Hockey Jokes
Toronto GM John Ferguson Jr. sends scouts around the world looking for a new centre to hopefully help win the Stanley Cup for the Maple Leafs. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi centre who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So John flies to Iraq to watch him play and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to play in the NHL.
Two weeks later, Toronto is down 4-0 at home against Montreal with only 8 minutes to play. The coach gives the young Iraqi centre the nod to go on, and he puts him on in place of Sundin. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 8 minutes and wins the game for Toronto. The fans are delighted, the players are delighted and the media love the new star.
When he gets off the ice, he phones his Mom to tell her about his first day in the NHL. "HI Mom,guess what?" he says. "I played for 8 minutes today, we were down 4-0 but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me; the fans, the players and the media, they all love me".
"Great," says his Mom,"let me tell you about our day. Your Father got shot in the street, your sister and I were assaulted and mugged, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time."
The young lad is very upset."What can I say, Mom? I'm sorry".
"Sorry!" says his Mom, "It's your damned fault that we moved to Toronto in the first place!"
There was a huge fire at the All-Star game. Three hockey fans wearing the jerseys of their favorite teams were
stranded on the roof; a Montreal fan, a Boston fan and a Detroit fan. The fire department came with a blanket and
yelled to the Canadiens fan to jump. He jumped and they moved the blanket to the right and he hit the sidewalk with
a splat.
Then they called to the Boston fan to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The firemen explained that they
hated the Canadiens. The fan said he hated them too and jumped. Again, the fire department moved the blanket to the
right and the fan hit with a splat.
Finally they called to the Detroit Red Wings fan to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump.
The fire department said they really hated the Boston to which he replied, "I don't trust you. Lay the blanket down,
and then I'll jump!"
Guy Lafleur is walking along the roadside when he spots a small frog. The frog says "kiss me and I'll turn into a Princess."
Guy picks up the frog and puts it into his pocket. The frog says "didn't you hear me? Kiss me and I'll turn into a Princess."
Guy says "I heard you, but at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."
Apparently Pat Quinn knew he was going to get fired as coach of the Maple Leafs two weeks before the season ended,
when John Ferguson bought the entire team sets of new
golf clubs.
The last time the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup most of their fans were in diapers.
Coincidentally, the next time they win it those same fans will be back in diapers again!
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Hockey Jokes
Owen Nolan get's off the ice on his first game back after taking a vicious hit. He motions to the trainer for attention and shouts that his rib is cracked. The trainer stated that he shouldn't shout things like that. "You want to appear invincible and never let the other team know where you hurt or they will target you there."
"But my ribs are cracked!" pleaded Nolan.
"You need to redirect it though, state that you need another stick or that your skate is dull and when I come over tell me what you really need."
After returning to action several weeks later, Nolan takes a stick to the face, he keeps in head high and skates over to the bench as if nothing happened, despite that blood coming out of his eyes. He motions to the trainer, and yells there is something wrong with my skates.
The guys all smile knowing that Nolan took on the advice. Just as the trainer yells, "What's wrong with them?"
Nolan yells back, "I can't see out of them!"
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