money, buy the low cost items I would need to do the job. First, an impact bit, which would allow me to use a drill as a screwdriver. This hadn't been invented in my day; I just jammed the head of the screw into the drill. He told me where I would find the right size in the store. He also said I should buy a 1/8" drill bit 3 inches long or more. I went off into the store, and with help found the first, but they only had drills about 2" long. I asked him where to go to find a longer drill and he recommended Princess Auto in Mississauga. Even showed me the location on his phone. One down, one to go. Without the help I could never have pinpointed the impact bit I needed. It was time to prepare lunch so I drove home. After lunch I first drove to the bank to deposit L-A's birthday money from her dad, had a strawberry ice cream at Java Joe's, and then returned into the sun trying to read the GPS. At one point the sun won and I took a wrong turning and I went right into the centre of Pearson Airport. At least after that the sun was behind me and I found Princess Auto after about 25 minutes. The place is huge. I asked a cashier where the drills department was, and even found the same 2" drill stocked by Home Depot. I looked all over for help and finally found it just finishing off with another customer. He led me back to where I had been and said they didn't have a longer drill bit, and they probably weren't made, because at 1/8" diameter they would be too lilely to break. Of course - now I understood - though my understanding had come at the cost of a long and unnecessary journey. By the time I got home I had decided to put off any chiselling till tomorrow or later depending on circumstances. But I wouldn't be returning to Home Depot tool rental until all my ducks were in order. It occured to me that in my youth I would have gone to one all-purpose store for everything, and it would have been quite small. But today the trend was for massive stores to serve all commercial and domestic needs, and one thing that had suffered was customer help in the store. The experienced man who had helped me in Princess Auto was the only customer service man on duty, and probably run ragged.

Mon Jul 31

Steve was asleep on the white couch when I rose at 7:30. He could so easily have opened the front door and walked out the house with his walker, as he had on 27 July, but I was fast asleep throughout. We had dodged a major bullet, or as we prefer to say, TKOG. For weeks now I had made very slow progress intalling a lock on the front door which (hopefully) he wouldn't be able to open. I was now deternined to take action. Steve was soaking and I didn't want the smell punctuating the house, so when he woke I led him to the bathroom, had him stand at the toilet bowl, drop his trousers, take off his diaper, and attempt to pee. This became quite a routine as he and I got better at it. In the afternoon I went to PMH for my first CT scan since 24 February, somewhat apprehensive that this would set the seal on how successful my course of 6 chemo infusions had been. They made me drink water for half an hour before the scan, which took 12 minutes. I searched on line for hand held power tools, and somewhere along the way I had a revelation: rental. Why was I even considering buying power tools when I could rent for a day and get the job done? L-A had ordered me a 4-pack of Red Bull, but when I tried one I found the taste very unpleasant. I have had it before and liked it so this is new. It still had the same benefits as an energy drink. I still like (very much) the taste of Monster.

Sun Jul 30    Med

I had intended going to church, but when the time came I felt too ill so we watched online. I was pleasantly surprized when Murray mentioned in his sermon that they had property in Raleigh but it was not so they could return there, but to earn them US income. Why was I 'pleasantly interested?' See the entry in this journal for last Sunday 23 July. I have noticed a degradation in Steve's mental and physical conditions in the last month. He will talk gibberish for an hour or more. If questioned he will refer to imaginary characters in his dreams some of whom he knew 30 years ago when working for Via Rail. The recent peak of bizarre behavior was 27 July (see below). He has also had more falls, some resulting in blood flowing when he has landed on an arm. I have learned how to return him to his bed from lying on the floor without lifting him (which I can't do). Recently he suffered a bout of diarrhea, and in his efforts to deal with it, just made matters worse. This is just one indication of losing control over his body. He can lose the strength in his legs particularly after a fall, or after falling asleep at the meal table. L-A and Steve were both fast asleep in their rooms when I started warming up the dinner. It should have been easy: M&M meatloaf, steamed veg (cauliflower, carrot) and fake mashed potato. Too often I have to wake L-A and ask for guidance on the dinner, and tonight I was determined not to do that. So at dinner time I woke them up and called them in. As I served up, I sensed something was missing from the meal. Laurie-Ann quickly supplied the answer, "Where's the mashed potato?" I didn't like the sound of my first option, eat the dinner without potato, though had I been dining alone it would have been the obvious choice for a man with little appetite. I looked at the cooking instructions and saw there was a microwave option which would only take 2 minutes. So I sweet-talked my guests and got on with it. I thought the result was very palatable, and M&M got more negatives for being too sweet, than my ultra hurridly cooked potato.

Sat Jul 29

I went shopping in the afternoon, primarily for a hand-held electric drill, but Home Depot had nothing in my capability/price range. Next, I went to Home Hardware where the closest was a corded drill for $50. But they did have a chisel for $10 which I bought. These tools are necessary for the front door security locks. After also visiting Loblaws I got home around 6, where L-A informed me Tara was on her way! Our kitchen floor was filthy so I got busy using the swiffer several times. Steve smelt pretty bad so I changed his trousers and diapers. and then brought him into the living room. Tara and Kennedy arrived just as the house (and Steve) looked presentable. TKOG. The three of them sat together on the grey couch writing a birthday card for Laurie-Ann, which came with a bottle of Villa Sandi Prosecco, a sparkling Brut, and a Folonari Prosecco extra dry sparkling white wine which if I play my cards right I will get to drink. (L-A doesn't like dry whites.)

Fri Jul 28    Med

I was generally feeling ill this morning, but by the afternoon it had passed and I was feeing more human. Steve also was acting more human as the day continued. I don't let grudges because of his behaviour survive the day, and neither does he. I spent several hours on our taxes with the help of a reply from uFile help but the help was insufficiently helpful to get me over the current hurdles.

Thu Jul 27    Med

Steve and I enjoyed real porridge before his PSW might turn up. It really is a faithful food, never tasting different, and always delivering energy for the day. I sent him back to bed after the porridge so I could give MLD to L-A. When L-A got up I gave him his toast and coffee, and then changed his trousers and diaper. The PSW was new and I have forgotten her name. As I took her into Steve's room, he was sitting on the bed trying to deal with a pile of shit he had recently delivered onto the floor in front of the bed. As he told me the story later, he was standing in front of the bed and the eruption came from hs backside beyond his control. As we surveyed the situation the smell was awful. The PSW took control of him and got him into the bathroom before he could touch anything. I used kitchen roll and 'Scrub Free' to wipe up a succession of shit from the floor, and when the kitchen roll no longer showed brown, I cleaned the floor with the swiffer. I thought at the time that were Steve not my loved relative and friend, there is no amount of money you could pay me to compensate me for my caregiver service to just one person daily. Steve told me that this PSW was excellent, and I was able to tell her, but it must have been something of a baptism of fire for her.
We visited Sue Neudebauer at CTF, a very long term friend of Laurie-Ann's, so they had plenty to talk about as we drank Attwell's coffee. Sue does the bookkeeping and payroll processing for CTF. UHN called to ask me to have a blood test before my CT scan on Monday, and to inform the triage nurse in the lung clinic when it was done. UHN also called to give me the phone number of their dietitian Susan Haynes so we can discuss my loss of appetite and problems with taste. We were late joining tonight's connect group, and I was only a temporary face besides L-A's as I attended to Steve. He had one of his fixations around 8 pm that he was to be visited by people from his past - mainly railway workers - so he dressed in special clothes and shoes. For a while he hovered around the front door, and then when I was back with the connect group he was out of the door and down the steps with his walker. Next time I looked he was walking through the bush next to the porch, and for a while was entangled in it. He couldn't stand so semi-crawled. He was still convinced he should be walking to the railway HQ. Next time I looked out he had walked back to his walker and he and it were out of sight. I started walking around local streets and spotted him on Harrop turning left onto Woodbank. I was able to persuade him to walk(er) home, and then to re-enter the house, not without threats on both sides. It was soon near my bed time and I was very tired, but Steve wasn't ready for bed by any means, nor was he concerned with interrupting L-A's late night Kindle reading. As I fell asleep I heard part of the activity between them. He hadn't had sleep for a long while. She finally persuaded him to return to his bed around midnight. The washing machines weren't sleeping either, ridding his bed pads and sheet with the remnants of his toiletting.

Wed Jul 26    Med

We were woken by PSW Lesline ringing the doorbell at 7:30. She had left a message on the landline. Today is the day I absolutely must get through to CBI and have them change our number from the land line. I enjoyed sleeping on till 8 while Steve had his wash. Dr Bradbury's assistant Evelina called back and was able to give me two numbers for Dr Liederman's group. She also gave me a number for Dr Bradbury's group dietition to discuss my poor appetite. She also told me that my chemo course was now over, a fact I had failed to take in at my last session with Dr Lucy Coalte on 28 June. I watched very satisfied as the driver of the recycling truck got out to pick up the cardboard boxes. I am definitely less fatigued today than on the previous two days, and this may be due to Bis-Glycinate. I spoke to the office at CBI and asked them to change the number they are using for us from 416-622-5819 to 647-203-8595. I also asked them if we might see Slava from time to time, and the clerk said she was working fewer hours with regular clients only. I asked if a note could be added to her file saying we would love to see her if the situation changes. When I served a small slice of yesterday's shawarma wrap to L-A she was unable to eat it due to the side effects of her zoledronic acid infusion. I ate mine, but didn't like it. Steve ate his. Dr Liederman's office called back. He had booked me in for a follow-up meeting on 11 Oct at 11:30, but after hearing my story the assistant said they would look into bringing it closer, and possibly by video. I had a difficult call with National Bank Mastercard where the French speaking agent wasn't able to explain in English whether I need to pay the full amount outstanding to avoid interest (which I did), but raised the possibility that the interest payments on my international transfers may be giving rise to daily interest payments like cash withdrawals. Laurie-Ann was suffering badly from zoledronic acid infusion side effects. These included changes to her taste buds, making her unable to eat yesterday's shawarma. Instead she went to bed late afternoon. Steve and I had shawarma for dinner, and he ate it all. I ate a small portion without pleasure. After dinner I changed Steve's trousers and diaper so he might have a more dry night; this is becoming something of a routine.

Tue Jul 25    Med

This was fatigue day max-so-far for me, and I worried that it was going to get worse. I spent much of the time on the couch dozing. My wellness factor was around 1. The day started with L-A getting up early for her appointment at Sunnybrook for a 6 monthly zoledronic acid infusion. I got her breakfast about 7:15 am and her Uber arrived about 8; a large one with space for her walker. She had decided this was the best way to get her there in view of Steve's fragile situation. Steve fell while attempting to get out of bed, and bruised and cut his arm. I dressed the cut, and managed to get him back on the bed. I got Steve up for breakfast, which he was just finishing when a new PSW, Ockay (?) arrived. I went for my monthy B12 injection at 11 am. Steve and I spent the rest of the morning dozing on the couches. L-A got back at 12:40 also in an Uber. An hour later I served her borscht, but couldn't get Steve out of the couch, or think of a way to serve him. He would have to wait till energy returned to his legs. That turned out to be about 4 pm, when L-A had returned to bed, and I served him his soup on his hospital table. My afternoon was less fatigued than my morning. I tried to find my haematologist Dr Liederman's number, without success. So instead I left a message for Dr Bradbury's assistant, Evelina Thomas, that my fatigue was serious, and asking if I should seek another appointment with him, and should I call him direct, in which case I need his number. I put out on the kerb some large packing boxes that had come filled with L-As cullinary purchases from 10 days ago, hoping they would be picked up by the recycling truck. I went to Shawarma Club and selected a family pack. I found it distasteful but asumed it was my taste buds. L-A and Steve seemed to like it. A combination of Prime Video and extra clearing up resulted in my finally getting into bed at 11:00, an hour late.

Mon Jul 24    Med

The fatigue I have suffered in the past few days made me decide to switch from Feramax to Bis-Glycinate at 6:30 this morning. I had a date with uFile (see 22 July below) before 9 am, and dreamed about a distorted version of it during the night. So I made sure I was up in good time, and about 8:30 I responded to help@ufile.ca. I wasn't very hopeful, but it worked! At this time of day it got through, reinforcing my theory that the problem was lack of capacity on the uFile servers, probably the result of many more customers than in the past. For me it was really good news, and possibly the first step on being able to Netfile our tax return. Steve brought himself into the kitchen for breakfast just as I was serving myself beans on toast with a poached egg, and wasn't intending to serve such a basic breakfast to him. He was in a good state as I served his breakfast. L-A called for MLD right at this moment, and I had to ask her to wait till I had the kitchen organized. L-A cooked beet borscht for our lunch, starting after breakfast. It's full of very nutritious ingredients, though not one of my favourites, which is surprising since I like beetroot (pickled beets). As lunch approached, L-A suggested I give him his physio exercises, which I did, and he did them better than ever before; it's really making a difference. Afterwards he settled on the couch. I settled on the other couch to drink a Monster. Till then I had been experiencing a day of almost painful fatigue. Bis-Glycinate hadn't made any difference yet. Monster gave me a wellness boost to about 4 and I drove to Renforth IDA, where, thank goodness, Tylenol No 2s were waiting for me. I was completely out. The borscht was almost ready, when Steve suddenly rolled sideways as if having some sort of seizure. He was still able to respond to our voices, but his body was not in his control. Fortunately he was already sitting in a safe place, where he remained for some time. He kept on rolling to his left, even when I moved him significantly to where his weight should pull to his right. L-A and I had our borscht. The afternoon brought me relief, as Monster did its stuff, and I was able to do useful computer work. The evening saw Steve emptying his bowels and leaving reminders of them on the bathroom floor, but they were light enough for me to clean up with the swiffer.

Sun Jul 23

L-A got dressed in her flowing green dress made for her in Worcester, which suggested she was deturmined to come to church this morning. We went to the same spot that we had last week, and were soon saying "Hi" to Catherine. Rachel was the main female soloist for worship, and it was a lively session indeed. For the first time I sat throughout the worship, just being low on energy. Lilian was one of the speakers before the sermon. Ash spoke on making sure the strength of your relationships exceed the strength of your specific personal issues, with amusing illustrations from her relationship with Murray. After the sermon, Catherine, and then Bonnie joined us. Then Bob. Then Murray. He had been given a box of Highland Collection Shortbread Assortment, baked in Scotland, and he was giving it away. I accepted his offer, since I am always on the lookout for foods my taste buds will accept. Finally Ash joined us, and she got to see L-A's giving key - Perseverance. This was a prophetic word from Sandra Long, confirmed by Ash. I commented to her that she had mentioned in her sermon that they owned property in Raleigh, and I wondered if this meant they were only here in Toronto for a season. Such a conclusion hadn't occured to either her or Murray. They own two houses there as rental properties. After lunch I wasn't good for much, so spent time on my bed. After dinner we continued watching The Man in the High Castle - very scary.

Sat Jul 22

[Grossness Alert!] Steve was lying against the bed slat way off the pad when I woke him about 7:15 for his morning pill. A night of urine had seeped through. I needed to remove his wet trousers and diaper, and foolishly sat beside him on the bed while I did it. The bed was wetter than I thought. I took off the trousers and diaper, but it was only when I stood up that I realised my trousers were now soaked in Steve's urine. There wasn't much to do about it immediately because I had a half naked man standing beside me. I asked him to go to the bathroom and use the toilet. As he pushed the walker to his door, he was peeing on the floor out of control. But somehow he did have control before he left the bedroom and entered the bathroom, and as he stood in front of the toilet there came the sweet sound of a full stream landing in the bowl. This I hadn't heard before! I think it is because he wasn't wearing a diaper, and normally he tries to pee round the edge of the diaper, which reduces the flow. When he had finished I had him sit on the toilet while I pulled off his wet shirt, and pulled on his final (washed) short sleeved shirt - the yellow one - on over his head. Then I had him move to the living room couch where first I placed the pad from last night, which was dry! I put my wet trousers in the laundry and replaced them with blue shorts. I stripped his bed and washed the wet part of the plastic matress cover with Scrub Free and left it to dry. I prepared his Cheerios and called him in for breakfast. When he was done, I returned him to the couch and put the second of our two fitted sheets on the bed. Sim (PSW) arrived, but there was a problem. Steve had 'dropped off.' However, he wasn't in deep yet, and Sim was able to rouse him, and take him for his shower. We listened to Canadian Spaces, followed by Windows of Opportunity from 2013, very pleasant and a contrast from how the day had started. For lunch I ate the final leftovers from Steve's veal paprikash, and to be frank I was disappointed, both by the sauce and the meat. After lunch I tackled the response from uFile to my query about problems. Here is what I had asked them:
'My tax calculations check out, but I am not clear to Netfile.
The deduction for net capital losses of other years that you are claiming on line 25300 of your return is too high compared to your amount of federal tax owed.
But when I 'Click here to fix,' I get a revolving circle on my screen that continues forever.
Do you have any suggestions?'
The response from help@ufile.ca had nothing specifically to do with my question, but explained how I could reply to them with permission to examine my tax file. It seems the standard instructions for replies to the helpdesk don't work, due to (I'm guessing) overloaded servers. But now we have a new problem: their instructions to me didn't work either. I have tried many times; the only thing I haven't been able to try yet is responding to them before 9 am on a business day morning, or after 7 pm.

Fri Jul 21

At 6:30 am I found Steve lying near the front door. I gave him his Tylenols and returned to him an hour later, when he was ready to crawl and then get up on one leg. He had left his room without a walking stick or the walker, a common cause of falling, and I took the opportunity to reinforce again that basic rule, which we have told him many times. I sent Amanda $90.39 by eTransfer, half the online cost of a Filter Queen Defender main air filter. She received the money. I served Steve the rest of his veal paprikash for his lunch. We had noodles. In the afternoon I also gave him a slice of watermelon. Allison texted me to say she was on holiday and would be returning 7 August. I had originally texted her when we thought she was sick, but received no reply. I spent time on the door blocker, realizing (at last) that it is meant to be screwed into the edge of the door (requiring chiselling in our case) and not into the front of the door. This device is primarily designed to prevent access by burglars should the regular lock fail. An issue is exiting the house after setting the door blocker, which I would do via the door into the back yard. Another issue is would Steve be able to figure out how to unlock it. In this, my great difficulties figuring out how to unlock it would turn out to be an advantage, since he would experience no less frustration trying to unlock it when in place on the door. We have to decide therefore whether to search for a simpler device designed just to keep kids in a house, or to install this device. I went to No Frills for kitchen roll and bathroom tissue, and was able to pay for them with the Optimum card, except for the tax which apparently can't be paid with a rewards card. Then I went to Shoppers and bought Tylenol Extra Strength. I found two different versions, with about $3 difference in price for 500 pills. I asked a pharmacist what was the difference, and she pointed out the cheaper one was caplets, and the more expensive was tablets. The tablets were smaller with a sweet coating. I decided to buy expensive - and paid with the Optimum card. I signed up for RCI's automatic 1-year subscription renewal. For 2024 it was $143. One less job for L-A after I'm gone. When I brought Steve into the kitchen for dinner, I told him a knife would be essential to cut his schnitzell (which was half the Hunter Schnitzel I brought home from Rhapsody Cuisine). But when he sat down in front of it, he was the same old Steve, struggling to slice though the meat with the side of his fork. I reminded him about using the knife. But still he tried to use his fork. This got me angry (a very rare emotion for me to use with Steve), and I removed his dinner from his place setting and in a assertive voice told him he would get it back when he promised to use his knife. I think it was the angry voice that was the last straw for him, and he got up and went back to his room. It was only then that Laurie-Ann told me that for years he had preferred to cut with the edge of a fork. I had thought it was just a symptom of his dementia. Ten minutes later I went to him and said he could eat his food any way he liked, and would he please come back into the kitchen? He did, and I plan to keep my word and never tell him again how to eat his food. He does use a knife occasionally, so I don't think he'll starve.

Thu Jul 20    Med

I had serious constipation in the morning. I'd already taken Senokot 2 days ago and Clearlax for the last 2 days without effect, so today for the first time I took the more powerful Lactulose. It was a liquid, sweetened, I thought, with glycerine. I spent the next 2 hours in some quite severe pain in my rectum as I strained periodically to let out the definitely not-soft-yet stool. Eventually I did what I should have done much sooner: asked the Lord for help, and within a couple of minutes the breakthrough began. That pain was soon gone, to be replaced by a pain in my stomach, possibly a hunger pain. I had some gumbo soup for lunch and that pain reduced. I was pretty sure now that my condition wasn't going to prevent our visit this evening to the Rhapsody Continental Cuisine Hungarian restaurant. We were concerned about leaving Steve with the possibility of his getting out of the front door. I had not yet been able to install the door blocker yet, although I had found a YouTube telling me how to do it, but I had problems with following the YouTube, suggesting our device was not what we had seen on Amazon. So I gave Steve a pep talk about not thinking about leaving the house, brought him a buttered scone and a banana, and promised him a fine Hungarian meal from the restaurant when we returned. We were soon on our way to Rhapsody Cuisine, 10152 Yonge St., Richmond Hill (905-884-0305) via the 401, 400, & Major Mackenzie Drive, taking us past Canada's Wonderland and a huge and scary roller coaster in operation. There seemed to be a special rush hour going in the same direction, but for once we had left in good time. Laurie-Ann had also prayed for a parking spot. As we drove past the restaurant on the east side of the road, I saw no spots, but we had to do a U-Turn for her to get out, and as we arrived in front of the restaurant, there was now a spot waiting for us! TKOG. L-A was able to walk to the restaurant door with her cane. Inside, it was cosy and ... Hungarian, and we opted for a table near a keyboard player playing gypsy music. Soon our waitress, Alice, arrived, and took our drinks order (mine was a Sleemans Honey Brown). Shortly after we were ordering our main courses: Weiner Schnitzel for L-A, a Hunter Schnitzel for me, and a veal paprikash for Steve. When they arrived we saw ours were massive, which at first disappointed me in a fine restaurant, but I then realized they'd fill us for tomorrow as well. We tucked in and it was excellent, and the musician, Paul Mathew serenaded us and the guests at large with several disparate genres calling for different hats. The piano accordion was probably his best instrument. We stopped eating when we still had room for dobos and palacsinta respectively. Alice didn't need to be asked to bring plastic containers to take the majority of the food with us. The bill including tip came to $167. When we got home, Steve was waiting for us on the Deacon's bench, and I was soon able to serve him most of his veal paprikash, which he thoroughly enjoyed. The whole event had turned out very successfully; a fitting final episode in culinary sequence celebrating Laurie-Ann's 62nd birthday.

Wed Jul 19

My wellness factor was about 2 for much of the day, so each minute was something of a struggle. Breakfast was interesting: fresh rhubarb, followed by water melon. Steve expressed delight at the water melon, which meant plan A (to give it to a neighbour because it didn't suit my taste buds) was no longer appropriate. Late afternoon while listening to Spotify I thought I heard an ad saying PC Optimum Points become invalid after a certain time. For months now, ever since getting the PC Financial MasterCard with a bonus 100,000 Optimum points, I have known there was something amiss. The app on my laptop indicated there were 100,000+ Optimum points availanle to me, but in the stores (eg Shoppers, Loblaws), the points on my Optimum card were around 4,000. Clearly these needed to be reconciled. I was nervous about trying to do this on line myself, in case I managed to delete the larger amount. On line I was unable to find help other than the virtual chatbox, or the 'live' agent, but I had always sensed I would need help from a live person somewhere in the depths of President's Choice. Today I was determined and called the number on my Presidents Choice Mastercard: 1-866-727-6468. This led me to a series of convoluted transfers, but eventually I reached a live person, Noro, who sounded willing to help me get to the bottom of it. It was a slow process, because her primary responsbility was making sure I was who I said I was, but eventually she became convinced of this. The first thing I asked her was whether there was an expiry date on the points. No, they don't expire. Then it was just a case of linking the Mastercard onto my existing Optimum Card. With her guidance, I followed the steps on line, firstly finding a list of all my MasterCard purchases, and then seeing the magic figure of more than 108,000 points. There are myriad ways in which these points can be spent, and she wanted to be sure I was aware of all the new offers that come out every Thursday, but all I needed to know was could I use the points on the Optimum Card for paying for purchares in Shoppers or Loblaws. I will report back when I have finally succeeded in this. I must say the whole process of manipulating the President's Choice software seems to me to be way over complex and frustrating, made worse by President's Choice having no conventional bank buildings with people you can talk to, but instead everything being run from the Scarborough HQ, where finding the right person to talk to is a personal triumph.

Tue Jul 18

Steve had slept through the night, but by morning he was ready for the bathroom. When I removed his diaper I saw it was pretty dirty, meaning that his daily wash was important. I got him onto a damp bed but OK for the wait for his PSW. Her name turned out to be Elizabeth, but not the same one as yesterday's. I briefed her fully and she made him clean and dry again. Soon the three of us were breakfasting on eggs from yesterday. I was very careful that he didn't drop off before I got him back to the bedroom. Perhaps foolishly I didn't lock him in bed with the bed slats. An hour later, he had taken himself into the bathroom, and when I knocked on the door he said he had diarrhea again. Unfortunately he had locked the bathroom door. M-A had replied to me that a $US interest free loan would be fine, so I sent her the money via Paypal. When I revisited the bathroom, the door was unlocked (thank the Lord), and there were no signs of faeces having reached the wrong destination, or even the right one. I washed and dried his backside and front side, and then had him move to his room with the walker. In the middle of my helping put on a clean diaper, which requires him to lift his feet alternately off the foor while standing holding on to the walker, he lost his balance and landed on my shoulder. His (hopefully clean) underside brushed my hair and left side of my face, which was scary, but I was able to move his weight to the edge of the bed while I finished the diaper. Lunch was the last of the excellent cauliflower soup, after which I went to bed. I got up at 4 feeling an increased wellness factor from ~3 to ~5, allowing me to have more cake, put the garbage on the road side and finish storing the Metro and Voila deliveries that had arrived this morning. Dinner was the penultimate meal of L-A's extended birthday season, originally planned for yesterday: chicken paprikash, one of L-A's best dishes. M-A had what is getting to be a regular evening call with L-A, during which I was asked my advice about some books M-A (thought she) had ordered from Amazon and seemed to have evaporated. I told her I had sent her $US 2,000 by Paypal. When I was turning in, Steve asked for help and I had him move into the bathroom, and remove his sodden shorts and diaper. As he stood in front of the toilet, some residue from his recent diarrhea dropped onto the floor. I put paper towel (thank you God for paper towel) on the brown stuff while he tried and failed to pee. Then I got him sitting on the toilet and wiping his backside, a skill for which his myelin is less effective than it was, but has a significant role on how long we can look after him for. For example, when he has wiped, he sometimes wants to dispose of the dirty paper anywhere but in the toilet bowl. I had him return to the bedroom where I fitted another diaper before returning him to bed. Then I cleaned up the bathroom floor.

Mon Jul 17

Steve called me from his room twice more in the dark hours, but I didn't mind because he had a good pee in the toilet each time rather than soaking his clothes. I changed his diaper about 8 am so that the PSW (Elizabeth) wouldn't be faced with too much of a challenge. He and I had a large mixed grill. I noticed he was looking somewhat docile as he finished his food. James called at this moment just as Steve slumped in his chair and drooled over the place mat. I told James we were having a medical emergency, and we put off the call. It was about 9:30 and Steve was too far gone to get him to use his walker. I brought our Air Canada luggage strap, and strapped him into his chair with it to reduce the chance of his falling onto the floor. Usually he recovers from episodes like this in about half an hour, but this one was more serious. Laurie-Ann had hoped for French toast during her birthday season, so with the help of a recipe via her iPhone, I got to work. It was a question of whisking up a few ingredients, dunking 4 slices of bread in the mixture, and then frying them in the new Uno Casa saucepan she had ordered because we thought Tara had taken back the white frying pan (and the plastic microwave cover). L-A loved the French toast. Come 2 pm, Steve was still in the chair, and I was still there beside him making it impossible for him (and the chair) to fall. Steve occasionally mumbled incoherently, but mostly swayed to and fro within the limits set by the strap. When I asked him if his legs were strong enough to stand, he said, "No," but by 2:30 I had had enough, and got him into position to stand with his walker. I then prayed (out loud) that the Lord would strengthen his legs. As he stood, I assisted him under his left arm, and bingo, he was standing with no great effort. I made an appropriate comment about the power of prayer. Soon he was back in his bedroom, but if I thought I'd be able to relax, I was sadly mistaken. He said he needed to go to the bathroom, so I passed him the walker. Half an hour later he was still in the bathroom, so I knocked on the door, and inside saw the caregiver's nightmare: faeces on the floor, on the bath, and yes, to be fair, in the toilet. Steve had diarrhea, and was attempting to clear up the mess while not stepping into the mess he had created (photos in the Mediclinic album) He was sitting on the disabled chair in the bath, and I was not ready to take on my responsibilities. I shut the door after telling him I was going out to collect Laurie-Ann's free birthday latte from Starbucks, so he shouldn't call me for help in the next 20 minutes. Not that the idea of asking my help had occured to him. L-A had ordered on the Starbucks App so all I had to do was pick it up. When I got home we had a little coffee party, and I gave her her Cuthbert cross in a lovely presentation box, with the extended gold chain that Gillian and her workers had made. L-A was delighted and the additional chain they had added was exactly the right length. Buoyed with something good for a change, I returned to the bathroom where things were even worse. I started with cleaning him up, washing faeces off his balls, backside, his feet, legs, forehead. This enabled me to return him to his bed and raise the slat so I could work in peace on the rest of the problem. I think by now he was embarrassed by what had happened, and the fact that he had made a bad situation worse. When I got to the toilet bowl I saw that he had had a second bout of diarrhea. I used a series of flannel sized cloths, hot water and 'Scrub-Free' bathroom cleanser, ignoring the scrub free logo. We were both exhausted by 7, and decided on home made soup and egg sandwiches for dinner, and I served Steve in his room. Amanda called to wish L-A happy birthday, and they had a great chat. After dinner L-A iced the cake that she had put so much planning into. I hope Steve won't call me too often during the night ahead.

Sun Jul 16    Med

Steve called out to me about 1 am, and we could hear banging as he attempted to let down the bed slats. So I went to his room, and he didn't seem in too bad a state. When I asked if he would like tea and raisin bread, he jumped at it. Ten minutes later we were in his room both enjoying tea, and toasted raisin bread with red current jelly. By the time he'd finished the tea he was ready to settle down and get back to sleep. My wellness was above 4 when I woke in the morning, making this a chance for taking L-A to CTF if she was well enough. The other prerequisite was for the PSW to come early enough. I discovered Steve was very wet, but as soon as I was washed I invited him for breakfast, the non-cooked version. H was in a good mood so I invited him to come to church, and he said 'Yes!" As he finished, Shavon arrived and soon had him clean and dry. The bed was still drying from my efforts to disinfect the plastic mattress, so he came into the living room. Half an hour before we should leave for church, I said to him that he should have a pair of long trousers for church, but by now he had changed his mind and said he didn't want to come after all. So he spent the time we were away locked into his bed. I found seats for us near the front in church, and also near Catherine and Bob. The worship was inspiring, and Mel Rogato held the congregation in her grip as she spoke on Gratitude, as a part of the current theme of living joyfully. At the end she was standing fairly close to us, and I had the chance to thank her for the talk, and give her one of L-A's memory sticks with colouring sheets and talks from 'Ways to Grow in God.' Apparently she has four children. Back home I had received an email from M-A saying the Tucson trip would exhaust her ready cashflow and could we help with a gift. I said, "No," but could send her another interest free loan of $US 2 with payment within a year. I discovered a strange situation: Steve was still in his bed, but had heavily wet his shorts. I decided to change his shorts and diaper, and found that the diaper was almost dry inside the wet shorts. Now how could that happen, unless he was taking out his penis to pee instead of peeing in the diaper? The explanation is feasible, since he has no control over peeing in the diaper, but some control over peeing into the toilet, or into the teapot. L-A took a nap in the bedroom and I took the opportunity to restring her Cuthbert cross on the extended gold chain from Pash Jewellery Design which I will give her tomorrow. I also examined the security lock, and wasn't able to figure out how to lock it and unlock it, which is kind of first base stuff, so I send an email to the manufacturer. I had felt stronger all day than yesterday, so perhaps I did forget the Feramax yesterday morning. Shortly before midnight Steve called me from his room, where he had half unlocked the side bed slat. I asked if he wanted to pee in the washroom, and got him out of bed. He went into the washroom, but later he called me again, and I found him fallen into the bath at the far end. I wasn't sure how I was going to rescue him, but a good start was to have him grab the disabled bar on the far side of the bath. Then holding his right hand I was able to get him up on one leg, and he stepped out of the bath. A few minutes later he was back in bed, and so was I.

Sat Jul 15    Med

The most arduous part of my day was the nearly 2 hours of clearing and washing up ending at 9:40 when I collapsed into my bed. The collapsing into bed part was actually quite nice because I had earlier laundered our bedsheets and pillow cases. For much of the day I was fatigued, and even wondered if I had forgotten to take my Feramax iron supplement in the morning. L-A roasted a chicken for our evening meal, another foretaste of her birthday celebrations. She also pepared coconut cauliflower soup (Thai version) which we much enjoyed at lunch time. WeTransfer informed me that some of the Alpha films had not been downloaded (by Fred in Nairobi) yet, so I reminded him. He does have 02, 04, 06, 08. He had received 01, but was forced to reformat his laptop, losing everything including the 01. I will be sending him more. These films enabled us to run Alpha in the nearby high security prison in Worcester, and they have 'streeters' filmed in Africa. The security lock arrived from Amazon.

Fri Jul 14    Med

There was a knock on our bedroom door at about 7 am, and it was Steve with a 'cup of coffee' for me. I knew he had no idea how to make coffee or any other food or drink, so I asked him to leave it in the bathroom for me to drink later. It turned out to be warm water with some milk added, but it showed he had a heart for something other than his own needs. When I went into the kitchen I found Thai noodles on the floor, and the remains of the flavour packet and oil which he had eaten, in the garbage. He was curled up on the white couch in soaking trousers fast asleep. That was where he was when Slava arrived about 8:30, and took him to the bathroom. I prepared breakfast for the two of us, every minute feeling more dizzy and less well. I posted the CT scan and other apppointments that came through yesterday to my calendar. I called CBI; didn't get Ruth, but appealed to the woman who answered to let us have Slava back on Wednesdays. Late morning I drove to 151 Marion Street to pick up Laurie-Ann's birthday present, and on the way home collected the Kindle at the postal outlet. She didn't want to open the package till Monday, her birthday. I struggled to prepare lunch - L-A's home made leek and potato soup, and I really enjoyed it. But I dozed at the table, feeling and looking so weak that L-A suggested I sleep in bed till 5. This sounded great to me and I slept like a log, being woken by my alarm for my 5 pm meds. Sleeping is the best answer to 'chemo fatigue;' one of the questions on the UHN online checklist before an appointment is 'Are you sleeping more than half the day?' So far my answer has been 'No,' but there may come a time ... I called Allison's home number and wished her a speedy recovery from whatever was keeping her off work for the last two days. I prepared dinner with the remains of the Cape Town stew, but there wasn't enough for the three of us, so I ate the Thai noodles that Steve had attacked this morning, which was fine for my reduced appetite. Also I knew we would be having M&M Key Lime pies for dessert, an early part of L-A's birthday celebrations. Constipation had been building for 4 days, and on three of them I had taken Senocot. Mid evening I felt it was worth a try, and I succeeded, big time. Maybe it was the Key Lime pie that did the trick. But I was disappointed that Senokot took so long.

Thu Jul 13    Med

There was a powerful smell emmanating from Steve's room when I got up, so not knowing what time an unknown PSW might turn up, once I was dressed I changed his daiper and soaking shirt. I squirted the room with air freshioner. Whoever was coming would not be greeted with the small and soaking clothes of half an hour before. The PSW who came turned out to be Slava. After she had washed Steve, she told me she hadn't been on the roster for 28 Alanmeade since the day he was carried off to hospital when we were on vacation in Collingwood. CBI had somehow got the idea that the hospitalization was Slava's fault. The results came through from yesterday's blood test. Out of 16 tests, 11 were flagged for being beyond the normal range. No wonder I feel lousy today with a wellness index around 3. Ferritin was flagged with a value 1154 ug/L, and a standard range 30 - 250 ug/L. I noticed that I have no chemo and related appointments next week, which would normally be my chemo week, so I left a message for Dr Bradbury's assistant querying this She reurned my call an hour later to say I am having a time off chemo to allow my body to recover while awaiting CT scan results. I mentioned I had seen yesterday's blood test results, and was concerned about so many being out of range, and she said the good news was that I don't have the antibody that kills red blood cells. I took Steve to Dr Silver's offices at 1:30, and all went well and quickly. On the way home we bought a small Hawaiian pizza at Pizza Nova which did the threee of us very well. Laurie-Ann prepared 'Cape Town Stew' for dinner, the poor man's version of waterblommetjiebredie and lamb dinner. After supper for the first time withot being asked, Steve took his teeth out and put them in a glass dish. At a time when he is meant to be regressing, he surprises us with behaviour that suggests recovery. A bunch of appointments came through including a CT Scan at 3 pm on 31 July, and a review with Dr Bradbury on 9 August. M-A called L-A about 7:20 without prior notice. We forgot tonight's connect group - both of us. I should have remembered, but L-A's concentration was already on her call fom Tennessee.

Wed Jul 12    Med

I was due at Dr Liederman's rooms in Toronto General at 10:15. He is a haematology specialist and I had been referred by Dr Bradbury. Unfortunately I didn't check my calendar till 9:30, so I left home immediately and arrived 15 minutes late. As it turned out, it wasn't a big problem. A female doctor checked my vitals, and keyed in quite a lot of information on my history, and then Dr Liederman appeared. I had thought that the main issue here was the low iron reading that had shown up in my blood tests for months, or possinly the high Ferritin reading on the one time it had been measured. No, these things were not the main focus of their investigations, but instead the possibility of an entity in my blood which destroys red blood cells. Dr Bradbury had mentioned this. So they sent me for a special blood test to find out more. They said I could go to the TGH blood collection Centre, or the one across the street in PMH which has taken all my blood samples up till now. I decided to check out the TGH facility - bad choice. I was standing in line half an hour just to get a piece of paper with my number on it. I then waited another 45 minutes. But eventally my blood was collected. I was hungry but didn't want normal size lunch, so I bought coffee and a Portuguese tart at Lettier's and ate them in the company of a lady sharing her salad lunch with the birds. Both my coffee and the tart were extra nice yet not overpriced. The lady had experienced the same long wait for her blood test. so I told her about the PMH facility which operates much more smoothly. I drove to Walmart to get washing machine detergent, and the reason this apparently mundane event makes it to the journal is to emphasise what a large role the house laundry needs play in my life. I finished the previous detergent this morning, and the idea of having a day when I couldn't meet Steve's daily needs for clean clothes, bed linnen, and clean bed pads would be a problem. I bought some Crush Orage minis in Loblaws on my way home in an effort to find a thirst quencher which didn't aggravate my weird taste beds, and this didn't. The landline rang about 8:30 pm, which is very unusual so I answered it. It was a PSW to say that Allison had called in sick, and they were looking for a replacement. I took the opportunity to give them my number instead of the landline.

Tue Jul 11    Med

Went to Dr Mandelcorn (the younger's) opthalmology department within Toronto Western Hospital. I had hardly been there 5 minutes when a nurse had me in front of one of their machines to measure all aspects of my eyes. While waiting for the next phase I had an interesting chat with a couple in my age bracket. He was on his 4th go-round for retinal re-attachment. I asked him whether after reattachment he was able to focus both eyes on the same target, and he said yes, he was. He told me that what I thought were skin cancers on my hands were actually bruises. Dr Mandelcorn came in and looked though his own special glasses into my eyes, and agreed with me that my left eye was continuing to progress. He was satisfied with how things had gone so far. When I said that I had days when my eyes seemed to be covered with a film, blurring my vision, he said he had noticed a couple of spots in my left eye that could be removed here on sight with laser surgery, I agreed immediately and he went ahead. I haven't noticed any resulting change in my vision. I was then free to go, and I have only realised later that I wasn't asked to talk to Maria about any further follow ups.
With her birthday in mind on 17th L-A ordered a Kindle. She has long been using the app on her iPad, but this will bring better viewing size and other advantages, and make the long hours she spends reading on her green chair more pleasurable.

Mon Jul 10

We awoke to a mystery. Steve wasn't in his bed, but the bed side slats were still in place. He was sitting in the living room. It was about 5 am. Either he had climbed over the raised bed slats, or he had lowered them, and then raised them again when he was out of the bed. While this seemed unlikely, there were no other possibilites. The episode meant that it was urgent to get a security lock for the front door. I drove L-A to chiropodist Hartley Silver. I had an ulterior motive. I had missed not just one, but two appointments for Steve within days of each other last week, and I really wanted to pay in full for one of them. But his assistant (wife?) was even more adamant and refused my money. Although my wellness factor was less than 4, in the afternoon I drove to 151 Marion Street, Pash jewellery Design, to meet the owner Gillian Batcher. No more details now because L-A reads this journal and has a birthday coming up. I will say that my wellness factor rose a little as a result of the meeting.

Sun Jul 9

There was a text from Luke on my phone when I got up, so we knew we would be going to his worship night in Aurora. My wellness index was about 3, so we decided against CTF church in person, but watched online. I guess I am finally getting the normal response to chemotherapy, which in my case is an overall mallaise and unwillingness to be proactive. Up till now I have felt perfectly normal during chemo cycles. Our journey to Aurora started badly, with multiple traffic slow-downs which only eased once we were on HWY 400. Garmin took us via road closures and detours to 126 Brookview Drive - except that 120 to 130 didn't exist and we had some texts with Luke. It was only then that we realised we should be looking for 126 Brookeview Drive. I reset Garmin, and we began a 25 minute journey in a south easterly direction, which delivered us to the right place about an hour and a quarter late. I helped L-A up several steps without a railing and we entered the house. I was immediately transported back to the prayer hut in Pemba; the same style of music and singing by the worship leader and the congregation. As we moved into the area where Luke was leading worship, with a keyboardist and a lead guitarist, two kind ladies saw that L-A was disabled and gave up their seats to us. For half an hour or so the worship continued and the majority of those gathered seemed familiar enough with it to sing along. Luke then gave a talk, introducing Joshua Muse and his wife Olivia. They could well have been guest speakers at Harvest School. Their theme was: 'Don't waste the kairos moments that come our way.' During the talk L-A found some egg sandwiches etc, which partially substituted for dinner. When Josh had finished, the proceedings returned to worship. We were sad that we hadn't had a chance to talk to Luke and Jessica, though I think we sat next to them during Josh's talk. I was concerned that we shouldn't leave Steve fo too long and suggested to L-A that we slip out. On the way we bought a copy of Josh's book: 'Called by the Fire.' Our drive home was uneventful and Steve was fine when we got there.

Sat Jul 8

I sent Beth a text saying how well she had organized the funeral, with the picture I had taken of her, and she replied almost immediately. After an early dinner we watched Darren Wilson's latest film, The God Man. It contains examples of God entering peoples' lives and changing them forever, in different locations around the world. But the focus is on his daughter's transformation from drug addict to believer. We (his audience) never knew he had a daughter, and to discover that while he was filming this remarkable series of films, her priority was getting high, showed once again that being a sincere believer and a missionary to so many may make no impression on a son or daughter. This may comfort many of us who find ourselves in similar situations, but it also points to our new civilization which follows different gods, like the god of self pleasure, and the god without consequences, and the god who has given us all the answers to life's big questions.

Fri Jul 7

For my midnight snack I ate the whole of the La Roca chocolate truffle I'd bought yesterday. The taste was fine, but slicing off part of it was almost impossible. I do prefer their chocolate fudge cake which Loblaws appears to have put on hold: more cake. less gouiness. Steve called me about 5:30 wanting dry clothes. It was also the time I had set my alarm to get on my way to Ottawa by 6:30. Laurie-Ann appeared about 6, so we all had breakfast together. I had somehow failed to charge my phone last night and travelling without communications would have been foolhardy, so I spent a while before leaving putting the phone on charge from the cigar lighter outlet. As I left for the 401 via Islington, I had about a spare hour to reach Bethel Pentecostal Church by 1. The traffic was light. I stopped for coffee and light snacks, but mainly to text L-A with my progress. As I approached Ottawa, I realized I didn't know exactly how to get to the church, and I couldn't remember the names of the nearby streets. Trying to guess the way used up all my spare time, and it was clear I would be late. I asked a passing couple, and he soon showed me a map on his phone, the magic street name being Meadowlands, which I was able to find on the GPS. Soon I was at Hogs Back, and ahead of me was Prince of Wales, and then I remembered everything, and entered the church about 1:30, having sadly missed the family eulogies. The first person to greet me after the service was Anthony d'Abramo, and then, inside the reception, Dina d'Abramo. Then I saw Beth chatting with John Counsell, so I joined in for a hug, and a brief chat. John is pastoring a 4-Square church in downtown Ottawa. There were only 3 or 4 others there whom I knew, but people were kind enough to introduce me. I chatted more with Beth. Shortly before I planned to get on my way I realized I had no pictures, so I did a brief round with the camera. Then I went out to the car and started on the return trip, for which I had a target address, so I got out of town far more effiently than I had entered it. Would I have sufficient stamina? I have never driven the double trip Ottawa:Toronto in one day before, and certainly not under chemotherapy. I wasn't hungry. and seemed alert. I was getting low on gas, and filled up in Kemptville, where I also bought some Monster. In Mallorytown I stopped to text, and a downpour discouraged me from getting back on the highway for half an hour. I thought I would attempt again to play the Jabra bluetooth through the car stereo. Suddenly the Jabra spoke to me, stating the FM frequency to be set on the car stereo. Very soon, I had the Blackberry playing its music on shuffle. The sound quality was excellent, and I relished the idea of great music for the rest of the trip home. This mixtape comprises the music I never tire of, and shuffle adds to the listening pleasure, never knowing what's coming next. The rain stopped as suddenly as it had started. I knew I must rest on the trip home, so every hour or so I found a place to stop, maybe have a pee, and try and sleep for half an hour. The challenge I then had was for the 2 hours when the low sun shone right into my eyes and those of all the others on the road. I used my right hand to shield my eyes, and drove from Trenton to Etobicoke without a rest break, probably helped by the Monster and L-A's and M-A's prayers. I got home around 9:15, and was really happy to be back with L-A. She had done very well catering to Steve's needs. She had ordered in Chinese food, and I had some; just what my body needed, though I hadn't felt hungry till I had it in front of me.

Thu Jul 6

I worried that after being locked into his bed all night, Steve might have been very wet by morning, and I did change his clothes, but having the bed slats up wasn't as big a challenge to him as I expected. I went shopping at 1, getting some strawberries, baguette and chocolate cake at Loblaws, and then Draino at Cloverdate. I decided to have my lunch at Pick 'N' Chus, and sat on my own in the food court. A young man came and sat next to me. I said, "There's a hungry man." He said, "You get like that when you've been where I was recently." I said. "Where was that?" Turned out he was an ex inmate. I said I had been a prison visitor, and was familiar with what it was like in jail. I prayed for him and he was grateful. His name is Renaldo. I put the car Jabra Cruiser Bluetooth on charge, and in the evening, attempted to play music from the Blackberry to the Jabra Cruiser (which worked), and from there to the car stereo (which didn't). I didn't know the FM frquency that the Jabra used, so for this and other reasons I gave up.

Wed Jul 5

Laurie-Ann came to bed about midnight by when Steve was in bed. At 4 am I went for a pee and saw that Steve wasn't in his room, and the kitchen lights were on. I searched the house but couldn't find him or his walker. The front door had been unlocked and left ajar and the outside lights were on. I rechecked the house incuding downstairs. I left the house and walked around adjacent streets. It was a a balmy night. I walked round the side and back yards. I decided to drive slowly around Alanmeade Crescent, but saw no sign of him. He had to be out there somewhere. I woke Laurie-Ann and told her what was going on, and that I was going to call the police in case anyone had reported finding him. The 911 receptionist couldn't have been nicer, and said she would put out a call, and also have an officer come to the house. I sat in the living room to wait, and after about 10 minutes heard the sound of a voice. Expecting the police, I opened the door, and there was Steve, attempting to push his walker up the porch steps. He was wearing a light shirt, pyjama top, and a diaper, with the pencil I use for my goceries to buy list in his shirt pocket. He had a smile on his face and seemed none the worse for his adventure. I got him into bed, and raised the side of his bed. He said he'd been in the back yard, but I find that hard to believe. I called 911 again to report the false alarm but five minutes later a police officer did arrive. He wanted to see Steve, and take some details from me.
In the morning Steve seemed none the worse for it all. From now on we'll have to keep the side of his bed raised even though he won't be able to go to the bathroom without help from me.
I prepared lunch, and went to Steve's room to fetch him, to find him on the floor beside his bed, having presumably fallen from it. He was awake but really didn't want to move, or follow my suggestions for returning to bed. His legs and other parts of his body were sore; not surprizing after falling. I put a pillow under his head and gave him 2 Tylenol. Some time later I returned and was worried to see that he hadn't made any efforts to move. I tried to encourage him with the thought of a good lunch waiting for him. It was nearly 4 pm when He seemed to be taking seriously the process of getting off the floor. His head was near the foot of the bed, and he said that he could see his glasses, which had been lost for several weeks. Lo and behold, there they were on the floor. I had looked here before and not seen them, so it's possible I had disloged them from the air matress. This was a great relief to him and me. At last he started to get into a crawl position, and then to lift himself on one leg, and reach the walker. His pants were soaking, so while he stood, I changed his clothes and diaper. I led him to the kitchen, gave him his glasses, and fed him the lunch I had prepared from leftovers. He was still fatigued, so after he had eaten I got him to the white couch, and he slept on it for a good while. I needed to relax, so I listened to Paul Simon's Seven Psalms. McCartney isn't the only octagenarian still creating amazing music. Yesterday I had watched Tom Power's recent interview with Paul Simon. Amanda had returned our Filter Queen Defender air purifier when she visited a couple of months ago, and the recent smoke from Quebec wild fires reminded me that we should get it up and running. I assumed that this would require the purchase of of a new main filter, but when I opened up the unit, it had a brand new filter installed. Amanda must have replaced it, which I hadn't expected. I emailed her that I would send her half the cost of the filter. Our only problem now is finding a convenient wall socket that would allow it to operate effectively. Steve slept on till 8, but then I noticed he was soaked with urine. I got him off the couch and he used the walker to reach the kitchen. With him still holding onto the walker I removed his diaper. As I did so I saw and heard that he was peeing, and I was close to being a target. He had no control of this whatsoever. I don't know how he had soaked his shirt when he was on the couch. I got a dry shirt and diaper from his room, and moved him away from the pool of pee, and put on the clean clothes. Then I sat him at his place and served him his supper, which he ate with gusto. Then I escorted him down to his room, got him on the bed, and after covering him with a blanket, raised the side slats on the bed. No more night trips out of the house for him.

Tue Jul 4    Med

Shortly after midnight we were woken by a bang from Steve's room as once again he fell on the floor after trying to walk without his walker or a walking stick. Luckily there was no blood this time, and I was able to return him to bed quite fast. In the morning there was pee on the bathroom floor. When Allison arrived we discussed the situation. He has no control over peeing in a diaper, and now he seems to be losing control when trying to pee in the toilet. She dressed him in shorts and I gave him breakfast, after which he continued to be hungry throughout the morning, making a nuisance of himself in the kitchen as he foraged for food. At one point he found our communion sets The Miracle Meal, but backed off when I said he would have to pray if he had one. I finished keying in our medical expenses, though I will go through all the paperwork again to make sure I haven't missed something. Laurie-Ann suggested I drink a Monster late afternoon, and it really gave me a boost for the remainder of the day. Throughout the day Steve was more energetic than usual, not wanting to sleep. Both L-A and I felt somewhat better than we had on Monday, though in my case some of that was down to the Monster.

Mon Jul 3    Med

Today wasn't good for L-A. After eating little yesterday, she didn't want anything today, not even tea in the late afternoon (although she did drink it when I gave it her). She thinks she may have eaten too many Brazil nuts, and found lists of things online that she shouldn't eat after such a transgression. I suspect it's her body protecting itself by fasting. My day started unusually. I got up with a wellness factor about 2 and took Steve his Tylenols. I said, "Would you like your morning meds?" and he replied, gruffly, "No." That was a first. A little later at breakfast when I told him the story, he didn't believe it. Though I didn't feel like cooking (or getting up) I made us an egg and sausage and mushroom fry-up. After that we both went back to our respective beds. I really didn't feel well, and a nausea pill had only partially helped. I had two bouts of diarrhea, the first in months. Strange that we should both have felt poorly on a day when Steve felt better than usual. And I stayed there till 2 pm. This hasn't happened before. I slept well - maybe that's what my body needed. I had a cup of tea, and then returned to bed till my 5 pm meds alarm woke me and I finally decided that it really was time. It was now that L-A at first told me she didn't want tea. Instead she instructed me in cooking pork chops with cranberry sauce and pork rub spice. I served it to Steve and me for supper while listening to Mix 98.3 from Johannesburg. When I took Steve to his bedroom I could smell he needed a change of clothing, and I took his trousers off and his diaper, replacing them with two diapers. Then he said to me, "I wish someone would give me a regular bed."

Sun Jul 2

L-A told me when I gave her MLD that she wasn't up to church this morning. I had just two breakfasts to prepare before I went and they were simple, so I wasn't pushed for time. The service was run by the founder of the church, John Arnott, and Steve Long, his successor. John administered communion which included healing prayer, and I took advantage of the latter to pray for my right leg and the tumour. I still had pain in the leg afterwards, and the tumour doesn't communicate. I had come into church wanting to ask for prayer for Laurie-Ann. At the end of the service, people wanting personal healing prayer were led to a room I haven't been in before near the main doors, so I headed on down there. By the time I arrived there were many more people wanting prayer than providing it. Bonnie was just leaving, having decided she would be at the end of a long line, and she had a 2-hour bus trip home. Yet she seemed in good spirits, and it was nice to chat with her. Decisions were made by the leaders to do group prayers, but I could see I wouldn't fit into any likely groups. So, since I am qualified to pray for healing, I prayed for L-A's. I prayed that she would soon be well enough to come to church on a Sunday, and that her fatty liver disease, which gives rise to a number of symptoms would be healed by the Lord. Then I drove home. First job was to clean up the BBQ from last night. Didn't take long with kitchen roll. Then I fed L-A with chicken noodle soup - all she needed. I had noodles. When I went to wake up Steve for his noodle soup, he preferred to stay in bed - until 5! I reheated his noodle soup and when he finished it and his bagel with beef, gave him his physio exercises. He was weak but willing.

Sat Jul 1 - Canada Day and Neesa's birthday

I had a midnight cuppa and toasted raisin bread. But at 3 I was restless and wanted a pee. Steve was awake and asked me for something to eat. I asked if tea and raisin bread would be good, and when they were cooked I brought him to the kitchen and we chatted and ate. About 6 my bowels sent my brain a discrete message to say they had yet more for me. All this and no laxative for several days. I know you don't want to hear about this sort of thing, reader, but it's important to me. I sent Bella the three R5,000 transfers she needed now we are in a new month, and she received them all. So Cathy gets her operation on Monday. Canada Day was quiet for us, guarded by Yvan Baker's lawn sign, the only one I saw anywhere. I'd written a birthday letter to Neesa, and Laurie-Ann wrote one of her own. I checked out 'Paul McCartney Presents McCartney III, the enhanced album;' the same songs (plus some switches) as its predecessor McCartney III Imagined, which I prefer. He has tried to substitute his own versions for the excellent ideas done by Beck and the other world-class producers. Still pretty good for 80, and the voice excellent. In the afternoon some sunshine brought Steve out on on a walkabout, and I thought it might be nice for him to sit on the porch on L-A's red chair for a while. Made a pretty picture in yellow, red and green. But then two things happened. He fell asleep as if after a TIA, and a rain storm hit us. Luckily he stayed dry on the porch. L-A had planned grass-fed beef burgers cooked on the BBQ. South Africans would never BBQ burgers, only 'real' meat. I was encouraged when the BBQ flashed up on the first twist of the spark knob, after not having been used for months. I kept a close eye on Steve, and he gradually came back to the land of the living, finally speaking (one word) when he saw the cooked burgers. We ate inside, and I served him his on the porch. After he finished the burger I was able to coax him inside with the bribe of cherry pie. Then, after a short time in the living room, he went to his room. Laurie-Ann also went to hers. She got up around 9 hoping to find some fireworks somewhere, anywhere. There were some lights visible and bangs audible in the neighbourhood but she's too short to capture any on camera. By the time I tried to catch Canadian Canada Day concerts on CBC Gem, and did watch Jann Arden, their presentation was almost over.

Fri Jun 30

I couldn't sleep even though it was nearly midnight when I got between the sheets. I got up about 1 and had tea and toasted raisin bread, and did computer work. I dozed, and about 4 went back to the bedroom and slept on and off till 6. I got up at 6:25, and Steve was up, and making his way to the kitchen. I gave him Cheerios, and he walked back to his bed, and slept. I washed, dressed, and had cornflakes with hot milk. I left for the hospital at 7:45, getting there about 10 minutes late for my chemo infusion. The walk seemed less strenuous than the last time. I asked them if they could supply me with 4 or 5 Dexamethasone, and she gave me a pager. I went to Tims for coffee and a bacon English muffin - nice. My appetite was better. than the last time. The pager rang when I was just finishing the muffin. I took the coffee with me and returned to the chemo reception, where a nurse Joy had brought my Dexamethasone. Now I had all the pills needed as I took chemo, but I waited another 20 minutes before they were ready for me. It was nurse Joy again and she was very efficient administering my chemo drugs. It was raining lightly when I arrived back at Kipling. I drove to our Shell station for a fill-up, and then on to the LCBO to buy 4 wine boxes, and 8 assorted craft beers manufactured in Ontario. Then I went to Renforth pharmacy for the Senokot laxative ordered by Dr Banerjee and the Dexamethasone ordered by Dr Lucy. Finally I got my hair cut by Sendi. I told her I was looking to buy some very light hair styling gel, and she said she had something I would like, and used it as she finished my haircut. I bought a bottle of it: Designline Volumizing Styler. This cheered me up. It is curious that on the day I ended up with three differenet laxatives, I needed none of them; I had two healthy bowel movements instead.

Thu Jun 29

I drove L-A to Sunnybrook hospital for an appointment with her Lymphedema specialist. While she was inside I parked on my favourite sidestreet, and bought a couple of subsize Monster energy drinks. I had finished one of them by the time L-A called to say she was ready. We got on our way home. The alarm rang on my phone and it was the noon call to remind me to take my meds. The only liquid I had was in the second Monster, but I couldn't reach it without getting out of the car. We drove on to Glendale cemetery. We remembered that Carol's plot had been opposite the crematorium so we parked and I went searching for the plaque, basically walking straight back from the crematorium, less hopeful with every step - until - there it was! I walked back to the car and drove L-A to a closer place for her to walk from. When she was installed in her red chair beside the grave, she said this wasn't the location we had been shown before by Shazad; he must have been confused that day. Not very professional. L-A was benefitting by spending this time beside her mother's grave for the first time. I took a few photos and we left. Before driving home I opened up the second Monster and my pills and swallowed them. By the time we were home I was ready for anything. I got our lunches, then did some computer work. At about 5 I went shopping, first picking up some vegetables and fruit from NoFrills, and then going to the LCBO to replenish our boxed wine stocks. For tonight's connect group Zoom I was somewhat more awake and appreciative than usual. After that we watched Fauda, and afterwards I asked ChatGPT if the music was by Sigur Ros (no it wasn't, though Chst GPT replied a second time and said it could have made a mistate. I listened to the whole of Gilad Benamram's music for Fauda, and the track that sounds very like Sigur Ros is omitted from it!) L-A went to bed, but I still had energy from the 2 Monsters, so I brought this journal up to date as I compared McCartney III with McCartney III Imagined. I had thought the former somewhat plodding last year, but 'Imagined' is something else, augmented by the talents of some of today's finest music producers. I finally retired about 11:30, only to encounter Steve leaving the bathroom, so I did what Allison wanted and put on a second diaper.

Wed Jun 28

It seemed a long time since I last went for my 3-weekly visit to PMH, but today was the day, and my first appointment was for a blood draw, and they were backed up like I'd never seen before. So I was in a bit of a rush for my Tim Hortons sausage English muffin. The oncology department didn't keep me waiting long, and I saw a Dr Lucy Coalte (?). She was willing to prescribe the Luctolose Suspense, plus more Olanzapine nausea pills, and Dexamethasone. She mentioned that Odansetron could cause severe constipation. Back home I checked the blood test results but found they hadn't tested for Ferritin this time, the one which last time round my result was seriously high. I left a message for Dr Bradbury's department questioning why they wouldn't have tested for Ferritin this time. The phone rang and it was a nurse from Palliative Care who took me through all my pain meds in preparation for my scheduled palliative care virtual meeting. When I said I was getting Luctolose Suspense, she strongly preferred Senokot, saying it was less explosive when it went to work. I should continue with Clearlax on a daily basis, but just use Senokot if I ran into problems, eg no result after several days. She also commented that all walk-in clinics only prescribe Tylenol as a painkiller, but that the palliative care department could certainly prescribe Tramacet if it was suitable. This was getting interesting! I mentioned Ferratin and she said the test had to be ordered specially every time. So it wasn't an error, but it puts paid to my plan for comparing Ferramax and Bis-Glycinate. Dr Banerjee called me briefly and said he would raise a prescription for Senokot.

Tue Jun 27

After he'd finished eating his breakfast, I shaved Steve's face and neck with the smaller of the two electric shavers. When it was done he looked better than he has since his recent recent hospitalisation 18 May when it had grown for a week. L-A had heard several days ago that Bob Carson had died. I had Beth's number on my phone, from way back, and she picked up - in Chillawack, where she and Bob had been staying with their daughter. We had a really good chat, which lifted both of us up. She and Bob had been Christians for 50 years. Bethel Pentecostal church in Ottawa had been a big part of their lives for 25 (?) years, and Bob's funeral would be held there on 7 July at 1 pm. We talked about some of the events the three of us had participated in, starting with Alpha of course. There'll be a lot of people at the funeral, at least one coming from Europe.

Mon Jun 26

I picked two stalks of rhubarb from the garden and cooked them up for our breakfast. They were lovely. But by the time L-A was having breakfast I was hungry again and had my regular favourite: cornflakes with hot milk. I was meeting Carl Wake at Tim Hortons on Dundas West at 2, and I managed to get there 10 minutes before him. We hugged. I got us both medium hot chocolates. Carl and I go back to 2001, when I started volunteering in Ottawa-Carleton Detention Centre. He was the prison chaplain there. He had always encouraged me and showed interest in my Christian activities. I was a financial advisor with Investors Group, and he and his family members became my clients, from his mother to his children. I wrote a tune to a poem Peter had written, after visiting some inmates, What is the difference between this man and me? Sometimes we'd hold business meetings in the Tim Hortons near the prison, so today had extra meaning for us. I brought him up to date with our situation, and he told me about his. I sent out my letter to my siblings. It needed extra thought. My relationship with Maureen had been strained somewhat following Phil's death, and that was the last thing I wanted, so this letter was important for building bridges.

Sun Jun 25

I checked out the vacuum cleaner since Tara had mentioned one of the pipes was stuffed with carpet dirt, but all was well, so I suspect she had cleared it out. I vacuumed. Mindful of last Sunday I drove to church up Martin Grove, turning left onto Dixon Road, the way I have often come home. It must be the quickest way to church, and avoids freeways. I wasn't feeling well. There was extra dizziness and lack of balance even as I walked to my seat. Someone familiar seemed to be in the next row ahead. I didn't know if this was a tend or a blip; let's hope a blip. Steve Long preached on titheing. I had remembered my noon pills so by the time I was home I was a little better. L-A slept in the afternoon, so she abandoned her original plans for dinner and asked me to bring up an M&Ms lasangna. Mid evening Steve joined us in the living room and lay on the couch as we watched Testament on her iPad. He was well away by the time it finished, but I needed to get him back to bed with dry clothes. I woke him and watched anxiously as he returned to his room with the walker. Once there I took off his trousers and the very wet diaper, and then put a new diaper on him, all as he stood precariously. But we made it between us and soon he was in bed and dry, set for the night.

Sat Jun 24

James phoned about 9:30 - 6:30 in Las Vegas - from his motorbike! He was riding round Red Rock Canyon (which we enjoyed when we visited them). His BMW bike had been out of commission while Sagan was growing from baby to girl. James wanted to avoid unnecessary risks. But when the time came to possibly sell the bike, he just couldn't go through with it, and instead spent a few days restoring it to 'as new' condition, and this was his first ride. He had the drone with him and planned to take some video with it as he rode. When I took Steve through his exercises around noon, I saw a definite improvement in his strength, and also in his ability to comprehend what he was being asked to do. James had already sent me his new film, Dronebiking. He'd edited it and added music already. It's special; just needs more shots from the drone of him biking. I finally got to process some medical expenses for the tax return. I felt extra weak all day so wasn't very productive. At 4 I decided to take my own advice below and was woken at 5 by my alarm to remember to take my meds, and was still dozing 20 minutes later when there was a loud bang from Steve's room. I got up fast and remember noticing I was feeling better than earlier in the day. The bang was definitely a case of bone on wood; I just wasn't sure which bone. He said he was trying to get his warm jacket from the back of a chair. I suspect he wasn't using a walking stick or the walker - they were not in the vicinity. As I eased him from where he had fallen to a better position I saw a bloodstain on his pillow case. The blood was coming from his elbow. So I treated it in the same way a PMH nurse would have treated me after a failed injection attempt: with gauze and skin plaster. And I had both readily at hand. Before getting him back on the bed I removed his soiled trousers and diaper and replaced the latter. Soon after that he was comfortably sleeping on a dry bed, as I went to see what L-A had on the dinner menu.

Fri Jun 23    Med

If you are reading this for the first time you might want to know how am I feeling on a daily basis at this stage of mesothelioma cancer. In reading my answer, bear in mind that how I feel is a combination of how the cancer makes me feel, and how chemotherapy makes me feel, and how the drugs I take around the time of chemo infusions make me feel. Those drugs are intended to reduce the side effects of chemo. How I am feeling is a combinantion of how I feel physically, and how I feel mentally. I have been using my own personal 'wellbeing index,' a number between 0 and 10 as a measure of wellness. Wellness describes the extent that I want to get on with useful work (eg my tax return, or a number of other projects that are currently held up so that I'll devote more time to the tax return). Before cancer was diagnosed, I would take one 'Overdrive' vitamin and mineral supplement a day and feel on a different level. After cancer was diagnosed, Overdrive has not been sufficient to bring my wellness index above 5. Instead, a lack of pain (for which I take Tylenol), or iron supplementation, will raise my wellness index, and I can then operate very well at physically-oriented or mentally-oriented tasks. Usually I feel good first thing in the morning because I take Tylenol, Bis-Glycinate (for iron) at 6:30 am, so they are working well for me by 8. But as the day progresses, whenever I am standing, a combination of dizziness, lack of balance, weakness and sometimes nausea make whatever I am trying to do more difficult. Getting up from a sitting position is something I sometimes put off for several minutes. Walking upstairs is a slow process. On my way to the hospital on the subway I have learned where the up scalators and elevators are. Nausea can be dealt with by taking a nausea pill (eg Olanzapine). But even without nausea, my wellness factor falls below 3. I don't feel any of these conditions if I am driving, including over long distances, which is a blessing, and certainly not if I'm resting on a bed (or asleep). I take more Tylenol at noon and 5 pm. If I forget I soon get very weak. One particular side effect of the drugs (chemo or anti-chemo or my regular Tyenol etc) is constipation. I have learned to take 'Clearlax' every couple of days as a preventative measure otherwise my bowel will get blocked and life is very hard for a few hours until two or more doses of Clearlax eventually soften the stool and allow me to have a bowell movement. This is easily the most umpleasant of the side effects. I have also suffered for many months from my taste buds being deceived, and finding something tastes different from the way I remember it. By now I have developed some knowledge of what foods to avoid, but even that is not the answer, because the taste buds are changing. I am generally good with savoury foods, but less so with sweet foods and candy. Each day I have pain in my right leg, referred from a damaged lower back vertebra, which was diagnosed in the early days in South Africa (2018). I was prescribed Tramacet and Celebrex which I took every day. These painkillers and anti-inflamatories took away the pain completely, and incidentally increasing my wellbeing, allowing me to operate on the mission field without limping for 4 years, TKOG. But when we arrived back in Canada, a walk-in clinic doctor refused to prescribe Tramacet and Celebrex, but only Tylenol. So today the pain is back for part of my day, such as when I haven't recently taken Tylenol. This is not related to the cancer, but it does affect my wellness. When I mentions above taking Tylenol, I actually have one Tylenol extra strength, and one Tylenol No 2. The No 2 contains codeine which contains an opiate which has a direct effect on my wellness factor, as I mentioned Overdrive did for many years, but is a natural vitamin/mineral product.

After breakfast I drove to Loblaws and bought a baguette, since we had all enjoyed the last one so much. Steve was eating the first cut from it with ginger marmalade when Christine arrived to give him his exercises. She insisted he finish it at his leisure and got into conversation with L-A. Here she is at work. In the afternoon I drove out seeking Yvan Baker's office, eventually finding it but with no entry and a notice saying he was at a constituency event.

Thu Jun 22

Bella sent L-A her money needs for the near future. Cathy needs another R7,000 for a second kidney operation on 3 July, but Bella has already used most of her her R25,000 total transfer-in from abroad quota for June, so we can't make more transfers till 1st July. So I sent Bella a schedule for three transfers to her acount on 1 July totalling R15,000. We are giving Bella a lot of money, but we both have no hesitation in doing this, and have the money available. We have come so far along this journey with her, and we aren't giving up. One of the requirements to claim a Canada Caregiver Allowance was that the patient not have net income above $25.195. I discovered this after keying in the rest of the relavent data. I sent Tara a message and she confirmed Steve's income was higher. I guess the taxman thinks that someone with more income should pay for his own care receiving. Paul McCartney was on the international news saying there would be one final Beatles release in the fall, in which John's voice had been radically cleaned up, using AI, from a home recording from the 70's. So I did some YouTube searching, and found a 'new' Beatles song with all 4 contributing, titled Now and Then. I really like it, but will it turn out to be the release promised by Paul for the fall? The bass playing by McCartney (?) sounds a little pedestrian, and Beatles songs never had pedestrian bass parts. We shall see.

Wed Jun 21

When I went into his room to give him a Tylenol and open his curtains, he said, "Would you have one of those chocolate bars?" An hour later he was eating bacon, egg and fried millett bread (the only bread without lectin which L-A is avoiding). As he finished his breakfast he slumped in his chair, noticed by L-A. I managed to get him to use the walker, but only as far as the green chair, where his legs gave out and he ended up on the floor. We left him resting there and after 45 minuted he got himself up. At elevenses I ate, and enjoyed, the last slice of Betty Crocker chocolate cake we had baked in 14 June, a week ago. Steve helped me eat it. I listened to a 'Stand Firm' podcast which examined the increasing stresses between orthodix Anglicanism (ACNA) and members of the Episcopal Church, or the Anglican Church of Canada, and ACNA, wishing to water down their theological differences, and be in communion. This shows itself in entries to seminaries.

Tue Jun 20

Before I gave him breakfast, I changed Steve's diaper and then brought him to the kitchen. We had real porridge. While he ate I changed his dirty (but only slightly damp) bedsheet and put a new pad on it. After breakast he had a dry bed and diaper as he waited for Allison. For lunch I had the contents of the doggy bag I had brought home from Red Lobster: crispy sprouts and roast potatoes. I spent some time in the afternoon figuring out how to claim the Canada Caregiver credit. Having done the data entry it didn't seem to increase the rebate, so I have more work to do on this. L-A took part in a Katie Sousa webinar on deliverance. James video-called and said that he had rebuilt Taid's piano accordion, and it was working fine. That's a tricky job, with all those buttons.

Mon Jun 19

I was woken by a bang from Steve's room shortly after midnight. Sure enough, he was lying on the floor, having fallen out of bed. I gave him a pillow for his head, rolled him onto his back, and ever pragmatic, told him I was going for a cup of tea while his legs recovered strength. Half an hour later I rolled him onto his front, got him to adopt a crawl position, and soon he was back on the bed. I woke with happy thoughts of going to Red Lobster again in celebration of our anniversary yesterday; last time was for my birthday 4 months ago. In the morning I went to Renforth IDA and ordered L-A's drug replacements. I wasn't feeling too good - dizziness and nausea. I fed Steve a half can of beef barley soup in his room. A few minutes later he called me. He had lost his teeth. I looked around but couldn't find them. Then he called me again - he had found them - in his mouth! We got on our way. We were both dressed better than normal. Our waitress was Laura, and after bringing a bottle of Reisling she helped us with a special aspect of this resturant - deciding what to eat from the marvelous menu. But there's a downside to that, you want everything! I was bad, selecting twice as many items as I should have. After my lobster bisque appetizer, Laura brought my main course on 3 dishes. L-A was far more sensible, picking tilapia and a skewer of scallops. After five minutes I knew I wouldn't get through it all, but I kept going. It was all delicious. And when I'd finished I asked for a desert based on two large brownies. Luckily L-A had one of them. By now I was feeling bloated, and this was was only held in check by the excellent coffee. Fifteen minutes later after paying a lot of money to Laura, I eased myself out of the restaurant and into the car. Steve was in the kitchen when we arrived. He'd microwaved the rest of the beef barley soup. All I wanted at that stage was my bed, and I greeted its warmth. L-A, the far more sensible one settled down in the green chair with her Kindle app. Come dinner time we neither of us wanted anything, and I cooked Steve a mushroom omelette. I returned to bed about an hour earlier than usual.

Sun Jun 18 - Our 24th anniversary

Steve was pretty damp by morning, but I wanted to know if his legs were working. So I cooked us a good breakfast and tempted him into the kitchen. He walked fine. He was still damp but he ate. When he was finished I put a dry shirt and diaper on him and returned him to his bed with a dry pad. My drive to church was interrupted by there being no access from Burnhamthorpe to the 427 North, and I spent 15 minutes finding an alternative, so I missed part of the worship. But I didn't miss a Father's Day gift of a free coffee, which was hot enough to still to be hot when I arrived home. I found L-A had returned to bed with a headache. Psw Shavon had visited Steve and made him comfy. I sipped my Misto while listening to the rest of a Spark program on the history of recorded sound, which included an interview with the curator of the Mixtape Museum in New York. Though the plumbers are coming at 9 am tomorrow, I decided to run one more cycle of the washing machine mainly because I felt it would be very unfair to subject the plumbers to the smell of the soiled clothes and pads as they worked. This time the water from the machine drained away slowly from the sinks. I listened to an amazing podcast sent me by Dave Kemp about infiltration and corruption by the CCP in Canada, wich I tweeted. I discovered that the blockage in the downstairs sinks had mysteriously disappeared, after using the plunger vigourously, so I called Mr Rooter and cancelled tomorrow's visit. I said I would be happy to pay any cancellation fee. XE Money Transfers told me they would be returning the money I had sent on a recent transfer, but didn't identify which transfer, so I asked them for more info. Hopefully it was a small amout I sent to my own FNB account. I asked Bella to confirm she received everything I have recently sent, providing her with a list. In the past she has been quick to inform us if a transfer was late. I am looking forward so much to Red Lobster tomorrow, to celebrate our anniversary, albeit a day late.

Sat Jun 17

I had a fitful and sweaty night, so I decided to get up after my 6:30 alarm and listen to Mike Regenstreif on CKCU's Saturday Morning from its start. He played Rod MacDonald! It all sounds so good and twice as enjoyable on the Sony WH-1000XM5s. I finally confirmed that the phones can be used wired (instead of Bluetooth) with the supplied cable, for exmple on an aeroplane, or if the battery is flat, though then the noise cancelling won't work. The Ace bagette I had so much enjoyed with some ginger marmalade yesterday was just as fresh this morning. It fitted in the toaster and it was just as good toasted. I managed to deal with the uFile issues (thanks to the uFile helpdesk) which had stopped it calculating a refund, and then processed our Staycation credit when we stayed in the Residence Inn in January 2022. Staycation earned us $400. I added in the British State pension to my income and was pleased to see that there was no significant reduction in my rebate. Now that we had no missionary income from Iris Canada, I was in a lower tax bracket. Steve preferred to have his lunch an dinner in his room today, mainly I think becuse he had no trousers on. After he'd eaten lunch I took the opportunity to shave him with the less agressive of the two electric shavers. He looked better for it. I wrote an email to Ian McCallum asking how he was getting on with the mesothelioma and bringing him up to date with my situation, and the fact that I was feeling better than I had for some time. When I went to bed that night I noticed Steve 'standing' at the end of his bed, and hanging onto it to save falling on the floor. He had walked towards the window to close the curtain (which I should have done earlier) and didn't get to it before all the strength in his right leg gave out. This has happened before, and the strength returns after half an hour or so, but this time he couldn't relax the leg. I held up some of his weight by positioning my knees under his butt and coaxed him slowly around the foot of the bed until he was able to fall onto the bed. He was able to wriggle up the bed to a position he could sleep in. The minor emergency was over, but was this a sign of things to come?

Fri Jun 16

We both missed my 7:30 alarm and were woken by Allison at the front door about 7:50. When she'd finished with Steve and I'd got up, I prepared Steve's and my sausage and egg breakfast which we both enjoyed. On my wellness index I was about 4 and dizzy, and there was no obvious reason for the drop from yesterday, though I had eaten chocolate cake during the night. When he was done I went to Loblaws and bought an Ace baguette, some brioché bread, Maman orange marmalade ($7.49!), and Robertsons ginger marmalade. As I returned, Christine was just finishing physio with Steve. I buttered him some baguette with ginger marmalade, and then did the same for me - twice. uFile replied to my help request, so I sent them another. Laurie-Ann is doing some serious internet research on the negative effects of lectin in one's diet, and on liver disease. If these challenges can be minimized with supplementation, she is likely to find the way. I went downstairs to move the washing into the drier and found both sinks full of water, drained from the washing machine. At first I hoped this was just a regular blockage which might be fixed with the toilet plunger, but it made no difference. Unless we could sort this out we can't wash clothes, a major issue with the volume of soiled clothes and bedclothes Steve generates. I am washing most days. So I called Mr Rooter, the plumber we have an account with. He would come within an hour. I then called the property taxes desk in the City of Ottawa. The tax bill of $2,634 seemed higher than in the past, and I wanted to make sure I was reading the online account correctly. I left my number instead of waiting on the phone. Just as the plumber knocked on the door, the phone rang, so I was unable to deal with it then. The plumber considered the ancient copper pipework and corrosion around it, and strongly recommended against even trying to unscrew the drain plug on the ubend. The double sink is made of concrete and would need to be broken up in the basement to be removed, and 2 men would be necessary to lift it from its preasent seating. In the end I agreed to more than $1,000 worth of work, to be done at 9am on Monday. I had told Steve earlier that the plumber was coming, but now I told him the cost. It was late when I finished washing up, so instead of our usual prayer session and Bible verses, I asked L-A to tell me about Jesus and what he means to her. She made him very appealing.

Thu Jun 15

I managed to find the amount of interest paid on our All-in-One, a figure hidden on the statements. Because of high interest rates it had risen from $2,822 to $4570 in 2022, but because the condo is rented out the full amount is tax deductible. When Carlos originally recommended we sell the condo before going to South Africa, I don't think he took into account the significant tax benefits we have enjoyed. The government certainly wants to encourage business. I still had a problem with the tax return however. It thinks I had employment income (T4) in 2022 and I didn't. I sent uFile a help request to handle this one. For lunch I had noodles and cake. I have really enjoyed the noodles L-A ordered recently as an alternative to soup. Dave Atkins has sent me links about the current swell of online information about transgenderism, so I sent him the recent podcast from Stand Firm, making the strongest of cases from an orthodox Christian standpoint. After lunch, without feeling the need for a rest, and feeling at least 7 on my wellness index, I tackled a job I had known would have to be done, and its time had come. I extracted all our medical expenses for 2022 from our paper files. It took about an hour, as I refiled the 2023 expenses. After dinner we watched the final episode of The Girl from Oslo which had kept us in suspense this past week.

Wed Jun 14

Chicken boerewors and scrambled egg, followed by fresh garden rhubarb and honey on toast made a perfect breakfast. Allison commented on the improvement in Steve's mobility, which must be from the physiotherapy. I never imagined it could help in such a short time. After lunch I took Steve (and myself) through 6 of his physio exercises. He managed well, but I found them quite hard! L-A made the icing/filling for the chocolate cake, using up several of her mother's ingredients still in the cupboards. I had no idea there is so much butter in icing. I had poured the cake mix into two baking pans, and was able to get them out without breaking to form the top and bottom of the cake. I spread some of the filling on the bottom part of the cake. I then put the top on and iced the top and sides. Steve was our very willing taster and he pronounced it good. I had 2 slices and L-A had half a slice. Why so much detail on this? It was the first cake I ever remember baking, though I may have done so during my walk along the Pyrennees in 1960 with Phil. Steve and I had chocolate cake for dessert.

Tue Jun 13    Med

I figured out why I wasn't able to get to the Solutions Banking site when I remembered that the National Bank had bought out Solutions Banking. So I googled Solutions Banking, and some distance down the list found the new site: 3 line URL . Amazing! It remembered my password so I was able to log in. Maybe I missed an announcement from IG, or maybe there are lots of clients right now searching. Christine came at about 11 to give Steve his physiotherapy exercises. There were new ones, and he handled the session well. We received Phil's obituary from Maureen. L-A received a letter from Toronto General Hospital Liver Clinic - Dr Aliya Fatemah Gulamhusein - offering her a consulting appointment at 11 am on 13 December 2023. Let's pray she hasn't suffered further problems by then. This clinic has the finest specialists in the country, and just as with my original appointment with Dr De Perrot, we feel blessed to have achieved access. TKOG. Will we still be in Toronto in December? If not it would be worth driving here. Around midday I was feeling very tired, so I decided to sake a second Bis-Glycinate, and it helped. Only twice the recommended dose. After lunch I went to bed for a couple of hours and felt better, so much so that I decided to bake a cake: Betty Crocker chocolate cake. L-A offered to make the icing and confirmed we have the ingredients. With most of the data keyed into uFile for our rental income, and therefore only the medical expenses yet to be processed, I test-ran uFile which suggested we will have a healthy tax rebate. This was good news because I won't pay tax on late filing, and the rebate may just save redeeming from our TFSAs for monthly expenses. L-A slept in the afternoon, as she had in the morning. I am somewhat concerned about her need for so much sleep. I cooked chicken boerewors, scalloped potatoes and pees for supper and woke her when it was ready.

Mon Jun 12

Maureen told us how the memorial celebration for Phil on 9 June had gone. Excerpt: 'The memorial service was a perfect tribute to the man Phil was. A hundred people attended. We have the program and memorial card to send you. The photo tribute with his music is too big to send by email so Kale is going to work on another method. She is flying back to Toronto today.' I worked through about 5 of Steve's physiotherapy exercises with him. He co-operated fully. I made progress on the tax on our rental income, but was held up when I couldn't get into the Solutions Banking site. I was impeded by constipation, but finally I won the battle.

Sun Jun 11

I woke and went to the living room three times in the night, and on the final time responded to Gary Bielert's message of 9 June for news from us. I suspect the iron overdose was the reason for so little sleep without consequence. Church me, yes, L-A still asleep when I left. Murray and Ash off to Australia for 3 weeks with her parents. I gave her a hug as I wished her well. I had noodles for lunch; a welcome change from soup. Alpa posted a 'best of' the talks from the recent leadership conference at the Royal Albert Hall. I saved it and then with a lot of prayer and thought wrote a message to James to encourage him to actually listen to all of it with an open mind. We prayed again that evening. I posted a home made ad for LH Express 'Painting Stars.' I would love to see Lucas have more audience; his music has more than the quality needed, and Megan's voice is superb. James video-called from Las Vegas and although he was safe, the piano accordion had suffered damage, with some of the buttons imploding into the casing. Brian Wilkie made last week's service available and I used the message for today's GNiTM. I asked him please to send me some recent sermon audios.

Sat Jun 10

I went for a cup of tea, toasted raisin bread, and one of Steve's bananas about 2. I woke again about 3:30 feeling restless. Maybe my iron overdose was still at work. So ispent while updating the journal with the business of the last few days, and then swiffered the kitchen floor. I still had energy but decided to go back to bed. After three days going to PMH, it was relaxing just to be writing up my journal before getting breakfast for Steve and Laurie-Ann. I was still benefitting from my iron overdose! I'm in two minds about reporting it. 150% sounds high but I have already reduced the dose to the recommended 1/day. L-A has started in ernest on her Gundry (very low lectin) diet, and it already seems to be doing her good. James video-called me from Penny's house in Sheringham and the three of us had a good conversation. He mentioned that he was bringing back Taid's (Penny's father's) piano accordion, and putting my original Hofner President guitar up for auction. I had bought it during my second year at Cambridge, 1960.

Fri Jun 9    Med

Chemo day at PMH. I tried extra hard not to fall asleep at Christy or Spadina, and succeeded. I checked in on the 4th floor and collected my pager, then went back down to Tim Hortons for a Sausage English Muffin and coffee. Very nice. My taste buds were behaving. I arrived back upstairs half an hour later, and the pager ranger rang within a few minutes. Red 73. My nurse was the charming Michelle and I found my natural chatting mode somewhere in my brain was turned on high. So when she failed to find a good producing vein after two attempts (I have never experienced a problem having immunotherapy or chemo before), it was I providing her the sympathy, but she insisted on bringing in nurse Michael to do the job, which he did without difficulty. I imagine if she had failed a third time, she would have got more nervous, and some patients might have even sent in a comment. So there is probably a rule that says no more than 2 tries. Since I have lots of needles I have beome knowledgable about the challenges. The hardest to do have been hydrotherapy and blood transfusions, which use much finer gauge tubes and therefore take much longer than chemo. My chemo today was done in just over an hour. As it got into the second half I started even feeling stronger than I had at the beginning with a wellness factor of about 8. I felt almost as good before I was on any drugs and just taking Overdrive and Lifepak from NuSkin. Chemo has never given me side effects, and certainly not on the first day, so this was unusual. I went back to Tims for a warmed raisin tea biscuit, my current favourite. On the return subway journey while still on the first leg approaching St. George, I spotted a man fast asleep. Learning from my experience of yesterday I woke him. He fended me off but he must have heard something of what I said because when I got off, he followed me. He had mumbled he was going to Dundas West but I didn't know if that was a station on Line 1 as well as Line 2. It's a long street, like many in Toronto.
I had decided after a nudge - prayer - nudge - prayer sequence that unless Mella did not recommend it, for dishonesty, I would send Chantelle a single gift of R500. The first step was to have her recognised by Sikhona. I sent her on Messenger: ' You need to register yourself with Sikhona. Download the Sikhona app to your phone from the App Store. Register with Sikhona by uploading your ID and a Selfie (and any other information they need) Let me know how you get on. Once you are registered I may send you some money just once, not a regular amount, and I certainly can't afford to send school fees or a laptop.' On my way home I went to Renforth IDA, and picked up my Tylenol No. 2. I was grateful to Dr Banerjee's organization because I would have run out at the weekend. I re-checked the blood results from the tests done on Wednesday, prompted by wanting to get the spelling of Ferritin. I was shocked to see that with a standard range of between 30-250 ug/L I was registering 640 ug/L, 156% high. But that was not what Dr Faour had said on Wednesday. She must have mis-read it, telling me my iron was still low.
This was the day for Phil's private memorial celebration in Qualicum Beach, and we didn't know what time it was being held. We held our own memorial celebration, just the three of us if you include the Holy Spirit, and including communion. I'm so glad we did it.

Thu Jun 8    Med

I would have been in good time at the hospital, but I fell asleep on the subway and awoke 8 stops further east (Greenwood). The blood transfusion staff didn't seem bothered by my late arrival. The blood transfusion went according to plan, though a half hour before it was done I felt extra tired, the opposite of what I had expected. When it was complete, they disentangled me and I went to Tim Hortons. For the first time I decided to buy a gourmet meal from the automatic dispenser. I chose Chicken Alfredo. It wasn't quite as nice as I'd hoped for $13.50, but it was nice enough to finish. More important, a man sitting near if I had used the dispenser before, which I hadn't, but from that came a lovely conversation. He was an 81 year old missionary, Bruce Francisco, with a school in Myanmar he had run for decades, and a problem: no-one to take over from him. He had been coming to PMH for 20 years with (now) stage 4 prostate cancer. I was curious enough to ask if he was wearing a catheter. He wasn't. I got out Dr Banerjee's paperwork and saw that I had added that for replacement prescriptions I should have my pharmacy fax in their number and the drug required. So I called them and spoke to one of the ladies, who said she'd do it immediately.

Wed Jun 7    Med

I took paper and pen with me to the hospital and started writing a memoire about Phil on the subway. Dr Bradbury wasn't available so Dr Faour saw me. I told her I was now taking Bis-Glycinate 25 for iron, 3 pills a day instead of the recommended 1, and was feeling about the same as when I took Feramax 150. She had my blood results from this morning and said there was a reading for Ferritin, showing I was still low on iron. Dr Faour asked me if I thought more hydration therapy might help - 'No' - and then asked if another blood transfusion might - 'Yes'. I had told her I was feeling better than I had for a week, but she was looking at the blood test I had had a little earlier. She actually arranged the transfusion almost immediately after I had had the extra blood test needed. Unfortunately the blood test had revealed a potential incompatibility with the donor's blood, and needed two senior sign-offs to proceed. This took a long time and it wasn't till after 5 pm that the blood was ready. At that point I decided to return home and come back tomorrow, mainly becaude it would allow me to get the family dinner ready at the normal time. The dinner was Pizza Nova, which I bought on my way. But what going home now also meant was that I would have time to type up the draft memoire about Phil and send it to Maureen. The memoire I had drafted was more detailed about our life as children, and more glossed over when it reached our marriages.

Tue Jun 6

We heard today in an email from Maureen that Phil had died June 4. It was expected but no less capable of making me look back over our two lives, and I found I knew very little detail about his. We had operated separately. Maureen said that they would have a memorial celebration this Friday, so that those who had been around him the past week could then return to jobs/school. I emailed her to say I would like to attend the memorial celebration, but she replied, 'Thank you for your thoughts and considering coming for the memorial. Thank you also for understanding that this would cause negative emotions that neither myself or the girls could manage during this already emotional time. Therefore, we would prefer that you do not attend. However, if you would like to send a message to be read out at the memorial we can do that.' That Lynn and Lisa would still be hurting after more than 30 years (since I married their mother) made me feel very sad. It didn't have to have been like that. Hurting someone and being hurt by them are well dealt with in the Bible, and I was sure of the forgiveness I had received when I had confessed my sin, and had stopped worrying about it. But they had fended me off with a passion.

Mon Jun 5

Although Steve came to the kitchen for breakfast, even before he had finished he was dropping off to sleep and I was continually waking him. This is new. In the past, once he is eating he stayed awake. I listened to CBC Music's morning show of popular releases and was impressed compared with independent stations. I listened to Shadow Kingdom, Bob Dylan's current album of reimagined songs from the first half of his career. For an 80+ year old, his voice is in great shape. This is the soundtrack of a film made by Israeli Alma Har'el. I actually listened to the complete album twice, very unusual for me. While listening, finally found where T5008 data goes in uFile. Started keying in 9 T5008s, and had done them all by late afternoon. Laurie-Ann reminded me that she hadn't received her 'vote by mail' package for the mayoral election, though I had sent off the two applications and received mine. So I started searching my back emails (L-A had forwarded the original notice to me) and was getting despondent. After quite a while she took a phone call from the city saying they had her application but it didn't include her home address. I must have failed to list it. She gave them our address and they'll send the application. Phew! and TKOG. We watched the final episode of High Water, a Polish production based on real flood events.

Sun Jun 4

I got to church, but L-A didn't, which was good since a PSW who has never been before, Shavon, arrived just as I was leaving. I went to the normal area I use when L-A isn't with me, and then moved a couple of rows nearer the stage. After settling in I looked to my left to see Bob and Catherine within stretching distance! We haven't received any further updates on Phil, but I have decided to attend the funeral. I would fly to Victoria International Airport and rent a car. On the tax return front I have printed out all T-Slips and keyed in the data from half of them. In not too long I'll have reached the medical expenses. John and Kennedy arrived without warning. John mounted Steve's TV on a pole mounted on his table; much better than the previous arrangement. Then he took out the mattress and box spring and left them on the curb for Wednesday garbage pickup. Steve came into the kitchen for all three meals today.

Sat Jun 3

Steve and I are getting better at minimising the soaking of his bedclothes and his day clothes. He is allowing me to change his 2 diapers in the evening, so that by morning they have contained the situation. The day was routine, including progress on the tax return, listening to Saturday Morning on CKCU, watering the little tree. Christine, from 'Closing the Gap' (437-253-3857), an associate of Humail Jamil, physioteherapist, called to arrange a visit 6 June to start Steve on the exercises he had described.

Fri Jun 2    Med

Sadly, Steve and his bedclothes weren't still dry when he got up this morning, so I'll be keeping the washer/drier busy. He had cooked breakfast in the kitchen, but by the time he finished he was very tired and I was lucky or favoured to get him on to the bed.
I haven't talked about this much in the journal but it is a constant in my life at the moment - constipation is a side effect of the drugs I'm on, and left to its own I would soon get a blockage like the one that led me to the hospital emergency and perhaps have a catheter fitted, as happened 25 February. So every 2 or 3 days I take Clearlax, a fairly gentle laxative and stool softener, and that keeps me 'irregular.' Steve is having a very tired day today. He's keeping to his bed with visits to the bathroom. Around 9 pm when I asked if I could change his diaper, I found that it was dry, so no point in changing it.

Thu Jun 1

I listened to part of a Rick Beato video where he analysed the appeal of Radiohead, who he had regarded highly since the 1990's. I was two drgrees under today for some reason, so listening to Radiohead was something I could do, resting on the couch, and I began to appreciate them. It's exciting to find a new (old) band you like and then get into them. I sent R1,300 to Bella to pay for counselling (see yesterday's journal), and suggested she request a Christian councellor from the university. We had dinner at lunch time, after which a physiotherpist, Humail Jamil, came to see Steve. He tested Steve's mobility and then went through a series of leg and foot movements, which Steve managed quite well. A nurse called Christine will be coming twice a week to continue the exercises. Humail asked Steve to sign a form to set this in motion, and Steve blankly refused, complaining about 'you people' who tell us what we have to do. I asked Steve which people were 'you people,' and I think what he was trying to express was anyone with a white coat. Anyway, Laurie-Ann intervened and persuaded Steve he should sign, since there was no charge for the service. In Steve's defence, Humail has a slightly authoritive way of speaking to a patient. For the first time since the pandemic, tonight's connect group was partly held in Bob and Catharine's home off Bathurst, and partly on line. It took us an hour. Rodel was there already. Bonnie and Diane were on line. I didn't expect the sound to work as well as it did. I can't speak for the onliners, but in Bob's living room we had a good setup for discussion and prayer. In fact we all enjoyed it so much there were suggestions we do it more frequently. We left for home about 9:45, and it wasn't nice driving, battling with cyclists, which changed my feelings about doing this more often. Steve was in good shape at home, having not even soaked his diapers, but I changed them anyway, and put on a clean pair of pyjama trousers.

Wed May 31

Steve had a good day, taking himself regularly to the bathroom, and although he rearraged his bedding often, it was still dry when Allison came next morning. I actually got on with the tax return in the morning. There was a question that was challenging me 'did you have no income in 2022?' It all depended on whether they were just talking about employment income or including interest and rental income etc. So I put the question to ChatGPT, which responded comprehensively and quite definitely that income included all forms of income. I had a Microsoft Teams meeting with staff from Princess Margaret Hospital who were involved with PMHelp.ca. It was a relatively new application and PMH had advertised for feedback from users. I had commented a couple of months ago that the app had some shortcomings. Then I heard from them a few days ago that they would like to ask me about my concerns. During the interview it transpired that I was their first interviewee, which suggests that either they didn't have much response to their appeal, or the app wasn't being used as much as had been hoped. I went over my concerns. In some parts of the application the multichoice questions were only able to accept one answer; too restrictive. My other main issue was that the right hand slider in a particular area would only reveal about 5 of 25 options, and the only way down the page was to use the down arrows. They seemed extremely grateful for my input. The system is currently only in use to two clinics, but the plan is to extend it to all cinics. I saw a very recent post from Bella on her Facebook: 'But I really can't be strong anymore, I am at breaking point.' I responded and asked for details so we could help in any way. It turned out she was grieving her late brother. Her teacher had recommended she make use of the university's counselling service, which would cost R1,300 for a year.

Tue May 30    Med

Shortly after midnight L-A woke me to say that Steve was in trouble. I found him in a tangle with the sheets and blanket, and pretty soaked. One of the diapers had burst and there was a mush of diaper material under his bum. I removed both diapers. I helped him use the teapot. Then I dried him and put on a clean diaper and a fresh shirt. I removed the soaked bed linen. When he was back horizontal, I took the soaked bedclothes down to the wash, and went back to bed. I must have gone down to the washing machine again and moved the bed linen to the dryer, since in the morning when I went down I had clean dry linen. I moved him to sit on the walker while I got busy with his bed. I washed his matress with water/vinegar mixture, and cleaned the floor with the swiffer. I finished drying the matress with a towel, and then replaced the newly washed undersheet and sheet that had come with the bed. I put a waterproof square on the sheets, and then moved him to lie on the bed. He was hungry so I brought his Cheerios into the bedroom for him. Allison arrived about half an hour later and did the stuff I hadn't done. Then I fed him a cooked breakfast. At 11 I had an appointment at Eringate Clinic for my monthly B12 shot, and on my way home I spoke to Nadia at Renforth Pharmacy. She wanted to know if I would be OK paying $60 for the medication prescribed for L-A by Dr Makar for the spots on her legs, and I agreed. The medication will be another 2 days coming. I went home to hear a shout from Laurie-Ann that Steve was in trouble. I went to the bathroom to see shit all over the place. It almost looked like it had been deliberately spread on the bathroom floor, but worse, outside the bathroom door there were more deposits on the carpet including a large turd. The author of the destruction stood in the bathroom poised to spread it further - his idea of a cleanup. I persuaded him to exit the bathroom carefully, and then walk towards his bed. I cleaned shit off his hands, leg and feet before having him lie on the bed. I went to the basement and brought up the mop and metal pan. adding hot water to the pan. I mopped the bathroom floor and it surprisingly all came up. I lifted the deposits from the carpet with a kitchen knife and put them onto a small towel which was already contaminated. Then I rubbed and scrubbed the 7 or 8 patches on the carpet with a new pot scrubber, cleaning it regularly in the pan from the mop. Again I was surprised how easy it was the clean the carpet. But the thing that surprised me most was that throughout the exercise I had not smelt any bad smell, while L-A smelt it from the other end of the house. In fact whenever I have cleaned up Steve's mess there was never (for me) a smell of shit. While my taste and smell sensors have been behaving strangely for months, I believe this to be a TKOG, and am very grateful. Steve was as good as gold for the rest of the day, perhaps to show that his performance earlier was the exception rather than the rule.

Mon May 29

Steve had a good night and only needed to pee when fortuitously Allison was coming in the door. When she had completed her work with him he said he was ready to walk to the kitchen for breakfast, a first since his hospital stay. We went to Dr Silver's offices, and found the one free parking slot for disabled people was available. She went in and I stayed in the car. Afterwards we went to Starbucks. When we got home, I progressed the shaving of Steve. Then I helped him pee into the teapot. Next I put her red chair on the porch now the weather is generally warm. Then I brought in the blue urinal from the trunk of the car and will see if it works any better for Steve than the teapot. Mella told us that she had been approached by Chantelle for support with her mailbox club. In addition to a verbal response I gave her coordinates for Gerhart Strydom. It would be mighty fine if Chantelle is supported sufficiently for weekly mailbox clubs. We watched a really excellent movie, Official Secrets, which suggests the Iraq war might have been stopped were it not for lies in high places hiding behind the Official Secrets act. Last thing at night I debated with myself whether to raise Steve's bed guard so he couldn't fall out, or leave it down so he could get to the bathroom. Today he had shown himself capable of going to the bathroom and returning to bed. I decided to raise the bed guard.

Sun May 28

Shortly after I gave Steve his two Tylenol, he said he needed to pee, so I helped him with the teapot. Ideally he would be able to hold it in a little longer until his legs would be less painful. I didn't attend church in the flesh, feeling strangely unsettled. In the afternoon I sent Bella her next transfer from XE, and then sent Elizabeth Gliem $US160 for Rui Vasco. This is a lot of money and I made it clear it wasn't the start of a regular support plan. Added to the $US 20 I had sent yesterday, it is the equivalent of 11,385 Mozambican Mets. In the past he had difficulty finding a friend with a bank account or Paypal who wouldn't cream off a portion of any funds I sent Rui. We were surprized and pleased when Steve joined us under his own steam just as we turned on a movie. His mobility seems to be increasing daily.

Sat May 27

I got up at my 7:30 alarm. Steve hadn't moved in the night. I gave him 2 Tylenols instead of the one he has been having, and then left him for them to take effect. About 8:15 a new PSW, Beverly, arrived and I started by giving her the recent background. When she go to work to move him to where she could wash him on the bed, it was clear he was a lot more mobile than he had been at midnight. Also, he wasn't as wet as previous mornings; the double diapers had been effective. When she was done he walked into the living room with his walker and I sat him on the couch and got him cereal, toast and coffee. He fell asleep holding the coffee and some of it soaked his shirt and the couch. I fed L-A her breakfast; she was up early because of a lady's tea party at church. All this time I was aware John could turn up to assemble the hospital bed, and I was grateful Beverly had come early. Steve decided he wanted to return to bed, and then I took L-A to CTF. I picked her up about 1 pm and she had had a great time with the ladies; scones, hot drinks and a talk from Lilian Brown. As we got home we saw that John and family had arrived, and he was already engaged in assembling the hospital bed. Tara had got Steve out of bed and into the kitchen and given him a snack, and I gave him soup. Kennedy was her dad's constant companion with the construction, probably learning a bunch of engineering common sense. L-A had eaten with the ladies, so I had some lunch. As John (and Kennedy) worked on with the bed, Tara entertained us with political understories. It took them till about 4 pm when Kennedy came out to tell me it was ready for my training course. Then took place the best conversation I've had with John in a long while, possibly ever, which I'm grateful for, as he demonstrated the pump which keeps the air bed at the right pressure, and the controller which will allow me and the PSWs to raise and lower the bed, or just the head or foot of the bed for maximum comfort. It was far better than I had expected and had every indication of being brand new. As I write this, Steve hasn't seen it yet, and I am trying to devise a way to capture the moment. He is not one to express surprise or wonder, but this might at least elicit a smile. Assembling the bed was no small feat, and demonstrates one more of John's many talents. John plans to return before next garbage day to put the old bed out on the street for collection by the city. When John and Tara had left in their cars, L-A and I went for a sleep, from which I have just arisen, feeling energised again. When Steve did see the bed for the first time it was somewhat underwhelming with no surprise or reaction, but he smiled for the camera, which is better than nothing. When he was settled on it, and I had demonstrated some of its capabilities, I celebrated with a Bushmills. Rui Vasco has been begging me for a week for money to pay his kids medical bills, and gave me the name of an Iris Missionary, Elizabeth Gliem, with a Paypal account. I sent $US20 to Elisabeth, and then emailed her. She was full of praise for Rui. who is a security guard for her. The $20 got through.

Fri May 26    Med

I felt very good today on the wellness index: (7). Maybe the benefits of the hydration therapy have really made themselves felt. The extraordinary thing is that today my taste buds are behaving, I am ready to tackle tasks I have been avoiding, I enjoy music more, including music I previously didn't particuarly choose to listen to, my appetite is great, I love my wife more (if that's possible), and I am more skilled at getting her father Steve off the floor when he falls. I was able to get Steve back on his bed when he had fallen half way through his door. I finally responded to the FICA organization in South Africa who basically froze my FNB account while they investigated me for money laundering. or something of that nature. They sent me forms to complete on 19 May, and today I completed the forms and sent them back by email. I told them I expect a pretty huge apology when they find their accusations were groundless. Readers of this journal will know that I circumvented the problem by sending money direct to Bella's account, and this will be our method going forward. After feeding Steve his lunch, I asked him to sign cheques totalling $676 for his recent ambulance ride and food. I am concerned that eventually he won't be able to sign his name, but today he managed it. I continued my current correspondence with John and Tara by saying I sensed we were making progress with Steve, and that having him readmitted to hospital could make things worse, since what he needs now is more strength in his legs. This afternoon he actually got up and went into the bathroom to pee, and returned to bed, for the first time since hospital. We watched the final episode of Series 1 of The Diplomat on Netflix; this show is terrific once you get your head around all diplomats and senior politicians communicating like sailors with F-bombs. About 11:30 L-A woke me to say Steve was on the floor. He had been trying to return to his room but couldn't make it past his door. With difficulty I pulled and guided him towards his bed but his legs and arms were useless. Eventually I got him onto the bed with his legs on the walker, a stable position. This episode was very worrisome since I felt he had been making progress. Then the idea came to my mind (TKOG) that such apparent paralysis could also present itself through a lack of painkillers. He was only taking one Tylenol Extra Strength first thing in the morning and that was it. I am taking 6 Tylenols a day and if I miss one I notice it. How foolish to have him taken to hospital for the want of over-the-counter painkillers.

Thu May 25    Med

Mid morning I wrote this report to Tara: ' Yesterday afternoon he showed signs of losing strength in his legs. Sometimes this can be countered with Tylenol, but it seemed less effective. When he can't get himself to the toilet, there is big increase in urine-soaked clothes and bed linen. Last evening I got him onto the bed with some difficulty and he slept through most of the night. But around 6:15 am I suspect he tried to get out of bed, and when I saw him at 6:30 he was kneeling before the bed and his bedclothes were absolutely soaked. I waited for Allison's opinion when she came about 8:30. She cleaned him up in the bed. But if she can't get him for a proper shower we have a problem. If he doesn't improve the next steps would either be to call an ambulance, or get him to long-term care. I am not sure of details of your plans for long term care, or if he is on a waiting list or how long before he could move in there. If he does improve and is able to continue at home, Allison is adamant that the new hospital bed is urgent, with his decreased mobility. If John can't do that maybe we should call in a handyman. But John said he had put part of the bed downstairs, and I can't find it. We propose calling an ambulance tomorrow Friday, depending on the next 18 hours. The loss of strength came on quite fast yesterday, and should be confirmed (or not) by then. He has taken a few falls recently and is getting pain in one of his arms that is quite severe and adds to the difficulty of getting him up off the floor, which normally I am able to do. Despite his difficulties he has been fully co-operative and shown no anti-social behaviour! Bless him.'
I started the day with a wellness factor of about 6, perhaps good effects of the hydration. Shortly after my breakfast I felt the pangs of constipation and for the next couple of hours was in great discomfort, and unable to do anything useful. I had taken Clearlax in the night but should have taken it yesterday morning. Today I had a second dose, and eventually it had the desired effect. By late afternoon Steve really needed a dry diaper, so having turned down a second PSW visit, I did it. It wasn't too hard. I took Steve breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed on the table John had brought. The best thing that happened today was that Dr Makar called Laurie-Ann in response to the email we had sent her on 22 May about L-A's spots on her legs, with a photo, and prescribed a cream. We have never had a doctor before who would communicate by email to the extent of making a prescription. What a difference a pandemic makes. From 2 - 4:30 pm we watched the online version of Alpha's Leadership Conference 23 filmed at the Albert Hall, finding it inspiring, motivating and full of wonderful teaching around the theme of Christian leadership. The impressive speakers included Anthony Tan and Danielle Strickland.

Wed May 24    Med

The hydration had caused me to pee a lot the last three nights, and last night I ran into Steve in the bathroom twice. He was trying to pee, and having difficulty. I now don't think this is the same prostate problem as I am having, because he has no problem soaking his clothes and bed linnen with urine. He had a very wet diaper on, but not enough strength in his legs to change it. So I decided to get him back in bed, despite the damp, and hopefully recover some energy by the morning. Allison came quite early, before I had given him his morning Tylenol, and she also had difficulty getting him to move around, but she did clean him up and dry him out in the bed. For this reason I served him (cooked) breakfast in bed, and then encouraged him to stay there for a while, recovering energy. I had a follow-up appointment with Dr John Morrell who had got my prostate sorted out. He checked my urine, then carried out an ultrasound on my bladder, and presumably all was well. He said I should continue on two Flowmax a day, and return to Dutasteride, for the long term. No side effects other than in some people a loss of sexual performance. I took the liberty to ask him about Steve, and he cautiously offerred that putting him on the same dosage as I with both drugs could be beneficial, and that it was not unknown for a patient with incontinence also to have difficulty peeing. He said he'd like to see me again late in the year, and I booked 6 Dec at 11:15 with Sylvana. I called Ruth, the co-ordinator at CBI, which supplies the PSWs, and told her that despite the hospital's recommendation, we didn't think having two PSW visits a day was warranted. He didn't need two showers. I bribed Steve to come into the kitchen for lunch with the promise of some chocolate cake I had bought this morning at Loblaws. He came, unsteadily, ate lunch and loved the cake. He slept the rest of the afternoon, but was able to join us in the kitchen for the last of the cacciatore, and then returned to bed.

Tue May 23    Med

I woke with We on my mind, and when I was dressed turned on my computer was relieved to see Maureen had just sent out a message: Hi Neesa, Dianne and Tony, Phil is making slow but good progress. The C Difficile infection seems to be under control. He is still very weak and unable to walk on his own. The collarbone is still painful. He tires easily. The doctors are aiming for him to be transferred to the Rehabilitation section soon. He would be there for about 2 weeks, possibly more. He is enjoying a visit from Lynn and Lisa today. I wrote them a status report, but my motivation was to express relief for Phil and Maureen. Laurie-Ann went by Uber to a dental cleaning for 3 pm because that was the time my third and final hydration was due to start. Today's nurse, Maria, arrived about 2:40 and soon had me up ship-shape, showed me how to un-hook myself and answered my questions well. Soon the pump was pumping and I was receiving, and she'd gone. I was able to use the computer easily enough while hooked up, and discovered a series of early Frank Sinatra compilations on Spotify: The Columbia Years. This was very similar to Sinatra Plus, which I had bought in ~1964 for the HMS Collingwood record library (along with Beatles For Sale). That is my favourite Sinatra era, but somehow the recording I had on Tape A4 had not survived the great digitisation. It'll be back there soon, together with Ketty Lester - Love Letters. As a relaxation therapy to compensate for caregiving and other duties, I love doing this, particularly when the house is quiet. I also added a resource: 'A guide for parents on how to introduce Christianity to their children' to the 'Other links' page on the Good News Christian Ministries site. It was sent me by a lady called Mary.Williams@homeschoolaide.com, but my initial response to her about the article was somewhat critical: I said, 'I would like to comment on the reasons given for introducing Christianity to children. You are missing the #1 reason: Christianity is the history of the universe, the plan unveiled by God for his creation, and the sacrifice of the life of Jesus in atonement for sin, without which we can never hope for everlasting life as promised in the Bible. Our time on earth is just the introduction to life eternal. (or words to that effect. The way it reads at present is a list of philosophical principles, that could apply to many religions or even atheism). I had some difficulty editing the GNCM page until I remembered it was a Weebly project, and I was then able to figure out how to edit it. The hydration pump stopped about 6:45, and I carefully disconnected my arm from the very thin plastic tube that had been in my vein three days. Now I was free, and able to heat up dinner without encumbrances.

Mon May 22

A small miracle when I got up and brought Steve his morning pill (Tylenol): there were small leaves on the little tree outside his window. I had almost given up on it. All that work getting hoses and watering it had paid off, with a little help from the Creator. While on a high I emailed Dr. Makar with a photo of Laurie-Ann's leg spots and asked if she could help, mentioning that for L-A to come into the surgery and get up on one of her beds for examination could well be impossible. I also authoriized her to find us a private specialist who could advise on L-A's fatty liver disease. I wasn't really confident of a response since doctors don't generally like email.
My fear that I might rip the insertion kit out of my arm in the night proved unfounded. L-A didn't wake me at my 6:30 alarm and instead at 7:30 my phone rang. Fortuitously it hadn't needed charging last light and was on my bedside table. It was Fatima, my nurse for today on hydration. She asked when would be good times for me, and I said 9:30 or 2. She had other people to fit in and wasn't sure if she could make it for those times. I got up, and as I left the bathroom, Shirley, Steve's PSW for today arrived. That worked out well because I had his (not cooked) breakfast ready by the time she finished. Fatima arrived as he finished breakfast. She looked at the pump with its display and immediately realised something that Loveline hadn't explained: the hydration following the one which ended at 7 last night couldn't begin before 3 pm today. There had to be a certain interval between hydrations. There was now a choice needed. She could turn off the pump and instruct me how to turn it on for 3, or she could leave it on and all I would have to do before 3 was loosen a plastic clip so the fluid could flow. When she then said I would need to key in a code if we went with choice 1, I opted for choice 2 to reduce the chance of anything going wrong. But it meant I would carry the pump around with me for the next 7 hours. It would be a different kind of day. Bella responded to my request for her financial needs over the next 6 weeks in addition to her weekly allowances: July's rent, various school stuff, and a practical exercise where she would teach stuff she had learned to a live audience. I told her that it was inneficient to send small amounts, and I would rather send amounts between R4,000 and R5,000. Then I sent her R4,260 ($310) listing what it should cover, which included 6 allowances. This system can work well for both of us if Bella is as well organized as I believe her to be. I managed to feed the three of us lunch carrying around the bag. The pump was due to switch itself on about 3 pm, and at 2 minutes to 3 I loosened the plastic clip to allow the fluid through the pipes into my vein. The pump started, but I couldn't be sure the fluid was actually entering the arm. I was too influenced by the behavious of small bubbles in the pipework, which were leaving the pump, but didn't appear to be reaching the vein. So after half an hour in my ultra caution, I phoned Home Services, who managed to get Fatima to call me back. She asked if the top left indicator on the pump screen were counting down, which it was, which told her that all was well. I now think the bubbles were being absorbed into the fluid under the pressure of the pump. All was well, as was clearly demonstrated an hour later when I checked the bottle and it was almost half empty. Meantime, Laurie-Ann had handled almost all the preparation of our evening meal which I would normally have been available to her for fetching and carrying, etc. The hydration pump stopped at 7, and I naively thought our problems were over. But firstly, I couldn't unscrew the connector for the plastic tube to the insertion kit in my arm, and secondly the pump started beeping and I couldn't stop it! Should I seek help from Home Care, or should we have dinner? We did the latter, enjoying cacciatore from the dutch oven while I had the beeping pump and bag over my shoulder. When I finished mine, I phoned Home Care and told them of our predicament and they said they would have Fatima call me back. I wasn't too confident this would happen at 8:30 on Victoria Day, and continued trying to solve the problem myself. The connector for the plastic tube wasn't giving up, but when I tried the other end of the connector, it came apart, allowing me freedom to move around without the bag. This was important because I would be able to sleep tonight. As for the everlasting beep, I decided to just let it continue in the living room while we slept in the bedroom, and did the washing up before retiring. About 10 pm Home Care rang. I gave them the good news that I was no more tethered to the bag, and they told me how to switch off the unit. No more beeps!

Sun May 21

I didn't finish admin work till 12:30, 2 hours after L-A retired. I slept till about 2, then felt like a cup of tea. I added raisin bread with blackcurrent jam, and almost as an afterthought, a tot of the Glenlivet that had awaited us when we returned from Collingwood. As I went to sit on the couch I glanced at my package of chats with Jesus, and instantly, like a message back from him, the idea came to my mind to send a message to John and Tara thanking them for the Glenlivet. What I really wanted was to begin a dialogue with him, however brief, to mend fences. Maybe that will come. Around 3:30 I returned to bed and my 6:30 alarm for meds. So I didn't get much sleep last night but my wellness remained around 5/10, and at 7:30 I got up and dressed. I gave Steve his morning pill, but then he decided to get up. and fell with a bang on his floor - a bang I heard from the kitchen. I was able to guide him to get back on the bed, and then to help him change his soaked trousers and diaper. I prepared a cooked breakfast for Steve and me, and L-A's usual. L-A decided she wasn't coming to church because we didn't know when the PSW was coming, but I went to see Marc Dupont again. I got home in good time to serve Steve and L-A their lunch, and clear up, before Loveline arrived to set up my hydration. She had only two insertion kits and her plan, if she failed with both of them, was to send me off to emergency at Etobicoke General Hospital and have them do the insertion. I refused, not wishing to wait several hours as a non-urgent patient, and said we should instead delay the hydration until she had enough insertion kits. Anyway, it turned out that she had been praying, as I had, that all would be well. I had arranged her a power supply so I could be on the couch with her in front of me on a chair, and whether this was the reason, or the prayer, she managed it first time. She was so relieved. Soon she had me all connected up. Without an overhead contraption to hang the saline from, the kit included a pump to force the saline into my vein. It turned out the pump had fully charged batteries in it, so the power source wasn't necessary, and I was able to get around, for example, to type this. We watched an episode of 'Diplomat.' While all this was going on, Joko (?), a Nigerian PSW who hadn't been here before, turned up and I briefed her from the couch about Steve, and she managed OK. Also Tara and Kennedy turned up, mainly to collect Kennedy's iPad, and we three had a good chat. She mentioned that John had had a good laugh from my 3 am. message, which wasn't my intention for it at all. L-A asked when he might be able to set up Steve's hospital bed, and she said possibly next weekend. Let's hope so. The pump stopped about 7, signalling the end of hydration. It had made me quite tired. I was able to disconnect myself and place a sleeve over the insertion kit so it wouldn't snag. Four hours of hydration creates challenges, but I had managed them by being careful. Now I needed to serve up the dinner, and my main problem was fatigue from the hydration. I had looked forward to the second half of my Yorkshire pudding and roast beef, and it was just as good as I hoped. But I didn't have room for it all so I now have lunch for tomorrow. I went to bed quite early.

Sat May 20    Med

Bella messaged to say that her money had come through. This was, and is, huge, because from now on we will be able to send her cash direct to her account, as as I now know, within a day if I pay a $10 fee to use my mastercard. So I sent her a further R1,010 to cover the balance of her rent and the allowance that had been due on 18th. Nothing could dent my day now, and amoung other tasks I would get on with proving my FNB account was not being used for money laundering.
I sent an early message to Tara:
'Hi Tara Your dad slept through the night, which was a pleasant surprise. It's now 10 am. L-A is in touch with the psw organization and we expect them today at least once. He's not quite ready to stand on his own with the walker, but I think that will come during the morning. Meantime his green hospital diaper is there for him and I can't smell any No. 2. Laurie-Ann wisely had the ambulance bring him home with a couple of Pakistani drivers who did way more than I could have done at 9:30 pm (and after chemo that day). It would have been impossible for him to walk from the driveway up the steps to the house with just my help. She paid the $175 on her card and I'll get a cheque from him for it. When they had gone and he was lying on his bed and I asked if there was anything he would like, he asked for an OhHenry, and enjoyed it. He has communicated normally during this time and this morning. My relationship with him is very good. Yesterday his hospital doctor Dr Bell called me. (see 18 May Journal)
So he's not on his deathbed, but may be near to going to a nursing home. I think his problem at the moment with standing and walking is he hasn't done much of it this past week in hospital, and I believe I'll have him moving around today with walker or walking stick, and I will let you know. If he can manage these things, we can get back to the status quo here, and are happy to do that. I have been watering the little tree and the hydrangea.'
Listened to Canadian Spaces, which mentioned a local band CA & Sonny doing a tribute to local musician and promoter Howie Hooper, who died 2 years ago. Before he died of cancer, he recorded some songs on Soundcloud, which I checked out. He reminded me of William Hawkins (ie my favourite sub-genre of folk music). I have made a recording of the songs on Soundcloud, which is called Howie Hooper's last act. Most are in excellent sound quality, though some were recorded on his phone in mono with poor stereo image.
We had heard from Allison who will be here around 2 for Steve. She was, and when she tried to get him on his feet to walk to the bathroom he miraculously stood up and did so like the last time he had done it. She soon had him shipshape and clean. He had slept a long time today without mishap beyond a soaked geen hospital doaper - and that was by design. He has been as good as gold, communicating and cooperating. Before supper I shaved off most of his beard and will remove the rest and the moustache when time permits. He enjoyed the process, and was rewarded with delivery cottage pie which he finished with gusto. I am very grateful for his progress today. I am having intravenous hydration 4 hours a day for the next 3 days with a nurse coming to the house. This is in association with chemo.  She came today but failed to find the right vein after 4 attempts by when she'd run out of insertion kits. No blood was flowing, but my ticker was still tocking so she rightfully realized the problem was at her end.  I felt very badly for her but after hearing that it was a four-hour stint I was quite happy about it all;  it didn't interrupt our dinner.   I have felt good today - quite high on a wellness index, with an appetite. So although it's been busy I have enjoyed it. And I did get $94 back from Shoppers for Feramax now that I am comfortable with CanPrev Bis-Glycinate 25. There's a story there. I first took the Feramax back to George at Renforth IDA and asked them for my money back, and even though the slip was clearly a Shoppers slip, they paid up! Maybe I am such a good customer. Anyway I gave them the $94, and collected same from Shoppers 10 minutes later.

Fri May 19    Med   4th chemo infusion.

Wellness about 4/10 as I got up, not expecting any appointments today, and thinking we would have Steve home sometime tomorrow, or even after the long weekend. After breakfast I went shopping and the hospital started calling L-A. They were ready for him to come home today, but not till 9:30 pm! PMH Chemo unit called me and said they'd expected me for chemo at 9 am. I later checked the PMH portal again and a 'changed appointment' notice was sent out at 10:51 this morning giving me a 9:00 appointment! It also stated it was an appointment change, but didn't state the day of the original appointment (9 June). This is an improvement I would like to see in the portal, and I think I have even suggested it. So I got in the car, on my way to the hospital, getting there about noon, and being called for chemo by about 1:15, which was good because at noon I had taken the anti-side-effect meds I had needed one hour before chemo. While in the chair I checked my text messages, L-A confirming Steve would be brought home by ambulance, so I was off the hook. On the way home I bought from Loblaws various salad dishes for our dinner, some which were rather definitely 'me;' Melton Moybray pork pies, and chicken vindaloo portions. I went to church for a special service featuring Marc Dupont, who we had last seen at Citychurch, Ottawa in ~2002. He did not disappoint. He covered off quite well the reasons why many prophets got things wrong over Y2K, and then with the pandemic. At the end I went with many others to the front to be prayed for to re-invigorate my spiritual passion. When he called individuals with certain medical conditions for prayer, I hoped he might say there was someone with mesothelioma, but I was not to be favoured. Laurie-Ann had indeed wisely had the ambulance bring Steve home, with a couple of Pakistani drivers who did way more than I could have done at 9:30 pm (and after chemo that day). It would have been impossible for him to walk from the driveway up the steps to the house with just my help. She paid the $175 on her card and I'll get a cheque from him for it. When they had gone and he was lying on his bed and I asked if there was anything he would like, he asked for an OhHenry, and enjoyed it. He has communicated normally during this time and this morning. My relationship with him is very good. We enjoyed the salad dinner, except the pork pies were disappointing. Steve slept through it all.

Thu May 18    Med

Bath day, and I didn't rush. I got dressed and went into the living room and sat down and waited for some level of wellbeing to invade my body, like yesterday. I didn't feel like breakfast, and when I had a clementine it had no taste. I got onto the computer and worked on yesterday's journal, and that gave me a little wellbeing. I called Solutions Banking, and queried my Mastercard balance of $2267.26, but the agent convinced me that all was well. I paid. I had used mastercard as the source of $359.46 (R5,000) sent to Bella by XE, which will soon be on its way back to me. I checked PayPal and my bank statement and am confident M-A's loan of $US 6250 has gone through. Bella messaged L-A to say the had downloaded the Sikhona app and registered on Sikhona. With everything therefore in place for a repeat of the earlier wire transfer, I went to XE and attempted the transfer to Bella, but near the end when they presented me with a French 2-stage verification requirement on my mastercard, I lost the screen which required the verification numbers. Dr Bell called from the Trillium Hospital and gave me a pretty full report of Steve's condition, all good news. Yes, he has advanced dementia. He had a urine infection which has been treated successfully with an anti-biotic. She doesn't think he has ever had a seizure. All other tests they ran have proved negative. His geriatrician there is Dr. Joshi Cura, and his social worker is Amina. It is she who can bring in hospice care when it becomes necessary, which is not yet. In the afternoon I slept till woken by the 5pm meds alarm, and my wellbeing index was about 4, having been 2 earlier in the day. We both had tea. I tried again to send Bella's transfer, and perhaps being at a higher wellbeing index, it all went through including the French verification of Mastercard. We watched 'Diplomat' before supper so as not to conflict with connect group. Connect Group was good, including an ex-Ukrainian missionary to Turkey, Dimitri.

Wed May 17    Med

Messages from both XE Money Transfer and Sikhona confirmed the that the money I had sent to Bella's Capitec account was being sent back (a) because Sikhona was using her old email address, and (b) Bella hadn't registered on Sikhona. I went to PMH for blood collection, followed by a meeting with Dr Faour. I was happy to tell her I was feeling better than for the last few days, but wasn't sure if it was from the iron supplementation, or any other possible change. She had seen the report from Dr Kujawa, and we all agreed that getting back to chemo should be the next thing on my agenda. She was concerned I wasn't drinking enough water (I'm not) and said she would arrange for a nurse to visit for a few days after the chemo to give me hydration. As I left the clinic, I could hear jazz. It was the Wednesday concert, so I went and listened for about 45 minutes to some enjoyable tunes from a trio with piano, bass and guitar. I went home the same way I had come, using the elevator at Queen's Park station rather than the less reliable escalator. I hadn't felt like eating at the hospital, and arrived back at Kipling feeling a little hungry, but not wanting to eat anything - except pizza. There was still some left from last night, but not enough so I bought a couple of slices from Pizza Nova, which, added to what we had made a good lunch for us both. Before re-sending money to Bella, I wanted to make sure we had all our ducks in a row. L-A asked for her phone number and that was different from what I had used when I set her up as a recipient of money on XE. I resent my message to her asking her to register on Sikhona, and also asking her to confirm with Capitec that her bank account is in good order, because I cannot send to it from my FNB account. The fact that Steve wasn't around didn't stop L-A making a nourishing and filling chicken dish for dinner. So far I have never lost my appetite for her dinners. After supper I took her to the church to join a well-attended talk on discernment by April Stevenson, who L-A knew from her past. In her absence I got some good computer work done, including editing Bella's details as a recipient of XE funds. I went to pick her up about 9:15, still feeling pretty good as I had all day.

Tue May 16    Med

I emailed Bella asking her to download the Sikhona app onto her phone and then register. Dr Kujawa called me on a Teams link. I hadn't realised that she was part of the Race Clinic, which specialises in pleural effusions. Dr Bradbury had asked her to advise on whether my recent chest X-Rays suggested another drainage would be beneficial. She didn't, even if she were successful in sucking out any significant fluid. She thought it more important to get back on chemo. I visited Steve again in the Trillium hosital. I had dreamed last night about how I would bring him home, and as I walked in today I saw the answer: a bunch of wheel chairs that live near the entrance across the road from the car park. He was in the same good spirits as on Saturday, and we had friendly and easy conversation. I showed him a short video L-A had made on my phone, which went down well. I told him I had phoned his nurse, and that his doctor, Dr Bell, would call me back. He didn't remember much about a fall her had had; there was a notice on his board about an X-Ray post fall, so one assumed there were no ill effects. Some of my day was spent on the income tax return, and I realized I hadn't received any tax slips, so I messaged Carlos, who told me I can get them myself from the 'Tax Centre.'

Mon May 15    Med

I weigh 130 Lb, or 59 Kg today. Pretty steady for more than a month. I called Canadian Tire and apologized for forgetting my appointment yesterday. They said I could bring in the car any time today! So, much relieved, I got our breakfasts. I have plenty to do here and I didn't fancy spending several hours in their waiting room, so once the car was booked in I called Beck Taxis, and they brought me home for ~$20. When we went on holiday I took a stack of paperwork I was vaguely working on, but of course didn't get round to any of it so it came back with us, the only differences being it was all now in one one pile. Today I was determined to go through it, throw some out, and leave the rest in a more accessible state. I also went through emails, including this from Maureen:
'The medical saga continues for Phil. He has not been well for a few months as he told you. Unfortunately on May 3 he fell hard on a sidewalk and broke his collarbone. He has been in hospital for 10 days. He has C Difficile colitis, an inflamed colon caused by infection. He’s on an oral antibiotic for 14 days. Once he is medically stable they will focus on physiotherapy and transfer him to the Rehabilitation floor. Prior to the fall he was having a lot of difficulty walking. We thought it was because of his groin infection and sore skin. But he must have had C Difficile as well. He had been through many tests the week before but it took time to get the results. His shoulder is very painful still. He can’t stand or walk yet and has his left arm in a sling. He’s on an air bed which helps his comfort level. He’s very tired and not eating well. He was confused the first few days but the delirium has improved a lot.'
This is the worst medical news I have ever heard about my brother and I am extremely concerned. I replied to Maureen enquiring whether he was well enough to receive a phone call, and she said the C Difficile is so infectious they won't let him use a phone. I sent the second half of the second loan to M-A, and for once PayPal seemed to have behaved. I took an extra Bis-Glycinate 25 with my 5pm medications, making it 300% of the suggested daily dose, and I have felt extra energy this evening.

Sun May 14    Med

Since our holiday, I have felt weak and lacking in desire to get tasks completed. Today I returned to CanPrev Iron - Bis-Glycinate 25. I survived the day but it's hard to tell if that was the reason. We still have the blue suitcase on the couch waiting to be completely emptied. Finding places to put the contents of the two cases and the Metro boxes has been a mental struggle. I didn't attend church this morning because of feeling like this. Behind everything is the spectre of our income tax. M-A has commented that we urgently need to contact a hospice for help because he could go downhill fast at any time. But we haven't really liaised with Tara since we returned. Today Tara confirmed that we sould do this, but she didn't have the name of the gereatrician who had called her, so I will take the helm on this one.

Sat May 13

At my breakfast, having just put boiling water on the coffee in the filter, I carelessly turned round without checking the proximity of the coffee to my left hand, and the coffee went flying, much hitting the back of my hand. I yelled in pain, getting some relief from cold water. L-A brought me some aloe vera ointment, which I put on the hand. It probably helped with long term healing, but for a few hours I was in significant pain. In the afternoon I visited Steve in the Trillium Health Partners Mississauga Hospital. He looked calm and well as I entered his room. He was clearly being looked after well, and there was no suggestion that he was desperate to come home. His vascular dementia is between levels 5 and 6, 7 being the maximum when full time care from specialists will be essential. I had brought him a bag of clothes and shoes. We spent about 30 minutes together in logical conversation.

Fri May 12

The return trip home was no less hard work for me than our arrival a week before. I managed to get our two suitcases and Metro boxes through the tortuous doors of Club Cranberry by about 10:30 am. After dropping off our keys, we bought two cranberry lemon scones from a very attractive nearby bakery, and then got on our way. We decided to detour to the Millenium Park, containing the Port of Collingwood, and the former shipyard which had played a part in both world wars constructing naval vessels both for the RCN and the RN, and back at least as far as 1840. We think we even spotted the dry dock, one of the only relics left as it was when the rest of the shipyard was ploughed over. We searched for a restaurant on our way home, but didn't find one until IHOP in Brampton. We were finally home by 4.

Thu May 11

I got up early so as to increase my chance of communicating with FNB in South Africa before their closing time. I had problems reaching them on Skype on my computer even though their number had rung yesterday. With help from L-A I was able to Skype them from her computer, but after about 10 minutes the call timed out. It was clear we should investigate alternative methods of getting money to Bella. I think it was L-A who suggested we use an XE Money Transfer direct to her bank account (instead of via my FNB account). So I added her details as a recipient and sent R5,000. Very soon we had feedback from XE to say that as a new receiver of cash from abroad, she should expect contact from Sikhoma, We drove out to Sunset Point Park and parked near the beach, walking to the shore line. L-A wore her new yellow sweater for the first time. She had her red chair and I had the canvas chair we had bought for Mozambique. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon. There were three kids from a family enjoying themselves on the rocks. Driving back into town we visited the old railway station which had been turned into a museum. We went on to Starbucks for coffee and light eats, and then on to the Galaxy cinema to see Are you there God, it's me, Margaret?.

Wed May 10

I got up to a shock in the form of an email from Sikhona in SA to say that they had placed a hold on my recent R5,000 transfer from Simplii because they had received a notification from FNB to say that my account there is not FICA compliant. I immediately replied to Sikhona expressing great surprize that my account would suddenly become non-compliant, and explaining that we use the account purely to support Bella with her university fees, rent, and medical bills. I prayed they might take pity on us once they saw some details of Bella's situation. They replied an hour later, in a more conciliatry tone, but I still have to contact FNB. I called them and it rang, but I suspect the agents had all gone home. Unless we get this sorted, Bella won't be able to pay her June rent. Steve was having another bad day, peeing freely, and according to Allison, dragging his leg so she was unable to get him into the shower. We decided to have a quiet day in the unit, and L-A went for a few hours sleep. I had soup at lunch time. In the afternoon I relaxed on the balcony listening to Steely Dan and the Beatles, and getting soup for L-A about 4 pm. At 7 we cooked paella. At about 8:30 I received the second shock phone call of the day: a nurse from the Trillium hospital wanted to ask about Steve's condition before he was brought in by ambulance. We knew nothing of this development, and she had my number as caregiver. We gave her Tara's number. It turned out she had left him in the during room while she went downstairs for a Zoom call, and he had had a TIA, and when she went upstairs he was slumped over his chair and non-responsive. Se called the ambulance. The situation by evening was that his brain scan was normal but his heartbeat wasn't. He is likely to stay in overnight. In fact her stayed several nights in the cardiac unit.

Tue May 9    Med

I got up at a reasonable time, had breakfast, and took my new iron pills. L-A had an appointment for a facial in a beauty parlour called Pamper Me Spa, and while she was in I walked, somewhat shakily, to Rexall to buy more Tylenol Extra Strength. I took a photo of a mural of a ship, almost certainly built in Collingwood, where warships had been built at least as far back as 1841. L-A looked very fine after her facial, and we went for lunch at The Huron Club. I had lamb shank and she had Thai curry salmon. My appetite is very poor, so if I see something that I might really like - such as lamb shank - I go for it. When we got home I took a rest. I had felt pretty weak all day. John Whelan and Rick Beato (among others) have been discussing AI generated music, and I found a playlist on Spotify by that title. John has posted some Beatles examples on The News on the Ottawa Beatles Site. After sampling the Spotify playlist of unfamiliar tunes, I thought the Paul McCartney numbers were the best I have yet heard, particularly 'Midnight Caller,' so I downloaded them in case they are deleted.

Mon May 8    Med

I had my meds at 6:30, and by 7:15 had more of an urge to get up than to stay in bed. But when I did I was hit by a wave of fatigue. My gut told me I was very low on iron, since I'd stopped taking Feramax 2 days before, replacing it with Pharmanex Iron. I still have two Feramax capsules which I am keeping for the return journey. What I need now is some chelated iron to give me a similar result to Feramax, which is not chelated. I know there are products out there, from checking Amazon. So I called a local health store, which had no chelated iron. L-A heard the call and - much to my surprize - said she had some CanPrev Iron - Bis-Glycinate 25. The ingredient is Ferrous bis-glycinate chelate. The dose is one capsule per day, so I took two. I think I started feeling the effect within an hour, and for the rest of the day I felt as I would have done on Feramax. Success?! We drove east to Thornbury, and to the cider factory. Interestingly they also make craft beer and wine. We examined our options for tasting; L-A chose cider and I chose beer, and we both found examples we really liked. So after the tasting we went into the 'General Store' and picked up what we wanted to buy. Next stop was the Corner Cafe, just up the street, but it turned out to be closed on Mondays, so we walked a little further to the Ashanti coffee outlet - coffee from Zimbabwe, and one of only two outlets in Canada. We each had coffees and shared a large scone, and brought home with us a large bag of medium ground coffee. Across the street I found a postcard with local interest to send to Kennedy. It was lunchtime so we drove a short distance to The Mill restaurant, a delightful place, and great food. I had baked brie with various sauces, and L-A had fish tacos. We drove back to Collingwood. I had addresses for three electronic stores, but the first two no longer existed. But The Source had what I was looking for: a replacement audio cable which might allow us to listen to the Leak speaker. Next stop: home, and a rest. When I got up I checked out the audio cable, and was thrilled when I heard music. My diagnosis of the problem had been based on the most likely culprit. For dinner we had haddock and vegetables.

Sun May 7

We both deliberately slept in till 9, though I had woken several times in the early morning. We had porridge for breakfast. I posted today's 'Good News in the Morning,' featuring Brent Russett's return, and updated the site accordingly. Then I emailed the remnant of GNiTM preachers and ex-board members to tell them Brent was back. We tuned in to Catch the Fire for the 11:15 service on separate devices since I had forgotten to bring an HDMI cable, and even if I hadn't it would have been tricky plugging it in to the TV. After lunching on the rest of last night's curry, I drove to Metro to pick up the order L-A had made. It was pouring with rain there and I hadn't brought a coat, but I picked up our order without difficulty and added a couple of other items. I used a house trolly to get the boxes, and our two water bottles, up to our room. We were both tired and slept in the afternoon, not waking till 7. I managed to persuade L-A not to start cooking a fish dinner at that time. I certainly wouldn't have been able to do it justice, so I was relieved when she said she just needed tea, toast and berries. I checked my email till 9:30, gratified to see several warm messages welcoming Brent Russett's return, and retired at 10. I wanted to get back into a similar daily routine as we had at Alanmeade, and set my first alarm for 6:30 for meds.

Sat May 6

I awoke a few times with the idea in my head to watch some of King Charles III's coronation live. But it wasn't till 9 am that I actually got out of bed and turned on CBC, to hear the host say this was a good time for Canadians to be tuning in. This was shortly before the appearance of Charles and Camilla plus families and pages on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, and the fly past, all of which I watched live. L-A also found an excellent photo gallery of the key events assembled by the Washington Post. I was feeling far better than yesterday, and not at all rushed. We had a very leisurely breakfast while making a list of food items we would be needing, which I'll pick up tomorrow from Metro. This morning I went to Starbucks for coffees and sweet treats, and found they were very close to the Coriander, so I popped in and thanked Mahommad, which pleased him greatly. Laurie-Ann sunbathed on the balcony for a while, but the view wasn't the sand and sea one hopes for. Major renovations are in progress at this resort. I installed the two computers, but when I tried to play audio through the Leak speaker, there was silence. I figured out that the weak link in the system was the cable from the computer audio output to the Pyle amplifier. I have discovered through experience that plugs, sockets and cables can be more unreliable than active devices like amplifiers. I continued with the unpacking, though it tired me greatly so I also slept quite a lot. My lunch was the rest of the lamb pasanda, and L-A's was boiled eggs and naan, because she had other plans for her chicken tikka. Steve had continued to cause trouble for Tara, waking up this morning naked, with pee all over the floor. He is not a happy man. We hope and pray this is just a short episode. In early evening we received excellent news from Bella. She had gone to Capitec Bank and they had admitted being at fault in not paying her the three transfers I had made recently. They blamed it on load shedding, but I don't buy that; they still should have told her what was going on instead of putting us all though major worry. I dictated a message to her suggesting she demand the R2,750 in additional rent her landlord had charged, and she should threaten to switch to another bank if Capitec refused. I said we would pay any regular bank charges arising from a different bank, and recommended FNB. L-A sauteed vegetables and added chicken breasts, and finally added the remains of her chicken tikka massala to make a hearty dinner, of which I only had a small portion. One of the nicer aspects of being here is that we have a dishwasher, so that's where the dishes and glasses etc. went after dinner. We spent some time finding a TV channel of interest, settling on a documentary of the stories behind the USA's modern wonders of the world: The Empire State Building, Mount Rushmore, The Golden Gate Bridge, etc. We had what was for me a late night, about 11.

Fri May 5

I was wakened by l-A coming to bed shortly after midnight, and telling me Steve was on the floor in his bedroom. I went in to find him parallel with the bed and his head up against the wall. This is the first time in some months. He said he'd been there for a couple of hours and even fallen asleep for part of it. I put his pillow under his head, pulled him a foot away from the wall with his feet, and then had him roll over onto his front. From there he was able to bring up his knees so that he was in a crawling position, and from that he brought up his right leg and stood on it, holding onto the bed. It was then a simple matter first to sit on the bed and then lie on it. He had done all the 'heavy lifting' and I had done the direction, which was good because I can't lift him. The whole routine took less thn 5 minutes. In the morning I gave us a simple breakfast, and gave L-A her regular breakfast, and then we both got on with the business of working through our lists of what needed to be bought to the pile on the couch of what we would need to take on holiday. This worked until we realised L-A's list was on her phone, and she wasn't carrying anything anywhere. So I managed to persuade her to write her list on paper. Steve knew something was up so placed himself in the middle of the action. Tara arrived mid morning; she had a day's working from home to get through which she did from downstairs. I had told the resort in Collingwood we expected to arrive by 5. We finally got on our way around 3:30. By now I had got two very heavy suitcases into the car, plus 5 Metro boxes of food and kitchen stuff. Sadly. due to miss-communication, this didn't include coffee, milk or sugar. The drive was north up Airport Road, and it seemed a long time before we saw green fields. L-A had travelled the route in her youth many times, so we didn't turn on the GPS, which was a mistake because I had no idea of our progress. L-A was texting with Tara who said that Steve had behaved badly at dinner time, mouthing air instead of his food. This worried us since Tara could say enough is enough and start the preparations for a nursing home, something we don't believe is anything like imminent. We did everually arrive in Collingwood and at the timeshare, for which the GPS was essential. The reception / management representative Kevin was a cheerful character, and knowledgable. When I told him he still had Annmarie's name down as my spouse, he knew this could cause a snag. I had accepted an offer of $150 towards a meal at a really good fish restaurant, as a 'reward for answering check-in questions.' I should have known after decades of timesharing that apparent gifts are not what they seem, but inducements to buy additional units during a sales evening; the last thing we needed. But with me married to a different woman, this was never going to work when they asked to see IDs. So he cancelled the welcome event and the fish meal. The reason I had never had Annmarie's name taken off the RCI files was she was still timesharing in her own name and wanted to keep the privilege. I now had the key to Unit 173 in Club Cranberry, and a rough idea of how to get there. L-A stayed in the car looking for restaurants on the GPS while I sought out the room, and a trolly get our stuff there. With my directions she went in with the walker and I loaded the trolly. By now we were hungry, and I was very tired, and she had found a couple of contenders for our dinner dollars. I liked the idea of the Coriander Indian restaurant, though when we got there we saw the full name was Coriander to go. I really wanted a sit down experience, but decided to go in and check out the menu, which was not what I expected for a take-out joint. I found Lamb Pasanda, one of my favourites! I selected Chicken Tikka Masala for L-A because it contained no milk. The food was not cheap, and would take 20 minutes to prepare, both signs of something special. We chatted in the car for 15 minutes, and then I returned to collect the food from Mahommad, for that was his name. Back at the unit, I brought in the blue case which has wheels as L-A brought the food upstairs on her walker. I laid the table and we got to work. My Pasanda was beyound delicious; chunks of succulant lamb in a heavenly sauce and lots of it. L-A was also very happy with her Tikka. We both had sufficient to keep half for tomorrow. Now we had food in our bellies I had just enough energy to go downstairs one more time for the second case. I took the walker in case it would carry the case. It just did, and got me to the space between the outer and inner doors - but no further. I coudn't get my door key to operate the switch unit to open the inner doors. Neither could I call reception; the call needed an area code! So after 10 minutes I called L-A and told her I was trapped. Further, I had the walker and her walking stick was in the car. So she did something that would have been impossible 3 months ago before she lost a stack of weight - she walked unaided down to the door (with my heart in my mouth and my mouth praying hard) and opened it from the inside. Then she walked back up with the walker carrying the suitcase. I had just enough energy left to open up a few cases and retrieve our night clothes. Which was when I couldn't discover how to switch on the bedroom lights. I was way past sorting out engineering problems by now, so I worked in the near dark, throwing off the surplus pillows that Canadians love, and laying my clothes on them. It wasn't long before I was deeply asleep, leaving my sweetheart to do the things she does when I've gone to bed. How my elderly, emaciated body had managed the chores of the day, from packing to driving, to unpacking and installing ourselves in the hotel room is still a mystery, unless you take prayer into account. TKOG.

Thu May 4

I planned Steve's breakfast to avoid leaving bacon in the fridge when we leave on holiday. He actually came in to the kitchen unasked shortly after I gave him his morning Tylenol, so I gave him cereal and started cooking his bacon and egs. Just as I finished, Allison arrived, but no problem, I kept it in the oven for him. No ads continually interrupting my stream of thought when Googling! I decided to keep Edge in place because of the links I had created on it over time, but will go back to Google for new work and banking. For lunch I finished the liver, bacon and beans. I made a vegetable omelette for L-A, and Steve had his regular soup. Quite a lunch. Then in the afternoon, Total AV were in my face suggesting we must buy their anti-virus protection, also for $CAD 29. Again, I felt this could very usefully replace Norton, for the next year, and then we would cancel before their standard prices cut in. So I bought it and installed it. Comments on social media suggest that the Trustpilot products work, but replace the slew of (pop up) ads with their own ads. We had connect group in the evening. The subject of King Charles' coronation on Saturday came up, and the various controversies surrounding it in Christian circles. I briefly mentioned the huge events of last weekend in Kigali, and said that 85% of the world's Anglicans decided to separate themselves from the oversite of a man who apparently will make the coronation an inter-faith event. I left the group early so that we'll be better prepared tomorrow to do the final packing and get on our way.

Wed May 3

I had to be at the blood collection department in PMH by 8:15, and by getting up at 6:15 I was able to get Steve fed, and L-A partially fed. As I came out of Queen's Park station, I was confronted by both escalators out of service, and had to walk up 2 1/2 flights of staits, and was very exhausted when I reached ground level. I gave my blood, and had my X-Ray taken, and since she was alone the operator allowed me to see the image, which suggested to my untrained eye that there was less fluid in there than at the previous X-Ray (see 25 January). When Dr. Bradbury's associate came to check my vitals, I mentioned the unserviceable escalators at the subway station, and she had also experienced them, and told me there was an elevator at the station. Dr Bradbury had also seen the X-Ray and suggested I should see one of the specialists in the Race Clinic (dedicated to pleural effusions), with a view to further drainage. I told her about our holiday next week and she said she'd organize it for the following week. She also postponed this Friday's chemo, which could conflict with the Race clinic's measurements, and said that it would be a bad idea to have chemeo just before going on holiday, since if I picked up any infections with the lower immunity, I could end up in the local hospital. This was good news for me, not having chemo just before driving to Collingwood, so Friday will be less of a rush. Late afternoon I returned to Paypal and found an answer to my query about difficulty transferring money to Paypal from my bank. They suggested using a different browser, and deleting all cookies on the browser. I didn't know how to delete the cookies but I selected Chrome instead of Edge and repeated my Paypal request to fetch $4,450 from Simplii. As soon as I was using Chrome I started seeing multiple ads, including Total Ad Blocker from Trustpilot. I am familiar with Trustpilot, and they were offering their ad blocker for $CAD 29. I would need to block lots of ads if I were to start using Chrome as my browser, so I agreed to buy Total Ad Blocker. They tried to get me to buy additional software but I declined, so the final price was $29.

Tue May 2

Yesterday was the meant to be the final day when I would use Norton anti-virus. I had instructed it not to renew my subscription before the year of protection was up, since there would have been far higher fees in year 2. However, they had deluged me with messages reducing my fee for year 2 to $54. Then first thing today I got a message extending my protection, free, for 60 days. And this was a message I could reply to. My reply went: ' I thank you for the additional 60 days. However, it is only fair if I explain why I wanted to stop the service. It wasn't because of the cost. It was because of the continual stream of notifications and pop ups that Norton generates. Whenever I wanted to concentrate on my work, Norton wanted me to scan a disk, or buy additional add-ons to Norton. I expect anti virus software to quietly operate in the background while leaving me to use my computer uninterrupted. That's how Windows Defender seems to work. Is it possible for me to turn off notifications for the next 60 days?' We have had a fruit pie in the freezer for a while, and for the last 5 days I have forgotten to take it out and cook it in the oven for 50 minutes, and then let it cool before eating ot reheating. But today, L-A reminded me right after lunch, and I did it immediately. So we'll have pie for dessert tonight - which Steve and I did. L-A and I watched the final episode of Around the World in 80 Days, which had kept is in suspense for a week.

Mon May 1

Again, felt marginally better than yesterday when I got up and served Crispix for Steve and me. Maybe the Codeine takes a few days to reach the brain. Still no sign of cash transferred to Paypal from Simplii for the second part of M-A's loan, so I sent the request again. I am very frustrated with PayPal, and for future money transfers I will investigate XE Money Transfers, which has served me faithfully for years. I took L-A to her appointment with Dr Silver, and the one free parking spot for disabled people was actually available. I tried to find out how to get into a 'help' dialogue with Paypal, but failed. I have had such dialogues in the past. L-A went to bed after lunch, asking me to call her if Canada Post showed up because she thought there could be duty to pay on a sweater she had ordered. They did arrive (without attracting my attention) and left the sweater in the mail box, so I saw no need to wake her. At 3:30 I took Steve for an appointment with Dr Silver. As we approached the medical building, I prayed that the one free parking slot might be available. I was astonished to see a white car move out of the slot just before we arrived. TKOG. Since it was raining, this made it consideraly easier to get Steve into the building than if we had parked elsewhere. As I relayed the story to Dr Silver while he chamfered up Steve's toenails, he seriously suggested I should rush to buy a lottery ticket while my luck was in. I told him I didn't buy lottery tickets and didn't believe in his kind of luck. After the treatment we picked up Pizza Nova on the way home.

Sun Apr 30    Med

Although on rising I felt marginally better than yesterday, I still wasn't ready to attend CTF. So we watched the livestream and found it excellent. I shared it to Facebook. I printed Dave Atkins' letter to Premier Ford and Minister of Education Lecce, and will mail the letters on Monday. I drove to Cloverdale to buy more swiffer pads, and while there bought some Kelloggs Crispix cereal in Metro, which Dave Kemp had introduced me to a week ago. Can't find the GAFCON speeches anywhere I would expect, so I searched YouTube and found this: Recordings of the GAFCON Livestream at Kigali I can think of a few reasons why the GAFCON authorities might not want to leave official versions on line after the initial livestreaming. A confusing thing about living with cancer is that if you get aches, pain, discomfort of any kind, or a loss of appetite, or other problems, you (a) don't know whether these are from the cancer, or from chemo, or if they are independent of it, and (b) if they get extra bad, such as severe breathing difficulty after exerting yourself, maybe death is not far away. How do you know? You have no prior experience in the matter. You certainly don't want to relate all such issues and thoughts to your nearest and dearest, which would only distress them unduly.

Sat Apr 29    Med

I forgot to set my alarm so woke up 2 hours late having not taken meds at 6. I wish I could say I felt invigorated by the lie-in. Luckily Allison wasn't coming till lunch time. Steve and I breakfasted on real porridge, enjoying Pat Moore's stint on Saturday Morning on CKCU. For lunch, a real experiment: pork liver, bacon and fried tomatoes. I enjoyed it, and Steve ate it, though he volunteered he preferred soup. I slept in the afternoon, still extremely fatigued. I took the dead daffodils to the side garden and planted the bulbs for next year (will we still be here?) The hydrangea had outlasted them. Dave Atkins had sent me a form letter to send on to Premier Ford and Minister of Education Stephen Lecce. Children as young as 5 are now being taught in primary school about multiple genders to appease the LGBT community, and I don't like it any more than Dave does.

Fri Apr 28    Med

I got dressed in the trousers I had found in the garage yesterday, and they are a perfect fit at my current weight. I cannot explain where they came from. I haven't shopped for clothes in years. TKOG. After breakfast I asked Steve to sign a $300 cheque for his recent food expenses, and noticed that his signature had become somewhat simpler. I searched the suitcases in the bedroom, and soon found L-A's bathing costume. I also found other clothes that we should take to Collingwood. While I was on the point of calling Dr Banerjee's office again, my phone rang and it was Nadia from Renforth Pharmacy to say they had my Tylenol No. 2! I was so happy. I imagined that after several days without the drug and feeling pretty low, I would soon be back to normal, with the wish to get on with things (including the tax return). I drove to the CIBC ATM to deposit Steve's cheque, and then to the pharmacy for my pills. I think I noticed an improvement in my state about a hour later, but it wasn't any major change. Hmm.

Thu Apr 27    Med

At 3 am I woke and went for a pee. On my way out of the bathroom I decided to have tea and a snack, just as Steve emerged from his room, so I invited him to join me. He accepted but preferred coffee. I made the drinks, and toasted raisin bread, and we ate and drank at the dinner table. I realised this was an opportunity, and mentioned that I had been to a friend's funeral on Saturday, but I wasn't concerned for her because she had long ago accepted Jesus into her life. I mentioned that I have been to many funerals where that was not the case, and I felt really bad for the people who had died. I expanded on this theme and I think Steve got the message. He made a few cryptic comments which I feel added up to the fact that he wasn't telling how he felt about the matter, since it was private to him. We both returned to our beds. I skipped my normal shampooing during my bath this morning, having given my hair a good workout last Sunday night. While in the bath I was reminded my legs and feet were not in good shape from lymphedema - if indeed that was the problem. I had been told it was a chemo side effect, but I hadn't had chemo in weeks and it was getting worse. I felt generally ill and lacking in motivation during the morning, and this may have been caused by running out of Tylenol No. 2. I updated a link on the GNCM.ca home page. In previous years Bruce Newman would have reminded me each January to add the new year to the Good News in the Morning Podcasts button. I approached the task with some trepidation, and was greatly pleased with myself when I completed the update. I was feeling pretty useless after lunch, so I took my noon meds, and a Stilpane that L-A thought would help, and went to bed until 5 pm. I awoke feeling marginally better. Today has been a foretaste of the way I could feel in the future as my body gradually closes down. No fun. Evelina returned my call from Dr Bradbury's office to say thay had passed on the Tylenol No. 2 prescription request to Dr Banerjee, as my palliative care provider, and that included all pain meds. I should have remembered this. The prescription had still not been received at Renforth IDA by 5:15 so I left a message for Natalie Silva, Dr Subrata Banerjee's administrative assistant, asking that she call me if there were any problems at all in sending out the prescription, and saying that it was urgent. L-A wants to to take her bathing constume to Collingwood on our approaching holiday, and asked if I could find it. I went to the garage and in the first trunk I found a pair of new light brown trousers that I hadn't noticed before (I didn't find the bathing costume), I brought them into the house.

Wed Apr 26

I drove out to collect my repaired shoes, and to buy household goods and food. I can't remember a shopping trip making me so tired. I am still waiting for more Tylenol No. 2. I listened to the 3rd, 4th and 5th podcasts from Stand Firm which has been on location with their podcast team during GAFCON. I learned so much. They discussed the Kigali Commitment, sexual sin, and the apostacy of Canterbury. Surely Kigali will lead to the combining of GAFCON and the Global South, representing 85% of the world's Christians, and complete separation from the Church of England. Bella said she was still waiting for R3,500 we had promised for her rent. There is a discrepancy between what the FNB transactions show, and my givings spreadsheet, so rather than hold her in suspense I sent her R3,500, a little less than the current FNB balance. This will reach her before month end, enabling her to pay her rent. I set up a new transfer to FNB from Simplii. I paid my Solutions Banking Mastercard, and my new President's Choice Financial Mastercard. I left a message for Dr Bradbury's assistant Evelina asking if she had received the fax from Renforth IDA requesting authorization for them to give me more Tylenol No. 2.

Tue Apr 25

I woke about 2 am, a perfect time to set up the second batch of audio files. Also an excellent time for a cup of tea and a cup cake. In the morning I transferred the final batch of files, mainly videos. I needed some more Efudex for the basal cell carcinomas that continued to sprout on the backs of my hands. I called the clinic as soon as they opened and asked for a short meeting with Dr Makar, as well as my B12 shots. They said to come at 11:50. My computer was still busy transferring the video files to the new backup USB disk, so we watched Big Music on CBC Gem, about the chaotic happenings in the music industry over the years, leading to the present situation where all music was free to stream, but artists were paid so little.

Mon Apr 24

A key activity today was completing my journal for the Carleton Place visit. Other things done were checking my voicemail where Dr Bradbury's assistant, Evelina had left her fax number, and then calling Nadia at Renforth IDA and giving her the number so she would be able to get me some more Tylenol No 2. I read The Kigali Commitment. Wow! I sense this is the most important statement to come out of Anglicanism in years. Words are not minced. Canterbury is castigated. I recommend any Christian to read it. On the return drive from Carleton Place I had considered that I'd been living dangerously ever since the red disk had failed on 8 April, more than 2 weeks ago. If the back-up black disk had failed during this time, we would have lost our complete music collection. As it was there were some files lost (?) on the red disk, such as the GNiTM archive after September 2021 to the end of 2022. True, these did still exist on line, and I could download them - but I was unlikely to do that in the near future. The bottom line: it was urgent, urgent, urgent to back up the back-up black disk on to the new disk from Best Buy. Then we would have the complete music collection less a few new items added while in South Africa. I would also have to re-edit the digitized cassettes, B tapes, and LPs, but this could be done over time. So tonight I made a start, setting up the first third of the files for transfer before I went to bed, and being very relieved when the transfers started.

Sun Apr 23

I slept well, and despite having no alarm clock and the Blackberry being on charge in the bathroom, I woke up about 6:20 and took my meds. When I was back in the bathroom washing, I found a small tube of very old hair gel from South Africa. I foolishly put some on my hair, and it was like glue, though it did hold my hair in place. By 9 I was packed and had breakfast with Dave. About 9:40 he drove me to Eternal Hope where about 2 were gathered. Some knew (of) me and introduced themselves, including Caroline Pollock who had supported our mission. Devin Hunt was still in Rwanda, and I was pleased that Alan Mills, who officiated, spoke about Gafcon 4, a significant event for Christianity. He had brought with him printed copies of The Kigali Commitment, summarising trends and decisions from the conference. When the service started there were about 7 gathered plus volunteers. This was my third successive Sunday in an ANiC church. Dave was sad about how the congregation had dwindled since he had retired as pastor, and shared that a reason was an over involvement in liturgy and history, which might not be attractive to a local resident checking out the church, with no knowledge of ANiC. I would have thought that the prime source of new members would be the congregation of St James' Anglican Church, where the funeral was yesterday. After the service we gathered downstairs for tea/coffee and date slices or cookies. When the date slices were finished, Dave drove me back to his home, where we said our goodbyes, and I got into the car and drove west. My first stop was at Rams Esso, near Sharbot Lake, where I gassed up, used their toilet to good effect, and bought two small blueberry pies. The pies sustained me for the whole journey. I continued on for a couple of hours till the Trenton En Route, mainly to text L-A. After that the 401 was soon into Toronto, and I left it at Islington, arriving home by 6. I was well pleased with my body, which had exhibited no side effects of either Mesothelioma or chemotherapy, and also pleased with my eyes, which had given me no problems focussing on the road. I wasn't so pleased with the sticky hair gel. L-A noticed it as soon as she saw me. So I got to work with my Nu Skin Renu volumising shampoo, and was quite relieved when after two applications I had got the horrid sticky stuff out. I completed the good work that L-A had started with the salmon dinner. After dinner we watched the final episode of 'A Spy among Friends,' Kim Philby's story up to his exit to Russia, after which there was no further story to be told. I am interested that, like me, he enjoyed marmalade.

Sat Apr 22    Med

I got up early, feeling eager to get on my way to Carleton Place for Jennifer's funeral. Steve and Laurie-Ann also got up early since they were keen for breakfast before my departure at 8. I joined the 401 at Islington Ave to find relatively light traffic and drove for an hour or so to the first En Route, where I gassed up, and bought a Starbucks breakfast wrap and coffee. That would be my only stop on the outward trip, not counting a text stop when I reached HWY 7. The GPS served me well, arriving at St James' Anglican 5 minutes before the service started, and during those minutes Ray Brule had come up and greeted me. I hadn't been in an Anglican Church of Canada in years, but hadn't missed it. I had an irreverant thought - wishing Henry and Jennifer had joined ANiC. Henry gave the first part of his eulogy, but as soon as he got to the point of their blossoming spiritual relationship, broke down completely and walked back to his seat. It was the most moving moment for me. After the service I went to the church hall where many refresments were laid out. Henry and I greeted each other and chatted, and he was clearly very happy that I'd come. I congratulated him on organizing such a smooth-running event, but hinted that despite his calm manner since Jennifer's death, he was likely not so calm inside, which he didn't dispute. The only way to get a hot drink was to sit at a table, which I did, meeting two of Jennifer's technical writer colleagues from Northern Telecom. Dave called me and I confirmed I would be at his house within an hour. I had a further chat with Ray, and a little with Lorna before leaving. I drove to Dave's and let myself in via the door pad, with L-A's help, since I had left the number at home. I relaxed for a while with a book about Elon Musk. When Dave returned we started a conversation which lasted the full time I was in his company. We went out to dinner at Maximilian's in Perth (my treat) and had Jagerschnitzels (with the mushroom sauce) and closed the place. Back home we agreed to differ over vacc vs anti-vacc, but agreed over everything else, sharing the names of resources the other wasn't using. Not too late we went to bed, and I certainly slept well.

Fri Apr 21    Med

I was about to archive my St Chad bulletin from last Sunday, and noticed it included the link to the 4th Gafcon conference in Kigali, Rwanda. One of the first things I saw was the list of delegates from Canada, which included George Sinclair and Devin Hunt! I posted information on the conference to Facebook, and noticed there was a daily podcast from Kigali on Spotify. I immediately listened to the reports from days 1 and 2, bringing me more up to date with all things Gafcon. The first podcast recommended The St. Andrew's Day Statement on homosexuality, the result of a study in 1995 caled for by the Church of England. I posted Gafcon's main page to Facebook. After lunch I took two of Steve's meds to Shoppers and ordered repeats (if they manage successfully to communicate with Dr. Judah), and then took my Tylenol No. 2 to Renforth Pharmacy, agreeing to provide a fax no. for Dr Bradbury so she can OK more Tylenol No. 2. I worked on the list of things I mustn't forget to take to Carleton Place tomorrow. I think I am feeling the benefit of the blood transfusion yesterday, if I compare my morning today with recent mornings when I have felt unwell. I wonder who it is, probably from the GTA, who gave several units of blood of his/her blood, and maybe wondered who would end up with it. I was considering where would I spend Saturday night after the funeral, and L-A reminded me that Dave Kemp would be happy for me to stay, so I called him, and he was. We have promised each other catch-up time for the past year+. He suggested we both attend Eternal Hope on Sunday morning. I went to Best Buy and was unexpectedly delighted that they refunded me all the $338.99 I had paid them to recover the data from the red disk. Then I bought a phone charger plug for the cigar lighter in the car to make sure I won't be caught out on my drive to Carleton Place on Saturday for the funeral. James had recommended that to replace the Red disk I buy a solid-state back-up drive, and I had checked them out on Amazon and Best Buy online sites, finding none for less than $200, in store at Best Buy the sales assistant offered a 2TB non-solid-state drive on sale for $75. I felt that since I would be maintaining the new disk and the black disk as close duplicates, the overall security would be good even though they were both non-solid-state. So I paid my $75. At 7:30 we had the first of our new Thursday Night connect group meetings. This was triggered by the cooking class last night, when it turned out Thursday was preferable to Wednesday for most.

Thu Apr 20    Med

I left home at 8:45 and arrived at PMH early for my blood draw. There was still an hour before I would see Dr Bradbury so I had a second breakfast at Tim Hortons. I wasn't feeling any better than the last few days and I was very keen to see if the promised blood transfusion would change that. Dr Bradbury didn't keep me waiting. She wanted to know all details of how I had been feeling recently, so I told her I have felt sick and ill and unmotivated for anything other than resting on the couch or in bed. I reminded her that on 3 April I had nearly had a transfusion, and I really wanted to get to it now that the original concerns had been resolved. She felt that my body could have been over-stressed by chemo; my third one was on 14 March. She said people normally have 6 or 7 before taking a break, but she felt I should take a break now. I quizzed her on my prognosis; what could I expect after chemo? Would it just be a question of monitoring with CT scans and hoping for a contraction of the tumour? My impression from her answers was that there weren't any other options for me, although she didn't say as much. She said she would see what could be done to get the transfusion asap, so I was very pleased as I prepared to leave when nurse Jennifer said she was going to see if I could have it right then! 20 minutes later it was set up and I was on my way back to the Oncology Day Clinic on the main floor, where I was greeted by a charming and very competetant nurse called Sarah who set up the feed into my arm. She explained this was more tricky than chemo, since the viscosity of blood meant she not only had to find a vein to open up, but one that could take a longer flow of the thicker liquid. Because my transfusion had been arranged at short notice, it then took nearly 2 hours to get the exact match of donor blood from the blood bank. She brought me an awful egg sandwich (I only ate half; it had been in a freezer and was soggy) and orange juice, and I settled down to wait. I texted L-A recommending that if I were not back by 6:15, she call an Uber, and I would meet her at the Spice Trader HQ. I also reminded her that my phone would be out of power by then. Eventually the unit of my benefactor's blood arrived and was soon trickling into my left arm. About 5:45 I moved with the donor kit up two flights since Sarah and the rest of the downstairs crew went home at 6. By 6:30 I was done and disconnected. I set out for home. I needed to go home before going to Spice Trader for our cooking class mainly to take the meds I had missed all day, but also to look in on Steve. I was finally ready by 8:15, and the cooking course would be over by 8:30. The GPS took me to the 427 down to the Gardiner and eventually North through a busy nest of streets with streetcars, and it was all a test of my driving skills. But eventually I found 877 Queen St. W. and went in to find L-A and Allison, the co-owner with her husband. All had gone well. We drove home.

Wed Apr 19

I think my eyes are improving. The magnifying glass is not being brought out nearly so frequently, and the norm on my computer is to be able to see a whole paragraph of text clearly. Perhaps the conjunctivitis is retreating.

Tue Apr 18    Med

I am still not feeling well - if anything I'm worse than yesterday. This is proving to be the main reason against going to Jennifer's funeral. Throughout my chemotherapy, my body has behaved generally as normal, but that has changed. All I want to do is doze in a chair or sleep in a bed. L-A looked up the inter-city bus schedules and found they don't go via Carleton Place. Driving the car is not hard for me though I haven't driven long distance since collecting our suitcases from Sydney and Christine Jenkins many months ago.

Mon Apr 17    Med

I am not feeling well. 'Flu symptoms except fever. The big challenge is Jennifer's funeral on Friday. Should I try and make it or would that be foolhardy. I went for a haircut at First Choice. My hairdresser was Sendi. She told me her boyfriend, Jim, of 17 years was being treated for brain cancer; chemo on the 17th floor of PMH. I recommended marriage, and prayed for him before leaving and I believe it meant a lot to her. I drove to Loblaws for Bonne Maman marmalade, and then remembered Steve's watch, so drove back to Cloverdate where the watchmaker at Silver Time did the job in less than 2 minutes, the same as he had a few months back. I went on line for Via Rail info about their line to Smiths Falls, showing that everything would have to on time for me not to be late, and cost ~$500 if I stayed the night. L-A was ill again in the afternoon, going to bed till dinner time. We had the last of the turkey soup, and beans on toast for me, followed by warm rice pudding for Steve and me. This is not the quality of meal we normally serve Steve, and I apologised to him, saying that we were both ill, and had to make some simplifications.

Sun Apr 16

We neither of us felt up to CTF, except online, where Gordon Harris preached well on living clean lives. In the afternoon I felt a tug from St Chad, so joined their service. The sermon was by Steven, who told me he preaches there about once a month. On the way home I picked up pizza for us all.

Sat Apr 15

Feeling marginally better than yesterday, I actually worked on our tax return in the afternoon. I was still generally unwell and dizzy, with not much of an appetite, and still problems with my taste buds. I washed the sheets and pillowcases on our bed. Every so often I really needed to relax on the couch. We watched The Fabelmans in the evening, about Stephen Spielberg's childhood, showing how from an early age he had a propensity for making movies. I could certainly relate to that, though my movies were all historical family events, mainly holidays. I also filmed my model trains. I forgot to post Good News in the Morning; this is getting to be chronic.

Fri Apr 14    Med

I felt ill all day. Weak, breathless, no energy to get things done. We needed breakfast food and 7-grain bread, and I had another reason to go shopping and earn Optimum points. So, feeling it was the last thing I wanted to do, I drove to Loblaws near mid-day, setting down every step with care as I walked into the store so that I would not fall. They had two sliced 7-grain loaves, just what I needed, and I wondered if I was their only customer. After finding breakfast sausage I went to the self check-out. and earned 4156 Optimum points. That should have made my total to-date 107,356, but on the Optimum site I have 106,580. Where are the missing points? And do I have the energy and skill to find out. However, it does appear that the Optimum account is linked to Loblaws. L-A had cooked turkey wild rice soup, and it contained a large volume of nutricious turkey stock. We had some for lunch. I also drank a Monster, and ate my noon medications. After lunch I had a couple of hours sleep, but it didn't raise me out of the physical blues. We had our Bible reading, communion, and prayer session in the afternoon. L-A had procured a box of communion elements which we have been using daily for about a week. L-A had prepared turkey curry (everything's turkey this week) and though I only fancied a small helping (of anything), this was really good. We watched the final episode of 'Transatlantic,' happenings from around my birthdate when some brave Americans including Varian Fry and French patriots smuggled Jews and British servicemen on the run out of France and over the Pyrenees to Spain.

Thu Apr 13

Bath and toenail clipping day, after which I ventured into Steve's room. He was wet and so was his bedding. In his subconscious the decision to continue peeing in his diaper had again triumphed over the teapot or the bathroom. I tried to get him to stand and it was really painful for him. By the time Allison joined us at least he had on a dry diaper. As she bathed him, I took off the wet bedding, replacing some with what I had washed and dried yesterday. She was very careful, fully aware that he could fall. I prepared his cereal and she brought him into the kitchen when she was done, and he ate a standard (uncooked) breakfast. He was co-operative. I suggested that he not go and lie down afterwards, but give his muscles some activity by walking round the house with his walker and sitting in the living room, but he ignored the suggestion and went to sleep in his room. I reorganized my recent do lists into one. I called Dr Melnick's office and told his assistant I wouldn't be coming for an appointment on 11 July, having been able to get into Toronto Western. I checked the FNB account and saw that the second R5,000 transfer had arrived, so I send Bella a further R3,500 to pay for her grandfather's funeral. I am glad we solved what was an awful responsibility that had fallen on her shoulders. We had agreed after Red Lobster that we should lunch one day at The Mandarin, and I suggested to L-A that today was the day. My stomach was telling me it needed a work-out with a completely different style of food from normal. I knew that it was accepting of Chinese. So I served Steve his uneaten lunch from yesterday, and soon we were on our way to the Mandarin, where I had never been before. The temperature was an unseasonal 30° which added to the pleasure of the day out. It was a similar concept to Kanata's Panda Garden, with a more varied choice. I had worried that after the (sweet sour) soup I would have already lost my appetite for more, but I hadn't. I went on to two main courses and two desserts. The dessert plates in particular were quite small. The bill was $87, just over half as much as Red Lobster; no complaints there. I definitely over-ate but not to an extent that it made me ill. L-A was able to meet her more stringent demands, but she found no sorbet. I hope there'll be sorbet in Heaven or there may be a problem.

Wed Apr 12

During the early morning hours I heard the odd noise from Steve. At 6 I got up for a pee and couldn't find him. I looked out the front door, and there he was, pushing his walker up the porch steps, and doing quite well at it. I decided to leave him at it until I was dressed, by when he was coming in the front door. I have to give him credit for such a manoeuvre, though I don't know what he was doing when he was down the steps. Perhaps he had walked down to the road. During the night L-A had persuaded him to take out his dentures, and this morning I felt like a good breakfast, so I cooked us bacon, egg, fried bread, fried tomato, and baked beans. Slava arrived in the middle of it, so it went back in the oven for a while. I was still feeling weak and with an upset stomach, which persisted throughout the day. For the first time Steve didn't want to get up for lunch, and by 5 pm had still not come into the kitchen. I took a nap after lunch which made me feel a little better. Before cooking the spaghetti for dinner I asked Steve if her wanted dinner; he did. When it was ready he ate all of his large portion. While he was eating his pumpkin pie, I cleared wet bedding from his room and replaced with dry. I carefully got him back to his room. His pants were totally soaked, and he was in a semi-TIA state so it was hard to get his pants and diaper off, but we made it. It was even harder to get dry ones on; he wasn't able to help without strength in his legs. So we abandoned getting him to stand, and I left him lying on the bed with the clean pants loose.

Tue Apr 11    Med

I went to the Geek Squad in Best Buy with the red disk. They did some tests that convinced them it was worth sending the disk to the specialist firm that they use for disk data recovery. I paid $338.99 and received a contract. A negative that was mentioned was that sometimes only ~70% of the files can be recovered. So if they require more money from me to move to the next tier, I will probably decline, and just manage with the back up disk. M-A and Field had bought a trailer that would be used as Field moved from one house he had renovated to the next, and would also bring M-A's goods from Tennessee to wherever she would be living in the future, and then act as storage space for her. They had paid $US 6,250 and M-A had asked if we would lend her the money until her house is sold. At present this seems quite hopeful since Will's son Jessie wants to buy it and his grandmother would pay (cash) for it. I agreed to this, and transferred $CAD 8,900 to Paypal. This was made easier because Carlos had failed to invest $12,000 into L-A's TFSA, his mind being more focussed on a honeymoon in Colombia with his new wife Chantal. So we cancelled the investment for the present. I put out the garbage, and wrapped more duct tape around the garden hose. Such tasks, requiring walking, tire me more than they did a few weeks ago, even though I am on full dose Vitamin C. Add to that, my stomach seems a little upset. During dinner, Steve asked for a teaspoon, and ate the whole of his root vegetable stew with turkey with it, which goes into the category of bizarre behaviour. At the end of dinner when I asked him for his dentures, he point-blank refused, at which I reminded him that unless he still had his teeth, I wouldn't cook his breakfast. His evening consisted of walking round the house with his walker, and giving L-A a hard time, as he babbled on with reminiscences from working on the railway. He was experiencing a 1 or 2 day period, which we've seen before, when he couldn't settle down, and all that could be done was to wait it out till he returned to normal.

Mon Apr 10

There was a ring at the door mid morning. Our visitor was Sally Jo Martin from Humber Valley United Church with daffodils for Steve. I invited her in so she could see him sleeping but didn't wake him. We had a very peasnat conversation with her, and introduced her to L-A's colouring books, and gave her a memory stick for their Sunday school. L-A offered to speak to their Day Timers group which her mother had been a member of. I slept in the afternoon, feeling better afterwards. I repaired more leaks in the garden hoses. We heard that one of Bella's brothers, Mikayle, died of TB today. What a sad life, and how tough on Bella as she is already burying her grandfather. The saving grace is that her brother is covered by the family funeral cover. For dinner we had part 2 of the turkey; much enjoyed. There's plenty more where that came from which L-A will use in a variety of recipes, and by the time we have finished, it will have been cheap meals.

Sun Apr 9 - Easter

I had my third daily dose of ClearLax at breakfast, and two hours later it had the desired effect (I am sure you needed to know this). I went to CTF, parking in the over 75s, and it was pretty full. There was some, but not a lot of Easter content. The visiting preacher was Kyle Philippi, a disciple commissioned to share the gospel around the world. I sat next to a black man called Philemon. I got home fairly fast to help with lunch and getting the turkey started in the oven. We opened our Easter bunnies and Steve ate all of his. At 2:30 I left for St. Chad, a small ANiC church worshipping in Kingsway Baptist, where L-A had gone for a decade in the 80's. I had read somewhere that the service started at 3, but there was no-one there, so I called the rector, Barbara Richardson, who told me it was 4:30 but lasted less than an hour, so I decided to stick around. There were about 15 in the congregation. One of the lessons was from Psalm 118, and when verse 17 was read I was startled, for Laurie-Ann had said the exact words in prayer for me many times: 'I shall not die, but live' (KJV). My presence there suddenly had even more meaning. Barbara preached an Easter sermon, and we had communion with dry white wine. After the service I joined a few of the congregation for hot brown drinks (Turtles hot chocolate for me), and conversation. I sat next to Mary. One thing was clear to me: everyone there was serious about why they were there. They made me welcome. I got home at 6 and steamed some green beans. The turkey was ready by then, as were multiple roast vegetables in the oven. We started eating about 6:45 and it was good. Steve and I ate the two massive legs. This was a large bird. After dinner there was a big job waiting for me: clearing; dishwashing; carving the rest of the turkey so it would go in the fridge. I was done by 9:45 so went to bed after a long time on my feet and 2-churching it during the day.

Sat Apr 8

As I gave Steve his morning Tylenol, he asked when breakfast would be coming, and then said, "I've never been so hungry." As he ate his Cheerios, he complained he couldn't chew them. He had only put in his upper teeth. He had no idea why he hadn't added the lower teeth. He then ate a large breakfast. I wasn't in a great hurry to test out the red disk on my computer, in case it didn't work. So I concentrated on breakfast, Laurie-Ann's MLD and this journal. But once I had no more excuses, I plugged the red disk into my main computer, and it appeared to be working fine! I was very relieved. So this was one of those situations where Microsoft had anticipated the problem, caused by one or more failures of a memory location on the disk, and their scan ensured that the memory location was by-passed. The message to me was clear: I need to complete the editing of the audio files asap and then transfer the complete contents to the music collection back up disk, which hasn't been used nearly as much and should be in a better state. The other message to me is can I rely on the disk remaining fixed, or is it on the way out? I went to Loblaws to buy bread, buying an 'Amazing Grains' loaf and a whole-wheat ciabatta. While I was out, John arrived with the various parts of Steve's new hospital bed, which will allow him to be raised or lowered, and prevent his falling out. Not sure when he might be back to assemble it; he didn't tell L-A. Bella's situation is putting her under extreme stress. Somehow she has become the point person for her grandfather's (Cathy's ex husband's) funeral. She has a quote for R8,000 and no money, and the funeral has already been delayed a week. The response from the pastor engaged to do the funeral was "You should have had funds available before engaging on the arrangements." My brainstorming is not necessarily acceptable to Bella, but here are some ideas as I get them:

• Speak to the coffin provider and see if she really has the cheapest option;
  
• Speak to her own church pastor where she volunteered for years to see if he could provide a funeral on credit. If so we would pay the full amount once we have a list of what makes up the full amount, and none of it is for food for guests. He would have to wait for the money until it arrives from Canada;
  
• No refreshments, unless someone offers to pay for them and bring them (and we will not pay for them);
  
• Find out if there is anyone planning to come to the funeral, and tell them there will be no refreshments unless someone offers to bring them.
  
• If all the above fail to yield results, speak again to the city, and tell them the body will be left in the street unless they pick it up and bury it.