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Yet another self-indulgent links page. I discovered American nut radio on shortwave in 1992, and I have been hooked on conspiracy theory, fringe science, radical politics and the like ever since.

Naturally, the WWW is prime breeding ground for all sorts of kookery, since practically anyone can set up a Web site for next to nothing. (Hey, look at me.)

Contents

Conspirinuts * "Psychics" * Doomsayers
U-Fool-ogists * Religious Radicals * Silly Scientists
Miscellaneous * Anti-Crank Resources

Ratings

***** **** *** ** * ?!
Excellent! Great Good Bad Barf alert! Barking mad

Conspirinuts

Conspiracy theorists think there is no such thing as accidents or lone gunmen. Nothing in the world occurs without the permission of the U.S. government (or the Jews [or the Jews who control the U.S. government]). No one ever acts alone. No one named "Kennedy" can possibly die by accident, even if he is unqualified to fly by instruments at night. Somewhere out there, someone is pulling all the strings.

William Cooper **** ?! ?! ?! ?!

My favourite conspiracy nut of all time is the late William Cooper, the host of the radio program "The Hour of the Time," and one of only three recipients of the coveted fourth black helicopter on this page.

Whether he was decoding Illuminati secret messages in the Bette Midler song "The Rose," decoding the True Meaning of The Lion King, claiming the government faked the moon landings and the Timothy McVeigh executions, or saying that mind control must be real because the U.S. Patent Office has a patent on a device for altering brain waves, Cooper could always be counted on for the most mind-bogglingly lunatic rants anywhere on American nut radio.

Cooper committed suicide by cop in November 2001, during a raid on his house by the police. Apparently he had threatened someone off his property with a gun some time earlier. When the police came for him, he very unwisely shot one of them in the face and was subsequently the recipient of a hail of police bullets.

Harold Funk *** ?!

Harold Funk is a local conspirinaut, an ex-lawyer who regularly protests outside the U. S. Embassy and elsewhere in downtown Ottawa, handing out copies of "letters" that he has sent to virtually every government on the planet, detailing supposed atrocities committed by the CIA at their worldwide "torture schools."

The content of Funk's letters is as cranky as much of William Cooper's stuff, except that at least Funk, a pacifist, will probably not die of lead poisoning.

Power of Prophecy *** ?! ?! ?! ?!

This is the site of the newsletter and weekly radio program of Texe "Conspiracy Boy" Marrs. Marrs is not merely your average end-times enthusiast: everything that goes on in the world is proof that the New World Order is just around the corner.

For example, in his May, June, and July 2002 newsletters, Conspiracy Boy explains how 20 new World Cup soccer stadiums recently built around the world are actually disguised radio antennae, designed to transmit instructions to nanobots injected into h uman beings under the pretense of vaccinations against biological warfare, to turn us all into mind-control zombies.

Trust me. I couldn't invent this stuff if I wanted to.

Conspiracy Boy's schtick is so widely bizarre that I had a hard time deciding whether to put him in this section, with the doomsayers, or the religious radicals. His scattershot approach to being generally weird, however, makes him the second recipient of the coveted fourth black helicopter.

TACMARS **** ?! ?! ?!

"Free Indeed Research" has found the real meaning of those reflective stickers on the back of road signs: they are "TACMARS" (tactical markers), a secret arrangment of stickers, symbols, and arrows on highway signs. The location and orientation of the stickers on the signs points New World Order black helicopter pilots to vital resources and facilities targeted for confiscation.

What isn't explained is how the helicopter pilots are supposed to read the road signs from the air, or why the New World Order goons need to set up an elaborate code to locate a church that is probably listed in the phone book.

For people like this, I recommend a screening of A Beautiful Mind. Repeat until clue sets in.

"Psychics"

This section deals with claims of supposed super-normal mental powers: telepathy, telekinesis, precognition, and so forth. Mysteriously these powers tend to disappear when scrutinized too closely, and are often magically replaced with lawyers.

Uri Geller ?! ?!

Uri Geller is the consummate "psychic superstar." So how does he use his great mental powers for the benefit of mankind? By mangling cutlery, of course.

It's not easy to be a spoon-bender these days, with more and more magicians (like James Randi) able to replicate this great feat, and even improve upon it, by non-psychic means. Indeed, it seems that the most highly touted "psychic" powers are indistinguishable from stage magic. So these days, about the only thing that legitimizes Geller is his association with fellow weirdo Michael Jackson.

Donna Higbee and Spontaneous Human Invisibility **** ?!

Has it ever seemed to you like no one even realized you were there? Do you have trouble making eye contact with the sales drones at your local computer superstore? Do people seem to ignore you at parties? You might be suffering from Spontaneous Human Involuntary Invisibility. Donna Higbee, CHT ("CHT" stands for "Certified Hypnotherapist") maintains the largest database in the world on this horrible affliction.

What Higbee apparently can't explain, on the other hand, is the lack of injuries reported as the result of collisions with involuntarily invisible people.

Doomsayers

Whether it's by nuclear conflagration, a cataclysmic meteor strike, or the return of Jesus, these guys are agreed on one thing: We're all gonna die!!!!!

The Overcomer Ministry * ?! ?! ?! ?!

This is the Web site of R. G. Stair, the self-proclaimed "Last Day Prophet of God." "Brother Stair" has been predicting Doomsday by one scenario or other for decades. His hilarious blend of bad theology, conspiracy theory, and repeated false prophecy earns him the coveted fourth black helicopter.

I personally heard Stair say numerous times in 1992/93 that 100 American cities would be burning in nuclear fires by the end of the year. They weren't. He has claimed that if Jesus didn't come back by the year 2000, Christianity would be finished. It wasn't. (Stair still maintains that if Jesus doesn't come back Real Soon Now, the God of the Bible is a lie.) His most recent doomsday schtick was the prediction that "Planet X" would destroy the Earth in May 2003. It didn't. Maybe "Brother Stair" ought to bone up on the Biblical qualifications for a prophet.

In recent months Stair has had more pressing concerns than getting a planet in the face, however. In May-July 2002, he did jail time on charges of sexual misconduct, for allegedly messing around with some of the teenage girls living on his "Overcomer" compound. For more information about Stair's supposed philandering, check out The Net Team, a site assembled by some of Stair's ex-supporters.

ZetaTalk ** ?! ?! ?!

The planetary alignment in 1980 didn't kill us. Shoemaker-Levy's dramatic collision with Jupiter had no effect on Earth. And the aliens following comet Hale-Bopp in their gigantic Saturn-like spaceship didn't take us all away.

Nonetheless, all of this doesn't stop the crank element from insisting that the sky is falling. The latest doomsday scenario from the Chicken Little crowd was the so-called "Planet X" scare. In May 2003, so the story goes, a newly-discovered planet was supposed to pass very close to Earth, actually knocking it off its axis of rotation and causing all sorts of death and destruction.

The source of all this nonsense is the ZetaTalk site, yet another flaky UFO site. It is run by one Nancy Lieder, who supposedly receives telepathic messages from aliens called "Zetans." Somehow she got her hands on some photos of a reddish haze and declared it to be an inbound planet. The fact that no credible scientific evidence exists for a "Planet X" didn't stop "prophecy" buffs like "Brother Stair" and Texe Marrs from declaring the sky to be falling. Of course, nothing happened. If you want to collide with a planet, you'll have to trip over your laces like everyone else.

U-Fool-ogists

"UFO" stands for "Unidentified Flying Object." That doesn't stop a lot of very silly people from identifying UFOs a priori as alien spacecraft, and worse, inventing wacko religions about them.

Aliens and Children **** ?! ?!

Children draw pictures of aliens in flying saucers. According to webmaster Michael Menkin, that is proof that they have been abducted by aliens. (I drew flying saucers as a child too, but my pictures prove I was abducted by little green men, rather than the more fashionable Greys of today.)

Menkin also reveals the secret of the little black box aliens point at humans when they abduct them. It contains a live human-alien hybrid fetus and is intended to show that aliens can replace humans any time they want - in other words, it's the aliens' way of giving humanity the finger.

Stop Alien Abductions **** ?! ?!

Are frequent alien abductions getting you down? Are your bodily orifices sore from all the probing? In the ongoing war to stop telepathic mind control, the classic tinfoil helmet simply isn't enough anymore. But fret no more: this Web site, again created by Michael Menkin, tells you how to make the latest in mind control protection. The "Thought Screen Helmet" is simple to build out of an old hat and some sheets of Velostat anti-static sheeting.

Since there's a whole page of testimonials from people who have not been abducted ever since they started wearing their Thought Screen Helmet, I guess it must work!

Universe People ** ?! ?!

This is probably about the craziest saucer page I've ever seen. It appears to be a series of "telepathic" reports from the "Cosmic People of Light Powers" or some such, led by a blonde pretty-boy named Ashtar Sheran.

This site is so bizarre it defies a simple description. Nonetheless, look out for the multiple pictures of a Bambi-eyed Jesus, and the video clips of flying hubcaps—er, UFOs.

Religious Radicals

I am a man of faith myself, but that doesn't mean I have to be blindly tolerant and approving of everything done in the name of religion, as some people think.

The Free Zone ** ?! ?!

The Free Zone was founded in the early 1980s by a bunch of disgruntled ex-Scientologists, after a faction within the Church of Scientology had gained power and purgeed all dissent from the organization in a Scientology version of the Night of the Long Knives. The purpose of the Free Zone is to practice Scientology in the way that L. Ron Hubbard supposedly intended, outside of the control of the Church of Scientology.

If you are not familiar with Scientology's weird jargon and philosophy, then a lot of this stuff defies description. Nonetheless, be sure to check out the UFO-related stuff and some of the other mind-blowing "tech." Also, the "Galactic Patrol Marching Song" has to be heard to be believed (requires RealAudio player).

Society for the Practical Establishment and Perpetuation of the Ten Commandments *** ?!

Robert T. Lee and son present their thesis that the founding documents of the United States are based on heathen ideas and ought to be abolished in favour of the greatest law that ever was: the Ten Commandments.

There are nuts out there that belive the U.S. Constitution is divinely inspired. Fortunately, the Lees aren't some of those. Nonetheless, for a supposedly "Christian" goal, there isn't an awful lot of Christ on this page, compared to the reams of material on God's judgment.

Silly Scientists

When conspiracy theory, religion, or ignorance intersect with science, sometimes the result can be pretty goofy.

Creative Products 2000 ** ?!

Greg A. Tyler is bitter because he keeps having great ideas for inventions, only to find out that some major corporation has already made millions off of his ideas.

Tyler's rants just go to show that it is far easier to be an armchair inventor. But why is it that the Acme Corporation makes so much money off a widget? Unlike Tyler, they spent some R&D money to build the thing.

jmccanneyscience.com * ?! ?!

This Web page is proof that actual competence in one's claimed field of expertise is directly proportional to tastefulness in Web design. "Professor" James McCanney believes that the moon landings were faked. So are NASA's pictures of comets, because they are trying to suppress the truth about what they really are (as if NASA owns every telescope in the world). Also, Planet X is still going to come and wipe us all out, though it's already a year behind schedule.

Miracle Soap ***

Miracle II soap isn't exactly a floor wax and a dessert topping, but you can use it to strip floor wax and brush your teeth after dessert. Not to mention pretty much every other cleaning task under the sun, and it's a cure-all for what ails you, too! Even though the inventor claims in his testimonial that God revealed the formula for this soap to him, the description of how it works is the usual hocus-pocus about ridding the body of unidentified "toxins."

Time Cube **** ?! ?! ?!

This indescribably hideous Web site is the product of "Dr." Gene Ray, the self-professed "wisest of humans to ever exist," and his incomprehensible theory that time is cubic rather than linear - "absolute unrefutable proof of 4 simultaneous 24 hour days with in [sic] a single rotation of Earth." I have no clue what all this means. Maybe that's why it's irrefutable.

VoltNet.com *****

There's nothing particularly kooky about this site; it's just plain goofing off. VoltNet is a virtual museum of high voltage, featuring Tesla coils, Jacob's ladders, and other high-voltage instruments. The Furby Stress Testing section of the site is just fall-down hilarious. If you are ever playing with a Furby in a thunderstorm, take heed; its failure to withstand 15,000 V is attributed to "inferior insulation."

So why put a fun but completely mainstream site in this section? Because all of it was made possible by one Nikolai Tesla, the inventor of the Tesla coil and (more importantly) alternating current. Tesla has been a rallying point for every kind of pseudoscience. Every junk scientist who comes up with a perpetual motion machine or other "free energy" scheme wants to claim the name of Tesla. Even the tesla.org domain name belongs to a purveyor of "Kirlian photography."

Miscellaneous

Some weirdness just defies all classification.

Star Wars ASCIImation ****

Here's one from the Get-a-Life Department: Remember when BBSing was still hot and even the Internet was still largely a text-only medium, and all graphics had to be assembled in ASCII characters? Simon Jansen wishes it were still that way. He has been remaking Star Wars in ASCII art since 1997. As the story currently stands, the animation runs about 17 minutes, and Luke and Han are about to rescue Princess Leia from the detention cell.

Anti-Crank Resources

Fortunately, with all the loons out there, someone still stands for reason and sanity.

James Randi Educational Foundation ****

James Randi is the modern successor to the legendary Harry Houdini: not only is he a great magician, but he has also devoted the latter half of his career to debunking phony practitioners of pseudoscience: dowsers, "psychics," mediums, and so forth.

Mind you, if you're a real "psychic" (heh heh), Randi has a million dollars he'll give you if you will submit to his tests.

Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy ****

This is a wonderful science site, which discusses misconceptions of astronomy—in "general knowledge," the media, and in the movies. Phil's movie reviews are especially enjoyable, as are his adventures with the "Planet X" crowd.

Quackwatch ****

The Web site of Stephen Barrett, M.D., who investigates and debunks junk medicine: homeopathy, chiropractic, phony cancer cures, and many others. Don't let the dated appearance turn you off; what Dr. Barrett lacks in Web design flair, he more than makes up for in content. The quacks are well aware of this page and the damage he is doing to their cash cow.

Urban Legends Reference Pages *****

David "snopes" Mikkelson and his wife Barbara debunk the stories, rumours, and legends that that make up urban folklore. This is one of the best sites on the Web.

Watchingyou.com ***

The personal page of "Lou Minatti," on which he takes aim at UFO nuts, New Age wackos, and others with some very funny rants.