Hockey Jokes
As part of a promotional gimmick, the New York Rangers decided to have short spelling bee for some first graders at center ice during an intermission.
The first child was asked to spell "cat".
The child said "C-A-T, cat" to which the fans started yelling, "Aw come on, give him another chance!"
Q: Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one...
Q:How many Lindros's does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Not even Eric knows because his lights are always out.
The 2004 Stanley Cup Playoffs have just ended, and a Calgary Flames fan is walking home from the bar he watched the game at. He's about to cross the street, when he hears someone whisper "Don't cross, you'll get hit by a car."
He looks around for the speaker, and then sees a car come flying through the red light in just the spot he would have been if he had crossed the road.
"Who are you?" the fan asked.
"I'm your guardian angel," the voice answered, "I prevent bad things from happening to you."
"Wait a second. If you're my guardian angel, you've got some explaining to do." the fan replied.
"Ah, you want to know why I let Calgary lose. Well, you see..."
"No, actually, I was going to ask where you were when I became a Flames fan."
Bobby Orr walks into an ice cream parlor. With some discomfort, he slides onto a stool and orders a banana spit.
The waitress asks, "Crushed nuts?"
He replies, "No, bad knees."
Two boys were playing hockey at an outdoor arena when one is
attacked by a Pitbull. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips
a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar
and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by
saw the incident, and rushed over to interview the boy!
"Calgary Flames fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts
writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Flames fan," the boy replied.
"Edmonton Oilers fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the
reporter starts again.
"I'm not a Oilers fan either," the boy said.
"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Maple Leafs fan."
The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Redneck idiot kills family pet."
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Hockey Jokes
Tie Domi and Eric Lindros are out in the woods hunting when Tie collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
Eric takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, Eric says: "OK, now what?"
A Canadian hockey player is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks,
"Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife, eh" answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
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