Here are my suggestions for mother-led weaning and                      
 handling tantrums.                                                     

 Disclaimer:  Please ignore any suggestions you don't want.            
 Breastfeeding is healthy for children;  this advice is               
 not to be taken as encouragement to decide to wean, but
 only as advice on how to wean if you have decided to.               
 Many people use "child-led" weaning, simply waiting until          
 the child stops nursing.
 The advice is based on weaning older children.  Breastmilk
 is good for the health of older children, too.  Their
 brains are still growing (their heads aren't adult size
 yet) and breastmilk contains fatty acids needed for brain
 growth.  If a child gets the flu, it's good to be able
 to give them breastmilk;  sometimes they vomit everything
 else.  Breastmilk has many beneficial properties and I'm
 sure it's good for the health of older children in many
 ways.  The World Health Organization recommends
 breastfeeding
 for at least two years.  Nothing in this article is
 intended
 to mean that people "must" or "should" do any particular
 thing.  The imperative is sometimes used to save space,
 but all of these are just suggestions.  Every family is
 unique and children may not behave as described here.
 End of disclaimer.

 Balance three principles:

 (1) Love and compassion
 (2) Consistency
 (3) Your right not to breastfeed

 You have the right not to breastfeed.  It's your body.
 You have the power, too.  You're bigger than the kid;
 you can keep your shirt buttoned.  A kid has a tantrum
 in an attempt to influence you, but you decide how
 you're influenced.  Suddenly deciding never to nurse
 again satisfies your right not to breastfeed.
 It's short on both love and consistency, though.  If
 you were willing to nurse for 18 minutes yesterday,
 being willing to nurse for 16 minutes today is reasonable
 consistency.  Suddenly stopping nursing altogether might
 leave the child wondering, "what did I do wrong?"

 You decide the balance.  If it's extremely important
 to you never to nurse again, then never nurse again.
 Remember, though, that it's likely extremely important
 to your child to continue nursing.

 Giving in and nursing after a half-hour tantrum after
 you'd said you wouldn't nurse is definitely not
 consistency, though it may be compassion.

 For tantrums, I recommend consistently (always or
 very, very close to always) refusing to change your
 mind just because of a tantrum.  Or, if you're going
 to change your mind, do it early in the tantrum or
 preferably before the tantrum.  Compassion says to change
 your mind;  consistency says to stick to your
 decision.  Giving in after a half-hour tantrum
 shows the kid that tantrums are worthwhile and
 encourages more half-hour tantrums in the future.
 "She hasn't given in yet.  Maybe I need to be louder."

 Before saying something that the kid might disagree
 with, I suggest stopping and thinking.  Ask yourself
 whether you're ready to sit through a tantrum.
 How tired and hungry is the child?  How tired and
 hungry and irritable are you?  If you're too tired
 to sit through a tantrum calmly, then consider just
 not saying the thing.  Don't do this:  say it, wait for the
 tantrum, then give in.  Just act as if that was what
 you were going to do the first time.  Example:
 rather than just saying, "let's go home from the
playground now," say "let's go and buy
 some raspberries and then go home."
 Example:  rather than saying, "no nursing now",
 say "OK, five minutes."  And then stick with it.
 But as Barbara Coloroso says, if what you said the
 first time was stupid, don't stick with it.  You're
 allowed to change your mind.  You can show compassion...
 just don't get in the habit of giving in after
 tantrums or whining.  If you feel loving, it's compassion.
 If you feel resentful, it's giving in.

 Sometimes a kid having a tantrum is best left alone
 for a while to calm down.  After a while the kid may
 accept hugs and calming words.  It's good to show
 affection like this to a kid who's experiencing
 strong emotions.  Keep clear in your mind what is
 affection and what is giving in.  Loving words, hugs
 and an offer to fetch a drink are affection.
 Changing your mind about the thing that triggered
 the tantrum is giving in;  telling the kid at this
 point that you'll buy them some candy is probably
 in the same category.

 People need exercize when angry.  It's good to
 encourage the child to run, kick, punch a pillow,
 etc. rather than just holding the child still to
 avoid having anyone get hurt, though sometimes this
 may be necessary.  If you're getting angry yourself,
 going out for a walk is good.

 Back to weaning.  I suggest gradually setting more
 and more limits on the nursing.  If you feel resentful
 about nursing, that's a sign that maybe you need to
 speed up the weaning.  If the child objects a lot,
 that's a sign that maybe you need to slow it down.

 First step:  establish a pattern of having the
 child wait calmly after asking to nurse and before
 nursing.  Do this by having gradually increasing
 lengths of time between the asking and the nursing.
 Fill this time with ritual actions like pouring
 yourself a drink, so the child knows you haven't
 forgotten and also knows you won't speed up if
 he/she cries.

 Next step:  establish that you can refuse to nurse.
 Don't do that at bedtime;  bedtime will probably be
 the last nursing to go.  When the child is not too
 tired or irritable, say something like, "not right
 now." and do something else instead like read a story.
 At first, when the child asks again half an hour later
 just nurse as usual.  Gradually you can increase the
 number of times you refuse, without the child objecting
 too strongly.  Remember to use a loving tone of voice
 when refusing, and to give the child other kinds of
 attention.

 Next step:  restrict nursing to certain times of day.
 For example, you might establish a pattern that
 naptime and bedtime are the only nursing times.
 Say, "I'll nurse you at bedtime" if the child asks
 to nurse during the day.

 Next step:  gradually decrease the length of time of
 the nursing sessions.  You might start with a limitation of
 20 minutes of nursing, warning the child when there were            
 5 minutes or 2 minutes left.  It's good to be consistent
 about the warnings.  If I forgot the 2 minute warning,
 I would pretend nothing was unusual, give a 2 minute
 warning, and nurse for an extra 2 minutes.  The child
 becomes accustomed to the 5 and 2 minute warnings and
 may accept a tacit gradual reduction in the
 length of the nursing session.  Later, you can start with
 "OK, I'll nurse for 5 minutes," giving the 2-minute
 warning, and still later just "OK, I'll nurse for 2 minutes."

 To end the nursing session, say "It's time to stop now,"
 give the child a few seconds to stop by themselves, and
 if they don't, then stick your finger in their mouth and
 make them stop.  If they stop by themselves you can smile
 and thank them for stopping.  If you make them stop you
 can still smile.  Don't punish them or require them to stop
 by themselves.  After nursing don't wait around for
 them to ask for more but immediately announce what's
 happening next, "I'm reading you a story now" or
 "I'm cooking dinner now,"  give the child a hug and get up.

 The steps can be mixed, actually.  As you shorten the
 nursing times, you can also gradually put more restrictions
 on the situations you're willing to nurse in.

 The value of consistency is this:  if you do
 different things at different times,
 the child gets the impression that their tantrums and whines
 seem to work sometimes;  you seem to be giving in
 sometimes.  But if you're consistent, then you're
 predictable, and the child can clearly see that the
 tantrums are having no effect.

 Consistency must be in ways that are meaningful to
 the child.  A child who has trouble telling the difference
 between naptime and bedtime will think it highly
 inconsistent of you to always nurse at bedtime but
 not at naptime.  It will help a bit if you explain, "I nurse
 if we're going to sleep when it's dark outside."
 Remember that the child will take this literally, if
 it's dark due to thunderstorms or light outside late
 in the summer.  Also it may seem illogical to the child,
 like if your husband were to say to you, "I only carry
 on long conversations with you on even-numbered days of
 the month".

 Consistency doesn't have to mean doing exactly the same
 thing every time.  Part of consistency is doing what you
 say;  being predictable.  Perhaps sometimes, when the
 child asks, you nurse immediately, and other times you
 say, "I'll get myself a drink and then I'll nurse."
 Consistency here means that if you say you'll get a
 drink, you always do, even if the child cries.

 One hurdle to get over is ending a bedtime nursing
 session before the child is asleep.  I suggest something
 like this:  A few days before, say "I might not always
 nurse you until you're all the way asleep."  Then start
 saying, before nursing to sleep, "I might not nurse you
 all the way asleep today.  I'll nurse for 20 minutes
 (or 'until I'm tired'), and if you're asleep then, fine,
 and if you're not, I'll ask you to stop nursing and
 please go the rest of the way to sleep yourself."
 It's important to use a loving tone of voice when saying
 this and to hug the child.  If you use a loving tone of
 voice the child is much more likely to accept it.
 Phrase it like asking the child a big favour:  "Mummy is
 tired;  I'm asking you to help me and go part of the
 way to sleep yourself.  I'll nurse you until you're
 partway to sleep, and then you go to sleep yourself."
 Then nurse for a while, and say quietly and very lovingly,
 "I need to stop nursing now," hug the child, stop nursing,
 hug the child again, and lie quietly to go to sleep.
 If this doesn't work, I'm not sure what to do.
 I suggest getting the child used to restrictions on
 nursing during the daytime before doing this.

 I think sometimes "giving in" when a child is having
 a tantrum may be the right thing to do.  But very
 rarely!  Or perhaps such situations never arise in
 some families.  When you "give in", then the child
 learns that tantrums work.  Giving in to one tantrum
 can lead to many tantrums in the future because
 the child has hope that you may give in again.

 It's good to be sensitive to your child's needs
 and wants and preferences and feelings.  It's good
 to be influenced by these things.  The child should
 have some control or influence over what happens.
 However, it's not necessary to let tantrums be the
 way these feelings are communicated.  It's better
 to listen to the child when the child gives quiet
 or subtle or assertive messages, and respond to these.
 If a child says loudly, "I don't want to go!" it's
 OK to say, "OK, we won't go then."  This is responding to an
 emphatic, assertive message from the child.
 This is not "giving in";  this is changing your mind
 based on the child's input.  It's good to do that.
 (It's your decision, though;  you know whether it's
 a situation where this decision is appropriate.)

 It's not a good idea, though, to do this:  Child says,
 "I don't want to go!"  You say, "We have to go, though."
 Child yells, breaks things, and won't let you put his/her
 coat on.  You then say "OK, I guess we won't go."
 Here, you've refused to respond to the child's assertive
 message, but you've responded to a tantrum.  This
 teaches a child that tantrums are the way to get a
 message across to you.  It's better to be more sensitive,
 to let the child get messages across more easily than that.
 Don't make the mistake of thinking that just because the
 child uses an angry tone of voice to tell you something,
 that you should refuse them.  You can say, "You feel very
 strongly about that.  OK, we won't go.  Your tone of
 voice hurt me, though.  Please talk more quietly next time."
 (But make sure you take the child's preferences into account
 when the child does talk quietly!)

 Be steadfast.  Learn to wait all the way through a tantrum,
 staying calm yourself and not yelling at the child, and
 being confident in yourself that you won't change your
 mind and give in.  Resolve to yourself, "No matter what
 he/she does, I won't get mad and I won't change my mind."
 And then offer the child love and understanding.