toronto maple leafs hockey jokes


Hockey Jokes


Toronto Maple Leafs Jokes



Two Toronto Maple Leafs players were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "Bear Left" so they went home.

What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup playoffs?
The Toronto Maple Leafs.

Why do Maple Leafs fans drink from a saucer?
Because the cup's always in Montreal!

The Toronto Maple Leafs have a new coach from North Korea.
Win Sum Soon

 
Why did the Maple Leafs enforcer retire early?
He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni!!!

What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!

 


What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
They both look good until they hit the ice.

 


Why don't the Leafs drink tea?
Because the Canadiens have all the cups.

 


What does Toronto have that Montreal doesn't?
Black and white photos of their past Stanley Cup.






One day, this guy was sitting in a bar having a drink. All of a sudden he's startled by three Toronto Maple Leafs hockey players cheering, "Fifteen! Fifteen!" He ignores them and continues to drink.

About 5 minutes later, the hockey players again cheer, "Fifteen! Fifteen!"

At this, the guy then walks over and asks them why they keep cheering, "Fifteen! Fifteen!"

The hockey players respond, "Well, we went to Walmart and bought this jigsaw puzzle, which we put together in 15 weeks! Considering that the side of the box said 3-5 years."

 


"He's great on the rink" a sportswriter said of a young Toronto Maple Leafs player in a interview with his coach.
"But's how's his scholastic work?"
"Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach.
"Wonderful!" said the sportswriter.
"Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."



Santa hockey joke



Q: What do you call a Toronto Maple Leafs player with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do Toronto Maple Leafs hockey players brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: Why is it good to have a Toronto Maple Leafs player as a passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: How do you make a Toronto Maple Leafs player eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Q: How can you tell if a Toronto Maple Leafs hockey player has been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if another Toronto Maple Leafs hockey player been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What did the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey player think of the new computer?
A: He didn't like it because he couldn't get channel 9.

Q:Why do Toronto Maple Leafs hockey players drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why do Toronto Maple Leafs players have TGIF on their skates?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: If a Toronto Maple Leafs player and a Ottawa Senators player are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The Ottawa Senators player. The Toronto Maple Leafs player has to stop to ask for directions.

Three Maple Leafs fans were bemoaning the fact that their team kept losing and might miss the playoffs.
"I blame the manager" said the first, "if he would sign new players then we could have a great team".
"I blame the players" said the second, "if they made more effort I am sure we would score more goals".
"I blame my parents", added the third, " if I'd been born in another city I'd be supporting a decent team!"

Hockey Jokes


Toronto Maple Leafs Jokes



Q: What happens when a Toronto Maple Leafs player gets Alzheimers disease?
A: His IQ goes up!

Q: Why did the Toronto Maple Leafs player scale the glass partition?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: What do you call 10 Toronto Maple Leafs players standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What did the Leafs player say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What does a Leafs player say when you blow in his ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"


 leafs fan in straight jacket

The police are cracking down on speeders heading into Toronto. For the first offence, they give you two Maple Leafs tickets. If you are stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: What is it called when a Toronto Maple Leafs player blows in another Leafs players ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a Leafs players head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What's a Toronto Maple Leafs players favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: What do you see when you look into a Toronto Maple Leafs players eyes?
A: The back of his head.

Q: Why do Leafs players drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

Q: How do you make a Maple Leafs player laugh on Monday morning?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

Q: How did the Toronto Maple Leafs player break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.

Q: Why did the Toronto Maple Leafs player try to steal a police car?
A: He saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What do you call a Toronto Maple Leafs players in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.



Q: What does a recent high school dropout and the Leafs team have in common?
A: They're both young, have no goals and no good prospects.

Q: What do a criminal court judge and the coach of the Maple Leafs have in common?
A: They both sit behind a bench, watch an endless parade of losers go by, and wonder if they are actually making a difference.

Q: What's the difference between Air Miles and the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: Air Miles earn points.

Q: What do a fine wine and the Maple Leafs have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.

Q: What do the Leafs team and a pace car have in common?
A: They both go around in circles, aren't involved in the race and are passed by all the competitors.

Q: What do college students and the Maple Leafs have in common?
A: They've both finished their year by April.

Q: Why are the Leafs owned by teachers?
A: Because they both take summers off and are demoralized the rest of the year.


pope praying for maple leafs win




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Jokes for all the people out there who hate the Toronto Maple Leafs

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