Hockey Jokes
Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Steve Yzerman all die and meet in heaven. God is sitting in his chair waiting for them.
God says to the three legends, gentlemen before I let you in, you must tell me what you believe. "Mario we'll start with you,
in what do you believe?"
"I believe hockey is the greatest thing in the world and the best sport in history". To that God
says "take the seat to my left". God then turns to Steve and says, "Steve, in what do you believe?"
To which Steve replies
"I believe to be the best, you've got to give every ounce you've got!" To that God says "take the seat to my right".
God
then turns to number 99 and says "Wayne, tell me what do you believe?" To which Wayne replies "I believe you are sitting in
my seat."
A kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Flyers fan. She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're
Flyers fans too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher and say they are too, except ONE kid named Lennie... the teacher looks at
Lennie and says, "Len, you're not a Flyers fan?"
He says, "Nope, I'm a Maple Leafs fan!" She says, "Well why are you a Leafs
fan and not a Flyers fan?" to which Lennie replies, "Well, my mom is a Leafs fan, and my dad is a Leafs fan, so I'm a Leafs
fan." The teacher's not very happy. She's a little hot under the collar and says, "Well, if your mom's an idiot, and your
dad's a moron, then what would you be?!" Lennie says, "Then I'd be a Flyers fan!"
Sandy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Joe, noticed and asked Sandy what happened.
Sandy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."
Joe, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."
Sandy, "Oh I don't play. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I got mad and put my foot through the television."
Why did the Ottawa Senators enforcer retire early?
He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni!!!
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Hockey Jokes
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7 year old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what
cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is not
whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So, the coach continued, "I am
sure you know, when a penalty is called, you should not argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a bloody idiot. Do you
understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb jackass, is it?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother..."
What's the difference between a hockey game and a prize fight?
In a hockey game, the fights are real.
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