Hockey Jokes
A hockey hooligan appeared in court charged with disorderly conduct and assault. The arresting officer, giving
evidence, stated that the accused had thrown something into the canal.
"What exactly was it that he threw into the
canal" asked the magistrate.
"Stones, sir."
"Well, that's hardly an offence is it?"
"It was in this case, sir," said the police officer. "Stones was the referee".
Three Canadians and three Americans were traveling to a hockey game.
The three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asks an American.
Watch and you'll see," says a Canadian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says,
"Ticket please!" The door opens a crack, a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.
So after the game they decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all.
How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed American.
"Watch and you'll see," replies a Canadian.
When they board the train the three Americans cram into a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another bathroom nearby.
Once the train leaves the station, one of the Canadians leaves and walks over to the other bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please!"
Little Lennie arrived home after his hockey game, threw open the door and ran to his Dad.
"How was the game, son? How did you do?" asked his father, who was unable to attend the game.
"You aren't going to believe it, Dad!" Lennie exclaimed. "I was responsible for the winning goal!"
"That's wonderful," his dad said. "How did you do that?"
"I missed my check on the other team's high scorer!"
Q: How do you know a leper is playing ice hockey?
A: There's a 'face-off' in the corner.
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Hockey Jokes
Four women were having coffee and bragging about their children. The first woman says, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him father."
The next woman tries to top her, "Really? My son married the princess of a small European country and when he walks into the room, people call him your highness!"
The third woman chirps, "Well, my son is a cardinal of the church. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him your eminence!"
The fourth woman is just sitting there sipping her coffee silently and the other three look at her in a subtle way, as if to say 'well...?' She smiles and says, "Oh. My son is a very large and handsome hockey player. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "OH MY GOD...!"
At a game between Montreal and Toronto, a spectator suddenly found himself in the thick of dozens of flying bottles.
"There's nothing to worry about, lad," said the elderly chap siting next to him. " It's like the bombs during the war.
You won't get hit unless the bottle's got your name on it."
"That's just what I'm worried about," said the fan. "My name's Johnny Walker".
One guy says to another, " Does beer make you smarter?"
The other guy says, " I don't know but, I heard that it made Bud wiser."
First fan: "I wish I'd brought the piano to the stadium."
Second fan: "Why would you bring a piano to the hockey game?"
First fan: "Because I left the tickets on it."
A hockey player is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks,
" Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"
" I got it for my wife, eh" answers Bob.
" Oh!" exclaims Doug, " Good trade."
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